


Nuria

by Mykki



Series: Nuria [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Smut, Non-Canon Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration, Tears, all made up with in story content, non-canon story line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:24:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 44,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4364708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mykki/pseuds/Mykki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Senior Enchanter Octavian Trevelyan has left Denerim with the help of Leliana, and Zevran. Traveling through out Thedas she meets Flemeth, who introduces her to Solas. She later comes to find out he is in fact Fen’Harel. Against Solas’s better judgment he lets his guard down, and soon finds out he is in love… But at what point do they realize that sometimes love is not enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Nubulis 9:31**

            Octavian, formally Senior Enchanter of Ostwick Circle, scowled as she brushed the branch out of her way. She was tried, cold and hungry. Carefully she moved around the rocks strewed across the path and gripped her staff tighter. Fuming to herself, it was unbelievable how lost she was. How Zevran would laugh at her now. She could almost hear him chuckling in her ear. A shiver ran down her spine as she shook the branch, the ice cold water showering her. The silence of the forest was wrong. She didn’t know why, and it was starting to put her more on edge. Octavian glanced about into the shadows of the forest, trying to see and only met darkness. The healer moved past the boulder and felt the breath slam out of her. Looking down, she stared stupidly at the arrow in her shoulder. Now the pain hit. Gritting her teeth against the agony, she lifted her eyes to scan the area. Ducking behind a boulder she missed the second and third arrow fired at her. Leaning against the cool stone she grasped the arrow and snapped it off. The sharp stab of agony, forced her to clench her eyes closed at the rush of pain.

Her head snapped up as screams came from behind the boulder and flames erupted around her.

A bandit came running from the forest to the right of her. She slammed her staff on the ground ignoring, the shard of pain in her arm and shoulder. The action froze the bandit to the ground. Using her other hand, she pulled a dirk, aimed and threw it at him catching him in the neck. She stifled a cry of pain as a second unseen man leapt from hiding and caught her injured should with an armored fist. Ducking she missed the second swing and loosed another dirk and flung, but missed. He moved closer, swinging and managed to punch her in the face. Stars flashed before her eyes as her head snapped to the side. Blinding pain darkened vision. His foot kicked out and caught her chest, hitting the imbedded arrow driving it further in. Screaming she crumpled to the ground slowly sliding unconscious.

The bandit dropped at the same time she did. Octavian did not see the women who kill the second bandit, nor did she seer her a look of shock and concern on her face, as she bend over Octavian’s still body.

 

****

 

            Octavian clawed her way out of the darkness. “Drink” The voice commanded, penetrating the darkness and the overwhelmed the pain. Obediently she complained, the cup clinking against her teeth as she felt herself being raised to help her swallow without chocking. Her empty stomach heaved. It was sickeningly sweet. A cool hand touched her brow and the nausea dissipated. The darkness called and she welcomed it allowing herself to pass out again.

A women older the time with strange yellow eyes gazed down at the women lying on the bed. Unconsciously, she sighed as a feeling a touch of sadness washed over her. It was followed by concern for what this women was about to go through. Flemeth wished she knew exactly what was going to happen, but couldn’t. Only seeing bits and pieces. It was frustrating and maddening. Standing, she moved to the window, but saw nothing but her own appearance, reflecting at her.

Now she had to convince _him_ to come. She almost laughed at the irony, thinking that was going to be the easier battle then waiting for the last twenty odd years for her daughter to appear, just not expecting it caught this way. Flemeth turned away from her reflection and moved back to gaze down at her daughter; she placed a hand on Octavian’s head, probing as she did so. Satisfied that there was no infection from the removal of the arrow, and that it was healing correctly, she sighed in relief. Octavian would sleep for sometime. Flemeth covered her and left the cabin. She had supplies to get and an invitation to send.

 

******

 

A purring vibrated through Octavian’s body. Somewhere the cawing of a raven echoed. Slowly Octavian’s lashes fluttered as she awakened. Then wished she hadn’t. Pain lanced down her body as she tried to move. Driving the breath from her, and drove her head deeper into the pillow. A tortured moment passed as she fought to control her body. Frantically, she tried to slow her breathing as she had been taught. _In. Pause. Out. In. Pause. Out._ Her breathing slowed, making the pain recede a bit more.

Once it faded to a tolerable level, she opened her green eyes again. The first sight she saw were the ceiling of wooden rafters aged with time, and the raven up there happily cleaning his feathers. Occasionally it, cast her _look_ as if he couldn’t figure out just what she was. She felt the warmth of a small body on top of her legs and the vibrations echoing in her bones. She realized someone had dressed her in an over-large shirt that would have hung down around her knees if she had been standing. Turning her head to the left she saw a wall, that extended to the end of the bed she lay in. She looked to the right, noting a curtain hanging near the head of the bed. Another neatly made bed pushed against the wall. Between the beds sat a small table with a lamp on it. Light poured in from a single paned window across the room. The smell of spring coming from somewhere. Gritting her teeth against the waves of pain, Octavian slowly eased herself into a sitting position. From there she continued her visual inspection. A fire place was on the opposite wall across from her, a fur rug placed before it. To the left of the fireplace were bookcases that wrapped around the corner of the room. Books opened on the floor as if placed there for reference, but never gone back to. Next to the bookcases, and under the window sat a little table with three chairs around it. Moving her eyes back to the fire place she noticed to the right of it there was a table against the wall with cupboards above and below it for storage. The room was smallish, but not over crowded given the lack of furniture or personal belongings.

The cat that had been sleeping on her feet snapped its head up and cocked an ear as movement on the other side of the wall became noticeable. The cat jumped off the bed and slipped from view as Octavian struggled to swing her legs over the side of the bed. Glancing around the room again she looked for any possible weapon. And found nothing. Grimacing she forced herself to her feet, wobbling a bit, trying to find her balance as she waited for whatever was making the sound to enter. A gravelly voice of a woman reached her ears. It was followed by a laugh, the laugh was preceded by a women coming around the wall near the foot of the bed.

The women stood tall, and proud. Her white-silverfish hair fell gracefully to her shoulders. Strange slited yellow eyes stared at Octavian.

With a chocked cry, Octavian slumped back onto the bed as dizziness overwhelmed her.

The women glided across the room and placed a cool hand on her head.

Octavian closed her eyes, and opened herself to the healing warmth, feeling the nausea and dizziness receding as the energy flooded her. She opened green eyes when the hand was removed noting the lines on the older woman’s face. “Thank-you.”

“You’re welcome _Len_.” The women smiled and moved back. Picking up a cup off the table and passing it back to her patient.

Octavian accepted the cup, “Thank-you” She murmured again. Then blurted in a rush. My name is...”

“I know, Octavian.” A smile played about the women’s lips. She turned gestured to the cup in Octavian’s hand. “My name is Flemeth.”

Octavian felt her brows rise and stiffened as the words penetrated her mind, and the knowledge that this women knew her name. Octavian carefully raised the cup sniffing before taking a sip, grimacing at the taste the healing potion. Quickly she swallowed it down without complaint, and handed the cup back. “Flemeth? As in Flemeth that is mother to Morrigan? Is that how you know my name? Have you seen her?” The questions rolled of Octavian’s tongue as she felt the excitement build. Then she frowned in thought, “How are you still alive? Didn’t Oliver come back and fight you?”

Flemeth laughed, accepting the cup, “So many questions. Where do I start?” Flemeth moved towards Octavian and helped her stand. Guiding her around the bed, and across the room towards one of the chairs.

Before Octavian made it half way, her legs trembled with fatigue. Extremely grateful that Flemeth had helped her, and just as grateful to sink into the chair as her legs threatened to buckle. Sitting on the table was a towel-covered bowl. Removing the towel revealed a bowl of stew. Octavian’s mouth watered at the smell, as her stomach growled in agreement. Picking up the fork Octavian dug in. When she was half done, she realized Flemeth sat across from her watching intently. A blush flared across Octavian’s fair face, “I’m sorry…”

Flemeth waved her off, gesturing to the bowl, “Eat _Len_ , I will answer the question you have asked. I am _that_ Flemeth, Morrigan’s mother.” She smiled thinly, “Not that she likes to acknowledge that now. I have not seen Morrigan since she left with the Wardens, two years ago.” Flemeth stood and moved to the cupboards by the table. Reaching into the dark interior, she pulled out a bottle of wine and the cups to go with it. Filling them she walked back to the table, set then down, “Drink carefully. You’ve been many days with out real food, but it will dull the next round of healing.” Flemeth made a face, and confessed. “I may have gotten the arrow head out, but you will have a scar. I’m not as proficient in healing as I would like.” Sitting, she lifted her own glass and drank while watching Octavian, inwardly she was pleased. She noticed all the little details; how Octavian sat. Moved. Talked and thought. They were all important. She saw the small frown appear on the women’s face and smiled.

Octavian finished her stew, and drank a small amount of wine, frowning she looked directly at Flemeth. “You never said how you knew my name, nor how you are alive.”

Shrugging, Flemeth replied, “Your right. I didn’t.” She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from chuckling with glee at the exasperated look on Octavian’s face. “I knew your father before you where born Octavian. You have his eyes.” Flemeth rose, “Would you like some more stew?” At Tavin’s surprised nod, the older women crossed the room and dished it out from the cauldron bubbling on the fireplace. Octavian was surprised, somehow she had it missed in her inspection of the room.

Placing the bowl in front of the Octavian, Flemeth moved to the cupboard and took the ingredients needed. She set about mixing another healing potion. Moving to a small trunk that was at the end of the neatly made bed, she opened it and took out clean bandages.

“What do you mean you knew my father? And do I really look like him?” Octavian asked her voice white with shock.

Flemeth smiled, as she walked back to the table, “Yes I knew your father. He is still breeding horse from what I understand. As for looking like him? No, you only have his eyes. I assume you look like his mother as I don’t see any of your mother in you either.” The irony in Flemeth’s voice caused Octavian to raise a brow, but she made no response. “What did the Warden say when he arrived back at the camp with the Grimoire?”

Octavian frowned as she thought back to those months, “Something about a dragon, and hadn’t realized what he was up against as he thought you could only change into a giant bird.”

Laughter exploded from the Flemeth, “Well, I asked if he wanted to fight one.” She chuckled, “He said he’d already fight one, and didn’t necessarily want to fight two more, as he still had to face the arch-demon. You could say we came to an understanding. He agreed to lie to Morrigan, so he got the book.”

“You can change into a dragon?” Shock held Octavian’s eye wide, as she glanced at the door. Almost wondering if she could outrun the woman, then snorted to herself as she realized if Flemeth had wanted her dead, then the woman wouldn’t have saved her.

Flemeth eyed the black haired women, reading everything that Octavian thought in her eyes, and smiled.

Octavian lowered her eyes, flushing as she ate more of her stew. Then lifted her head another frown marring her brow. “Where are my cloths and weapons?” She realized she had seen neither in her perusal of the room.

“Your clothing was destroyed, and un-save-able. As for weapons, I only found the dirks in your boots, they are in the chest under the bed you where sleeping on.” Flemeth keep her face away to avoid the women from seeing the lie, _something_ _more_ had told her to hide the other daggers.

“Oh,” the sound Octavian made was almost like a punch to the gut. Gamely she tried to shrug off the feeling of disappointment in losing the daggers. Silently she lowered her ahead again, and finished her stew. Then drank the wine, before standing carefully testing her balance. “Where is the privy?”

“Outback, for now there is a chamber pot under the bed.” Flemeth eyed her carefully, “Do you think you can use it by yourself?”

Octavian nodded.

“Then use that while I give you a few minutes. Then we will finish your shoulder.” Flemeth swept from the cabin, pulling the door closed behind her.

 

 

***

 **Len**  ( _LEHN_ ): child.


	2. Chapter 2

**Eluviesta 9:31**

            The sunrise had just broken over the horizon when Octavian opened the cabin door, allowing the smell of flowers, dirt, and dew to that mingle in the air to filter into the cabin. She inhaled slowly letting it fill her lungs. After a moment of silence she grabbed the rake and hoe from their place outside the door and walked to the small garden off to the side. The black cat, _Arla_ followed her before she slipped into the bushes leaving Octavian alone. Stepping over the small fencing set around the border Octavian set to work. Letting her mind drift over that last couple of weeks.

_After she had been healed, she her intention had been to stay only a few days. In a very short time she had been delaying leaving. Finally Flemeth had asked her point blank if she was going to leave or if she wanted to stay. Octavian had surprised herself when she said to stay. Flemeth had nodded and smiled. That had been a week ago, and already Octavian had a pattern of how she spent the day. First thing when she woke, she stoked the fire and set water to boil for tea, then went out her to weed the garden. When she had finished that, she headed back inside and helped make breakfast. Flemeth was teaching her how to cook, and to her surprise she was good at it. Once breakfast was done, Tavin would tidy the little cabin and go for a walk while practicing with the weapons that had not been lost. Flemeth had even found a bow and some arrows for her to practice with. Sometimes Flemeth would come with her, pointing out little things she hadn’t already notice; flowers, birds, insects, and other suck anomalies. After lunch they would do their own thing, as Flemeth would leave after informing Octavian that nothing would get past the barrier set that ended at the pond._

Finishing the garden, Octavian walked back to the cabin she and found Flemeth already up and dressed, making tea. Octavian helped her get the rest of breakfast ready before they sat down together and ate in silence, listening to the birds singing outside. The raven named Kilsil, hopped down onto the table looking for handouts. Octavian giggled as he gently nibbled at her hand. She reached into the jar beside them on the window and laid a few seeds and died fruits on the table for him to eat. Rubbing his head gently she turned her attention back to her meal, only to look up as Flemeth drew her attention.

            “How would you like to learn Shape-shifting?” Flemeth’s voice echoed in the silence after the question was asked, causing Flemeth to raise yellow eyes to find Octavian’s green one filled with excitement.

            “Really? You can teach me?” The excited young women practically bounced in her chair.

            Flemeth snorted, “Were do you think Morrigan learned to do it?” The tone indicating it should be obvious.

Octavian flushed, but didn’t care. Eagerly she nodded and finished her meal in record time. Quickly, she cleared the table, cleaned up.

Flemeth had watch Octavian rush through the breakfast cleanup and chuckled silently. When Octavian had finished, she stood before a smiling Flemeth, “Go get Arla, and shut the door.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Molioris 9:31**

 

It took Octavian a long time to master the Shape-shifting ability. There were days when an alarmed Flemeth had banned her from trying as she was draining her magic to the point of shock. Octavian thought a time or two Flemeth was ready to call it quits. But Octavian keep trying, practicing out in the garden. Finally one month after it had been proposed to her, she mastered it. Tavin had raced back inside in the form of a black cat with green eyes. There she wound herself around Flemeth’s feet.

Flemeth picked her up and smiled at her, “Good Girl,” giving her a hug as the cat, then set her down on the bed. Octavian had been flushed with pride for weeks after. Then went on to try the raven, Kilsil, next.

****

Tuesday night after an early supper, Flemeth sat back in the chair. The early evening sun flamed through the window, making her hair glow with bright red highlights. Smiling, she breathed in the air redolent with the smell of warm earth. Turing those strange slited eyes to Octavian, she stared calmly, “I’m going to town tomorrow, would you like to come?”

Octavian thought a moment. A shiver ran down her back. She couldn’t have said if it was fear or not, but here she felt safe. She shook her head.

Flemeth looked at her carefully, if she noted the unease in the younger women she ignored it. “If there is anything you need, write a list and I will see what I can do to pick it up.” Flemeth stood up, she paused before speaking, “On Friday I have a friend stopping by.” Flemeth’s voice sounded unusual, almost toneless. Startled Octavian’s head snapped up. Concerned she gazed at the older women. Her mouth opened to speak, but the hard look in Flemeth’s eyes prevented any questions. Swallowing Octavian nodded her lips thinned as Flemeth went to bed early to avoid any question.

Octavian’s mind was preoccupied as she cleared the table, and did the dishes. Once the little cabin was in order, she sat down and wrote a letter to Leliana letting her know she was still alive, and doing well. Giving her a few details of what she had been doing since she left Denerim. Then she wrote out a quick list of things she wanted. Leaving the papers on the table, Octavian grabbed a cloak from a hook and settled it over her shoulder’s to take a short walk along the path. Reaching the small pond, she slipped her bare feet into the water and sat on the bank, enjoying the peace and quiet. Only a lone bird trilled in the gathering gloom. If this was not paradise, it was close enough for her.

****

Octavian sat at the table, sunlight pouring in from the window highlighting her air and turning it a deep purple in the light. A cool breeze, drifting in the open door, ruffling the papers on the table. The cat curled in her lap, the raven chortling in his corner. She was oblivious to it all. Leaning her head against her wrist she frowned down at the heavy tomb in front of her as she slowly made out another word. She rubbed her eyes and laid down the quill she was using to write out words she didn’t know. It was starting to frustrate her, the words were smudged, and faded to time, making them practically unreadable. She was grateful that Flemeth had found the books she had asked for, but the books on Flemeth’s bookcase had call to her after she got back from her walk. She’d decided to sit down and read one, but found out most of the books on Flemeth’s shelves were books she couldn’t understand. That surprised her, as she spoke every known language, so reading them should have been easy. It was anything BUT. After first she thought it had been a spell on the books, but after inspecting a number of them she realized that they all seemed to be in the same language. A dialect of really _old_ elvish. Deciding that this books where much more interesting then the ones she just got, she had sat down at the table.

Arla slipped from her lap as Flemeth stir from the nap she had taking, wrapping around the older woman’s legs as she coming around the partition, Flemeth froze in puzzlement at the sight of Octavian leaning over the table a book in front of her, paper, ink and quill beside her, it wasn’t one of the new ones she had picked up. It was obviously one of the ones from _her_ shelf. “What are you reading?” Her voice was calm, but she could feel the excitement build within her. Those books were written in a language that had been lost many long years ago. There was no way that Octavian should have been able to read them, but she clearly was. Flemeth glanced quickly at the time piece on the wall, grinning at the time. _He_ would be here soon.

Octavian glanced over her shoulder, not even noticing the grin as her eyes drifted back to the book, “I don’t know, I’m trying to read it but I only seem to understand every second word or so.”

Flemeth smoothed her expression and moved up beside her and leaned over the table, looking at the words on the page. Her brows rose as she quickly realized exactly which book she picked. She bit her tongue to stop from laughing out load. Then carefully formulated what she wanted to say, “I didn’t realize you could read Elven. I thought only Clan Keepers could…”

Black curls moved as the women shifted nodding her head, her eyes not leaving the pages, “Yes, I taught myself the language while in the circle, there where books there no one could read. I wanted to know what was in them, so… I taught myself.”

“Would you like help? As you must have assumed, I know the language.” Flemeth asked carefully, almost grinning when Octavian shook her head no. “I see. Well enjoy dear. I’m going to start supper.” Absent mindedly Octavian nodded, her attention already back on the book.

Flemeth moved around the small kitchen area stirring the potato’s roasting in the flames, setting up the pan to fry the fish she moved outside, gathering vegetables needed to make a spring salad. Stopping at the well she wash the vegetables off, then took them inside. Setting the salad to the side she glanced again at the time piece and went to the door. She shivered as she felt the magic of her Eluvian deactivate. Glancing back at Octavian’s black head leaning over the book, she grinned and stepped outside to wait.

The silence in the cabin caused Octavian glanced up surprised to find herself alone. She felt her eyes drawn back to the book. Upon hearing voices, Tavin resisted the urge to loss herself into it once again. With a sigh of disappointment, she closed the book and rested her pages on top. Standing, she carefully stoppered the inkwell and cleaned her quill, the voice of her mentor’s approval in her mind. There was no point in letting it dry out, or waste perfectly good quills because she was too lazy to take care of them. As the voice grew closer, her ears only caught part of the conversation. She frowned as the words didn’t make sense. Her eyes widen in surprise and her eyes shot onto the book. Excitement tingled along her skin as she realized it was the same language. She was still standing there in shocked excitement, looking at the book when Flemeth stopped at the door, allowing her guest to enter first. He froze, his blue eyes widen in shock as they look at the young woman standing by the table.

Octavian’s breath caught as she looked at him surprise. He was Elvin. He was also tall, taller by far then any other elf she had ever met. His head was bald, and his body well built. It wasn’t stocky like a warrior, it was more like the finely tuned body of a dancer. She could see the muscle moving under his rough, homespun clothes as he moved. A tooth from a huge beast she didn’t recognize hung around his neck. His blue eyes were piercing as they narrowed on her. Indignantly, he turned to glare at Flemeth.

“ _You promised, no Morrigan_.” His voice was deep and commanding. The sound of it caused shivers to slide up and down Octavian’s back even if she couldn’t understand exactly what he said.

Flemeth flashed an ironic smile, and spoke in the trade tongue, “This is Tavin, or I should say, Former Senior Enchanter Octavian Trevelyan of Ostwick circle,” Flemeth gestured to the glowering elf, “This is Solas, a very old friend and fellow mage.”

“ _This is tricky, Mythal_ ” Solas literally growled low in Elvish. Flemeth laughed, and reply in the same tongue.

“ _You would know, wouldn’t you Fen?”_ Still smiling she waved a hand to the small table, and moved to the kitchen. Calmly, she started cooking.

Annoyed at the trickery Solas sat, glaring at Flemeth. He tried to ignore the beautiful woman who was watching him curiously. When Solas had walked in, he had immediately sensed another person. When his vision had cleared enough to see who it was, his heart had skipped a beat. She was beautiful, even if she was human. The young woman was small and compact. However he had noted the muscle under her dress. It was obvious she was fit, and no sluggard. Her black hair fell in curling waves down her back, little wisp flying in the breeze, he had clenched his hand into a fist under the table to stop from reaching over and touch it, to see if it felt as silkily as it looked. Her vivid green eyes looked at him. Burning in their depths was a thirst for knowledge. To avoid looking at her, he looked around the small cabin and noted the book and the hand written notes on the table. Solas blinked in surprise as he read the spine on the book. Startled, his eyes flashed to Octavian, only to find Octavian still staring at him.

Octavian hadn’t stopped staring since the moment he walked in. She saw him read the spine. A jolt shot through her, when their eyes met. To her surprise and embarrassment a flush burned her cheeks. She knew with her fair skin, it would be noticeable. It only deepened the blush. A shy smile lifted the corners of her generous lips. Octavian managed to stammer only slightly. “I’ve only got through the first few pages. It is work, as I’ve had to take notes as I read it. Flemeth offered to help but I declined. Can you read it as well?”

The question caught Solas by surprise and he nodded. Thinking to himself, “ _I wrote it.”_ But, he knew he couldn’t say that, so he turned his gaze to Flemeth’s and found a mischievous smile playing on her lips. His own lips thinned in response, and he turned back to Octavian, “What have you thought so far?”

Tavin shrugged, “Like I said I’ve only read a few pages. I don’t know more then a few words. But, what I’ve gathered so far is, it’s only a romance. Once I’ve finished translating it, I’ll go back and re-read it.”

Solas felt his brows rise, not thinking he blurted in disbelief, “You’re translating it?”

Drawing herself up straight, she met the disbelief in his blue eyes, “Yes, I am. I taught myself to read Elvish years ago, as there where books in the library at the circle no one could read, but me. This is just an extremely older version of the same tongue.”

_“Ar tun yaren ma.”_ Solas caught her eyes as he spoke, and almost smiled at the look of surprise on her face.

Leaning back, Tavin studied her fingernails before raising her eyes and translated, “I don’t believe you.”

His eyebrows shot up at the correct translation, causing her husky laugh sent a tremor of desire through Solas. His eyes softened as they looked at her in interest, and speculation as a soft snicker caught his ears.

“That is enough _da’len’en_ , supper is ready.” Flemeth’s voice cut in. The suddenness of her voice, caused Octavian to jump. She had forgotten that Flemeth was there. Her eyes and mind were captivated by Solas

Octavian rose and moved the tome and papers on top of the book case. It was a good thing that her hands knew what to do, for her mind was filled with the elf. Automatically she set the table, then filled glasses with a white wine, then served dinner.

They all sat, and ate in silence. Occasionally Solas would lift his head and glare at Flemeth. Octavian felt the tension building around the two seated across from her, and couldn’t wait to finish eating.

After dinner, Octavian cleared the table, plopped down the dessert, and teapot with the cups, before quickly grabbing the book, paper, ink, and quill. She raced out the door calling over her shoulder, “Don’t save me any, I’ll be at the pond if you need me.”

 

*******

 

**“Ar tun yaren ma: -** I don’t believe you.

**da’len’en -** little kids


	4. Chapter 4

**Ferventis 9:31**

Solas stepped out of the Eluvian, cursing himself for being a fool. He hadn’t spent so much time coming here before, until he had meet Tavin. He shook his head in wonder at the thought of her. He was fascinated with her. She was so open, inquisitive, and craving knowledge. Against his better judgment, he continued feeding that thirst, dropping subtle hints about the knowledge he carried. She was the first person in centuries to gain his interest, outside of his own. As he walked along the path to the cabin, he wondered how she came to be here. His steps slowed as he realized he had never even asked.

A startled cry broke through the early afternoon air, caused him to jump. Hearing it again, he hastened his pace towards the cabin.

As he neared the door. He could hear Octavian inside, cursing fluently. He felt an eye brow raise as he realized he didn’t understand her. He peeked a head inside and saw to his surprise Octavian hanging from a beam in the middle of the room, the chair over turned on the floor. She was glaring up at the raven cawing incisively in the corner, something glinting in his beak. Without thinking Solas quickly crossed the room and kicked the chair out of the way. He managed to grab her around her upper this, as her hold on the beam failed.

Her shriek of surprise ended in mid-syllable as she slammed against something solid and warm. Startled she looked down and saw nothing but Solas’s clear blue eyes. To her horror she turned bright red.

Keeping his eyes locked on hers, Solas let Tavin slide slowly down his body. They both gasped softly as they felt the heat of each other’s body. To Solas’s dismay, he could feel his body responding to her softness. His senses filled with the gentle scent of honey and cinnamon. It was the most intoxicating scent her had smelt in a long, long time. Once her feet hit the ground, he held her gaze for a long moment before stepping back putting space between them. Space he desperately needed.

Avoiding his eyes, Octavin quietly moved back even further. Scarlet of face Octavian spoke. “Thank-you. Kilsil.” She waved a hand at the raven, “Decided he liked the ring more then I do.”

“No problem.” He smiled as she snorted. He crossed the room his arms behind his back, Solas looked at the pages and tome on the table. “You’ve come far” He nodded at the pages.

Octavian walked forward and shrugged. “It’s fascinating.” She smooth the papers, and capped the inkwell. “How do you speak the language so well? I thought the language was dead.”

He blinked, avoiding her intense gaze. “I learned it in the fade, teaching myself.”

Octavian couldn’t help it, she snorted in disbelief but said nothing.

Solas turned and caught her eye, “Have you asked Flemeth how she knows it?”

Smiling Octavian shook her head no, but didn’t elaborate. “What did you mean by the fade?”

            He frowned at the abrupt change, but answered. “I dream of past lives in the fade, and see them as they unfold. Like echoes of a story playing out.” His eyes glowed blue as he described what he meant.

            Octavian looked at him in shock, “How is that possible, is it similar to what Tevinter used to do with Dreamers?”

            He shrugged, “I know not. It is just something I do.” He sat down at the table and pulled the hand written notes closer. Reading slowly, he ignored as Octavian as she continued to stare at him.

            “Would you like some tea?” She asked quietly, moving to the fire place to put the kettle on. The sound of disgust stopped her movements. Brushing back her hair and straightening she looked at him and frowned at the expression of disgust on his face, “I take it you don’t like tea?”

            “Truthfully, I despise it. It prevents me from crossing to the fade.” Leaning over the papers, he stabbed a finger at one of the words written there, “This word is wrong. It is actually _Ir tel'him_ – it means _I’m me again_ , or the more literal translation would be _I’m not transforming anymore_.”

Octavian walked over and leaned over his shoulder.

He inhaled sharply at the contact, and again the clean scent, of scent of honey and cinnamon filled his being. It filled his senses until her was almost dizzy With her softness pressed against his back, concentrating on the mundane translations was an illusive wish. Solas had to draw on centuries of self taught control to capture his desires and push them back. Continuing to read down the page, he pointed out another word. Telling her the correct translation.

            They spent the rest of the afternoon lost in time. Conversing about the paper and meaning of different words. They even went over some of the earlier papers she had written.

It wasn’t until she had stood up to light the lamp that Solas realized how late it was. Glancing out the window he saw the sun setting startled at the lateness of the hours he stood and turned to the black haired women across the room. “I should go, Tavin.”

            “Are you sure? If you’re hungry I can cook something.” Octavian watched, the indecision play across his face. To her disappointment he shook his head no.

            “Ir abelas, I can not.” He had to close his eyes and turned away at the disappointment on her face. Before he said or did something he would regret, he strode purposefully to the door. Solas looked back at her and smiled briefly before making his exit.

 

 

*******

 

 

**Ir tel'him**  ( _eer tel-HEEM_ ): "I'm me again." However, a more literal translation would be: "I'm not transforming anymore."

**Ir abelas**  ( _eer ah-ba-las_ ): I am\I'm sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Solis** **9:31**

 

“Checkmate!” Tavin taunted smugly, her sweet melodic voice echoing over the pond as she moved her piece on the board. She chuckled with amusement as Solas frowned at the board.

Folding his arms across he chest he half-teased “I should accuse you of cheating.” He chuckled at the look of indignation on Octavian’s face. The laughter in his words took away any reproach she felt. He had been surprised at how good she actually was at the game. The face she continued to beat him would not have been so surprising if he had just learned the game. He hadn’t. Solas had been playing chess for centuries and at one time had been one of the best. “You’ve beat me more times then I can count. How did you get so good?”

Leaning back she rested on her hands the grass felt wonderfully cool against her palms. “I never played much in the circle. I always felt there was so much else to do, then to sit down and play a game of chess. It wasn’t until I was sent to Ferelden to help The Gray Wardens that I _really_ started playing. There where plenty of nights with nothing to do. We played chess to pass the time. Some of them didn’t play, they would just gather around, watching. The first night I played…” She laughed at the memory. “Oliver beat me. Badly. I didn’t understand how he did it either. Within four moves of opening the game, it was over. I received much teasing and from then on became determined to become good at the game.” She closed her eyes, “I miss them sometimes.”

Solas watched the play of emotion on her face, “Why not go back?” Curiosity in his tone.

Octavian shrugged, and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and leaned forward, “Rematch, serrah?” She laughed at his grimace.

The sound of her delightful laugh caused goose-bumps to appear on his skin, but he accepted her challenge. In silence her, reset the chess board.

Octavian sat back, watching him make the first move.

Looking up through a fringe of thick black lashes Solas caught her watching him. He tried ignoring the yearning in her eyes. He closed his eyes so she couldn’t see the same yearning in his. His eyes flew open as he felt her touch along his jaw. Frozen, he could only sit there, his heart pounding, a roaring echoing in his ears as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He swallowed thickly, and shuddered as he felt the tip of her tongue, trace his lips. Unable to meet the penentrating look in her green eyes, he closed his own. His hands clenched in his lap, and he despertatly wanted to grab her to him, but he couldn’t move. Disappointment swept through him as he felt her pull back, and he opened his eyes, and read the embarrassment in her gaze.

Misreading his lack of action, Octavian’s face turned beet red, mortified she opened her mouth to speak. She never got the chance as Solas read the embarrassment in her eyes. Cursing himself for being a fool, he grasped her face with one hand. Quickly he slide it behind her neck and hauled her against him, knocking the chess board askew. His lips claiming hers firmly. She moaned softly, hands fluttering against his neck as he traced her lips and dipped his tongue inside when she opened her mouth. Their tongues warred, and dueled.

Solas groaned low in his throat, as he felt her trace her hands up his neck, and along the points of his ears. Pulling her tighter against his chest, he hauled her into his lap, deepening the kiss. He could feel her heart hammering against his body, and and heard the small whimpers escape from her throat, as her arms thread about his neck. They continued kissing, uncaring of the world around them. Solas couldn’t have said what made him raise his head, but slowly he did and looked down at the women in his arms. A warmth filling him, as he took in her hooded eyes burning with desire, and very kissed lips. Breathing harshly, he kissed her lips gently, before tucking her against his chest, lying his head on hers. Listening to her breathing, he closed his eyes waiting for his breathing to return to normal.

Octavian snuggled against him, for so long she had been attracted to Solas she couldn’t believe what had happened. If she was dreaming, she didn’t want to wake-up. Breathing deeply she absorbed his scent, of earth and spice. Her voice trembled slight as she asked, “You said you can see past events in the Fade, what have you witnessed?”

Solas smiled into her hair, “I’ve seen many things. Some that would take to long in the retelling. What is commonly believed is not how it actually happened.”

Twisting, Tavin looked up at him, “What do you mean?”

“Very few events in history ever take place the way it says in books. It depends on the author, and the place the book was written. It’s all interoperations, skewed by personal belief.” Sadness coated his voice, and darkened his face.

“Are there any events you know that happen the way it’s told?” Curiosity echoed in Tavin’s voice, as she snuggled back against him.

He nodded, moving her black tresses with his check. His voice soft, just above a whisper “Yes there are a few, but there is no a happy ending to them. I can show you if you like…”

“What do I need to do?” She asked curiously.

He chuckled at her excited and brought up his hand, “Nothing… Sleep” He breathed as he touched her forehead.

 

_As she looked around, Octavian, felt Solas beside her in the graying mist. The grayness slowly shifted and solidified in to shapes of people. The sounds of weapons ringing out echoed in the mist. The shouts of captains calling out orders continuing to echo with a hallow quality._

_She breathed deeply; Puzzlement marred her brow as she realized it didn’t smell right, but she was afraid to ask why. She walked around looking at the commander’s tent, and felt her breath catch as Oliver and Alistair both walked out and took off at a trot towards a tower in the distance._

_She glanced at Solas and he nodded, “Yes. The first battle. It happened exactly as it was said. Do you wish to stay?” She nodded._

_She followed the two men as they crossed the grounds and entered the tower, watching in silence as they fought their way to the top, to light the beacon. Octavian watched as Loghain ordered his troops home, leaving his King alone on the field, but for his immediate vanguard. She watched Oliver and Alistair become overrun. And watched as a dragon landed on the tower and flew of with both men. In silence Octavian stood for a long time, tears running down her wan face. Realizing a dozen truths in her soul at the moment, but she was unable to say them._

Solas moved up beside her and gently inquired, “Would you like to see something different?”

Whipping her face with her sleeve, she nodded. Smiling Solas waved his hand, banishing the scene around them, allowing another one to take it’s place.

_The gray mist was unsettling in the silence as the scene built around them. She heard sounds first, and could taste the excitement on the surface. The smells of dirt, and oil, and blood over whelmed her and her eyes widen as the scene resolved showing a pillar set in the middle of a city square. People milled about, talking excitedly pointing out things to there follows fellow citizens as they waited. A silence descended over the crowd as it parted, showing a naked women being shoved through the crowd. Red hair a mangled hacked and blood-matted mess. Face blank and expressionless, as the woman stumbled through the sea of people, her blue eyes looked forward. Guards followed behind barking order to move back and shoving the people who refused to move out of the way. As the guards and the women moved forward, a person wearing black robes stepped up on to the platform, followed by an man in armour and sword on his back. They watched them approach in silence. Proudly erect, the women mounted the stairs, her steps never faulting. Ignoring the two man she walked to the to the pillar, and stepped into the wood circled around it. Lifting her face she looked out over the crowd and in a ringing commanding tone, spoke, “_ Those who oppose thee, Shall know the wrath of heaven. Field and forest shall burn. The seas shall rise and devour them. The wind shall tear their nations from the face of the earth. Lightning shall rain down from the sky. They shall cry out to their false gods. And find silence.

_Some of the people cried out and fell to their knees. Other’s jeered, and laughed. Some just looked on in silence as their tears fell like rain. The man in black, sneered and gestured to one of the guards, who tied her to the pillar, then stepped back._

_“ **Andraste** , for heretical teachings, preaching of false words, and believing you can commune with the maker. You have been branded a witch, and sentenced to die. What do you say to the charges?” The voice of the man echoed out across the square, people shifted as there was silence in answer to his question._

_The women tied to the pillar, closed her eyes and leaned against it briefly panting slightly, before a visual calm came over her. She opened her eyes, and looked out over the square again, locking eyes with someone in the crowd, “_ Let the blade pass through the flesh. Let my blood touch the ground. Let my cries touch their hearts. Let mine be the last sacrifice _.” She stood still and waited, refusing to speak any more. Finally the one with the sword, nodded to the black robed man who grimaced and muttered under his breath. Flames erupted around the women. People cried out in despair and other’s in happiness. Andraste made no sound, even when the flames grew and touched her skin,_

_Octavian could see blood rolling down her face from where she had bitten through her lips to keep the cries inside._

_The crowd had long fallen silent as the women refused to make a sound. The flames burned, eating at her flesh. Yet the women lived a long time, longer than anyone expected. All this time she, never uttering a sound. The only sounds were the crackling of flames and the hiss of burning flesh. Finally the man with the sword stepped forward and raked his blade free, and leaned over the flames and drove his blade through Andraste. As pulled the sword free, flames wrapped around the weapin and held there for a moment before dissipating along with the fire around the pillar. The body of the women slummed against the pillar, chained to it, blackened and burned. Blood seeped from the wound on her chest._

Solas touched Octavian’s elbow and tenderly brushed the tears from her face, before whispering, “wake-up.”

Octavian woke crying, Solas held her in his arms, rocking her and gently whispering in her ear. Slowly her tears faded, and she raised her head. “Are all the memories like that?”

“No. It depends on the emotions at the time. Strong emotions echo the strongest in the Fade, and leave a bigger imprint. You can find some that cause no emotional reaction, but they are rare.” He sighed in regret as she moved out of his lap and rose unsteadly to her feet.

“Thank-you for showing me” Octavian turned and surveyed the man sitting on the ground. A flash of attraction shot through her, before she glanced at the sky, noticing how dark it had become. “I should go before Flemeth sends out a search party.” She laughed softly and quickly kneeling, she cleaning up the chess pieces, freezing as he spoke.

“You didn’t seem surprised by the dragon” He asked carefully. “Is there a reason for that?” He regarded her steadily.

“Yes, I knew about that. I was there when they came back saying they had fought Flemeth, saying she had turned into a dragon. For some reason Oliver lied to Morrigan. They never fought her, they agreed to let her go.” She laughed softly, “You can imagine there surprise when they arrived to fight her, and she told them they would have to fight a dragon.”

He frowned slightly, “Aren’t you worried you are, ‘living’ with a dragon?” He frown turned to a scowl as she shook her head.

“No, Solas I’m not worried. I don’t know her whole story, and the pieces that Morrigan shared, don’t add up. I believe she has suffered more then most could imagine, and I’m giving her the benefit of a doubt. She rescued me when she didn’t need to and she is sharing some of the knowledge she has. I trust her.” Gathering the bag she stood up “Goodnight Solas.” She turned and started to walk back up the path.

Solas frowned to himself, wondering if he should have cautioned her in trusting Flemeth, he knew Flemeth did nothing without reason. Instead he stood and caught her wrist, and pulled her to him. Lifting her up slightly so he wouldn’t have to bend so much to claim them. The heat from her mouth seared through him, leaving his blood boiling as he nibbled at the enters to her mouth. Sighing he slipped his tongue inside when she opened her mouth. Holding her tight against his chest, he allowed her to feel his arousal before lifting his head and smiled down at her flushed checks and kissed lips. “Dareth eran’en.” He let her feet set back down on the ground, before leaning in and gently kissing her lips again. Before walking with her up the path before they each took different paths.

********

**dareth eran’en -**  be safe dreams, “sleep safely” (credit: solas-harel)


	6. Chapter 6

**Matrinalis 9:31**

Solas woke all at once.

His first thoughts where on Tavin. Groaning he buried his face in his hands, and thought of _anything_ that would calm his reaction of half remembered dreams that floated through his mind in a continual flood. At his age, well over three thousand years, one would think he would know better. He just didn’t understand this obsession he had with her. Octavian was blindingly intelligent. He had always been attracted to intelligent ladies, but _this_ was more than that. He would almost have suspected a desire demon, if he hadn’t seen the purity of her spirit in the fade. He strove to keep a distance from her, trying to ignore the desire that echoed between each of them. Unfortunately _HE_ had failed, miserably! From the day they had played chess, he realized it was not just Tavin that was attracted. Groaning again, he rolled over, tying to ignore his physical discomfort. Angrily he surge to his feet. Dressing quickly, he strode across the room. With a wave of his hand, Solas lit the fire place and cooked some food. Trying desperately to banish the visions from his mind.

Soon the smell of cooking bacon filled the room. Grabbing a fork he ate from the pan, to hell with etiquette. There was no one here to offend. He wiped the pan clean when he finished and hung it on the wall, snuffing the flames with an absent wave on the way out. Striding through the ruin of the temple he carefully crossed the grounds. In no time, he was in the sheltered garden at the heart of the temple. There the _Eluvian_ sat, as if waiting for him. He approached the _Eluvian_ and before he could question his decision, he activated it and stepped through.

He walked down the path towards the cabin when he the sounds of splashing tinkled in the calm, morning air. Although soft, Solas could easily hear it above the multitude of birds that greeted the dawn of a new day. Automatically he turned down the path that took him away from the cabin. He froze between the trees at the entrance to the clearing. Solas forgot how to breathe, as he caught sight of the naked women swimming in the water. Black hair swirling behind her in her wake. He stifled a groan as Octavian turned to lay on her back to float. His eyes devoured her. His hands itched to touch her wet skin glistening in the sun, rosy nipples taunt from the cool morning air. To his horror, his eyes began to gray-out. His chest burned as if on fire. It was then, that he realized it was not just a reaction from looking at her, but the fact he wasn’t breathing.

As quietly as possible, Solas drew a deep, gulping breathe. The last thing he wanted to do was pass out. His hands curled his hands into fist. Slowly, carefully, Solas started to back away. It was either that, or join her, which he knew he just could not. No matter how much he longed to surrender to temptation, he couldn’t. There was so much about _him,_ which she did not know. Things he could _not_ tell her. At least not now. He was not as careful as he believed.

A branch snapped, sounding extremely loud, in the calm air. The sound alerting Octavian to his presence. She stood in a rush, water cascading down her body. Startled green eyes locked on his. Solas saw the blush appear on her face and trail down her skin. Greedily his eyes followed the path.

Frozen Octavian stared. She could feel the heat of his gaze, which only deepened her blush. Tavin licked suddenly dry lips, she could hear desire throbbing in his groan. A shiver, not of fear but delight ran down her spine. They stood gazing at each other for a long moment. A caw of a raven broke the spell around them.          

Solas wrenched his eyes away from hers. It took extreme effort for him to turn away. Closing his eyes, he willed his body to behave itself, as he heard her wading through the water, and hoist herself onto the bank. Through closed eyes, he could envision her supple body moving through the water. Water sliding seductively down her flat stomach and down her perfectly formed legs. To drip on the grass. So heightened was he that Solas could hear every splat onto the grass. His body spasmed with each drop. He heard fabric being caressed against skin. Desperately, he tried blocking the images that ran rampet through his mind.

Solas started as he felt a hand touch his elbow. Compulsively, he swung his gaze down to look into her vivid green eye, and almost caved. The desire in them did little to help his self-control. To his shock, he began to shake. He had to bite his tongue, the shard of pain helped him gain a bit more control of himself. He was thankful she had dressed, even if the clothing was soaked. Solas didn’t know if he had the strength to stop himself from reaching for her if she was still naked. Breathing heavily, he forced himself to move away, even so the scent of water and honey permeated the air as it arose from her skin.

“Solas.” Octavian’s voice caught. “Don’t go”

The catch caused Solas to wince, “I have to. I. We can’t do this. It’s not right.” Once again, he moved away, refusing to meet her eyes. Thankfully, his hands were still clench. It stopped him from gathering her in his arms. Or… following through with his desires. To hell with what was right or proper.

“Why isn’t it right?” The hoarse question was torn from her throat. “Is it because I’m human, and you’re an elf? I know you want me, just as much as I want you.”

He shook his head, “It’s not about race.”

“Is it the age difference?” Tavin pressed, a perplexed frown marred her face as Solas gave a bitter laugh.

“ _Fenedhis”_ , He half shouted and swung around face her. “No! It _is not_ the age difference.”

“Then why? I don’t understand.” Confused, Octavian shook her head, her arms limp by her side.

Standing across from him Octavian stood rigid, “Then why? I don’t understand.”

Solas had to close his eyes. The pain and confusion in those brilliant emerald eyes cut him far deeper than any sword of forged steel. “I’m sorry.” He whispered his voice harsh with the agony he was feeling. “I can’t…” Unable to bare the hurt in those eyes, eyes he had come to admire, Solas turned and reluctantly strode away. If he had not been as self-controlled as he was, his feet would have dragged through the grass.

With a chocked cry, Octavian buried her face in her hands, trying to stem the tears that flowed. Of all the men she knew, it wasn’t fair that she had finally fallen in love with a man she could never have.

The strangled sob, shot right through Solas, His stride faltered. It was so tempting to turn back, but he could not. Biting his check he continued heading back the way he had come, as quickly as possible. He HAD to put space between the two of them. Solas knew it was wrong to come here. Things were getting too complicated between them. No matter how much it hurt. It was time to stay away.

***

**Fenedhis**  ( _FEN-ehd-is_ ): common curse.


	7. Chapter 7

**Frumentum** 9:31

Flemeth was standing in the cabin looking around; wondering what had gone wrong with _The Plan_. Solas hadn’t been by in weeks. Flemeth was starting to get worried. She never asked Tavin about it, and Tavin never said a word. Flemeth knew though, that they had fallen in love, _but_ that stubborn elf was fighting his own heart. She racked her brain trying to think of a way to get him to return. Her thoughts were interpreted as Tavin darting into the cabin, breathless and disheveled, and there were tears in her eyes, and streaked upon her face. A moment of alarm flashed through Flemeth, “What…”

Tavin cut her off with a wave of her hand, she did not want to talk about what had just happened. She needed something to distract the older women and Octavian knew the perfect foil. She moved across the room, “I need stew, there is a wolf hanging around the glade again this morning. I want to try and bond with him, so I can try and shape-shifting.”

Flemeth brows raise, “A wolf? What does it look like _Len_?” She asked the question as neutrally as she could, trying to hide the tingle of excitement.

“He’s white, with blue eyes. He’s beautiful!” An odd expression on her face, there was something familiar about the wolf, but Tavin didn’t know what. It was puzzling, for it felt as if she knew the creature, stranger though it was. Caught up in her musings, Tavin didn’t catch the tone of Flemeth’s voice. Quickly, she dished out a bowl of stew, and once again took off again with a wave of her hand.

Flemeth watched her go. Reaching out with a touch of magic she felt the shield around the glade. A feral smile lifted the corners of her mouth. Apparently, Solas couldn’t stay away.

Briskly Octavian walked along the path, keeping eyes on the shadows. Reaching the glade, Tavin abruptly stopped. The wolf was leaning over the pond, drinking from it. He froze when she appeared. An intense look burned in his vivid blue eyes. Cautiously, she approached holding the bowl of stew out. Keeping an eye on the magnificent animal, Octavian placed the bowl on the ground and moved back. Sitting by the ring of trees, she tucked her knees up and placed her chin on them, trying to be as none threatening as possible. An expression of awe shone on Octavian’s face as she watched the wolf eating. Closing her eyes, Tavin drew on her magic. Chanting slowly, she calmed her mind.

Solas, in wolf form, watched her. His eyes narrowed as he felt the familiar taste of magic tingle along his fur. He crept forward trying to keep an appearance of being an untamed and uncertain wolf. Quickly he gulped down ate the meal, one eye upon Octavian. Solas stiffened as he realized what she was trying to do. She was _Calling_ to him, trying to bond so she could shape-shift. He felt his heart swell, a whined constricted the back of his throat. He saw her eyes snap open, as she lost concentration. Slowly, ever so slowly he slunk slowly towards her. Crawling on his belly. Reaching her, he placed his head in her lap and inhaled the scent of her, honey and cinnamon, mixed with oranges. Apparently she them for breakfast. If he had been himself he would have groaned. He felt her tentative touch stroke his fur. He shivered slightly – hoping she would take it as apprehension in the wolf, and not the desire he was feeling. Although a wolf, he could feel his body responding as she curled her fingers and combed his thick pelt. Thankfully, he was lying on his belly. It hid his reaction. Mentally, he chuckled, wondering what she would think if it became more noticeable. For a long time, they sat like that. Him on his belly, and her combing his fur. The sun moving across the clearing. Solas felt the familiar hum of her magic as she relaxed.

Closing her eyes, Tavin tried to invoke the chant. He heard a crashing through the brush before she did. Growling he leapt to his feet. Startled and no little frightened, Octavian rose to her feet, swinging her head around. To their immense relief a deer crashed into the clearing. Momentarily, the deer froze at the sight of them before bounding off again. It broke the spell of the moment. Solas, cocked his head to the side as Octavian weakly chuckle, and pressed a hand to her chest, “Maybe, next time, I’ll bring my bow and arrows. Just in case.” She gasped as the wolf licked her hand, before turning and chasing after the deer.

He was still close enough to hear her comment, “I hope you come back.”


	8. Chapter 8

**End of Umbralis** **9:31**

            “Happy Name day, Octavian.” The greeting Flemeth gave her as she came in from outside caused her to freeze. Lifting her eyes to the other women they narrowed in confusion, “How did you know today is my Name Day?”

            Cursing slightly, Flemeth thought frantically, and lied sweetly, “I believe your mother mentioned it once.” She shrugged gracefully, “Apparently it stuck with me?” Avoiding Octavian’s intense gaze, the older women frantically cast about for something else to say. Then hit upon the perfect foil. “How’s your shape-shifting with the wolf going?” She breathed a sigh of relief as Tavin ignored her earlier comment, and slumped down into the chair.

            “A lot harder then the cat or raven, that’s for sure.” Sighing Octavian turned to look into the fire, for several long moments, silence hung heavily in the air.

            “Is there something bothering you, Tavin?” Flemeth’s question caught Octavian off guard, startled she swung haunted eyes back to the women. “No, I’m going for a walk.”

There was a trace of underlining sadness in Octavian’s voice that caught Flemeth by surprise. It increased sharply when Octavian didn’t even elaborate, she just grabbed a cloak, her bow and quiver and slipped out the door pulling it shut firmly behind her.

            Octavian adjusted the quiver at her hip and swung the fur-lined cloak over her shoulders, suddenly missing her own clothing suddenly. She had been so used to ‘thief’ clothes of pants and jerkins with various different styled bloused. This whole ‘dress’ theme was hard to go back too. She realized she had been wearing dresses of some sort for the last seven months, none of which had been her own. They had all been clothing that Flemeth had picked up and brought back for her from wherever it was that she went to get supplies. Carrying the bow Octavian walked down the path towards the pond. The air was so still that the water reflected everything around it like a mirror. With the afternoon sun glinting off its surface making it look so appealing. Tavin regretted that it was to cold to swim. Suddenly very angry, she kicked at a dead leaf, as she walked. It did little to relieve the rage clawing at her. And she had no idea why.

Octavian wanted to do something purely physical, and had no idea what to do. Entering the clearing, she stood, almost vibrating in angry as she looked around. An idea suddenly formed in her mind. Moving about the glade, Octavian used a bit of magic to mark the trees both high up and lower down. Carefully she scrapped a bit of bark away to expose the lighter, newer bark underneath, making the target easier to see.

Shrugging out of the cloak, she moved to the center of the glen shivering as the cool air played across her back, and stirred her hair. Her hands trembled slightly as she gathered her hair, allowing the wind to play along her neck, for some reason the touch reminded her of Solas. Angrily she shoved the thought away, and finished tying off her hair back with a bit of leather twine. Shaking her shoulders to loosen the tension, she caught up her bow. Nocking an arrow she pulled back, aim and fired. The bolt hit exactly where she aimed. Turning randomly, but still in a circular manner, Octavian hit the targets she set up. When she ran out of arrows, she collected them and started over again. No thoughts of lunch entered her mind as she continued shooting. Twisting and turning, her speed increased, until she was covered in sweat, breathing hard. Quickly gathering the arrows again she moved back into placed, fired off three shots in rapid succession.

She never heard the foot steps behind her. So when she turned she fired, to her horror, she saw Solas standing right where she had just aimed.

Calmly, Solas raised a barrier and easily deflected the arrow.

With a chocked cry, Octavian dropped her bow. Wide-eyed and no little surprised she stared at him, her breathing still erratic and pounding and not just from the target practice. She felt the ache of tears in the back of her throat and had to swallow past the lump that appeared, her mouth somewhat dry, she managed to speak somewhat normally. “What are you doing here?” She bent to pick up her bow, trying to prove to herself that she was unaffected by him being there. Ignoring the elf, she carefully checking over her bow for damage and finding none. Taking a deep breath, Octavian moved around the clearing, collecting the arrows she had shot. In an indifferent manner dropping them into her quiver.

            Finished, Tavin turned and found Solas holding her cloak. She debated on weather she should accept it or just leave. The blast of frigid wind blew down around, bringing the smell of snow decided for her. A cloak would be a good thing, she gasped as the cold fingers running down her spine. Biting her lip she walked up to the elf and allowed him to place it over her shoulders. She sighed as he wrapped her in a cocoon of warmth from his magic. The shivers became shudders as soon as the warmth hit her. Octavian didn’t realized just how cold she actually was. Keeping her face blank, she looked up at him. “Why are you here Solas? You made it clear months ago that…” She broke off, unable to say that he didn’t want her. To her horror tears welled in her eyes. Quickly she looked away, so he couldn’t see them.

            Solas reached out and caught her chin. His heart cramped painful at the tears that rimmed her green eyes. Tears his past actions had caused, “I am a fool.” The pain in his eyes caught her breath, but he continued. “I don’t know if I’m what you need, as there are things you don’t know. But Spirits help me, I’m can’t stop thinking of you.…” He swallowed, unsure how to continue.

            “I couldn’t stop thinking of you either.” Tavin whispered back. She gasped at the look of desire that burned like flame in his blue eyes.       

Solas enfolded her in his arms, relaxing for the first time in a long time. A warmth spread through him as she leaned into him, arms around his waist. Bending slightly he breathed in her scent and smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Cassus 9:31**

Octavian walked down the path, ignoring the chilly wind, holding a bowl of stew, snuggling under the warmth of the cloak. Tavin stepped carefully over a tree that had fallen during the winter. Reaching the glade, she slowly looked around. She smiled inwardly as she saw the wolf tracks in the mud along the bank and set the bowl down near the pond where the tracks were thickest. Walking back Tavin folded the blanket in her other hand she set it down. Sitting cross legged on it, Tavin closed her eyes, her wrist resting on her knees, so that her hands hung loosely. Breathing slowly, deeply and evenly, she _Called_ and waited. Minutes passed, still she kept her eyes closed still _Calling_. She smiled softly as she felt the bump of a cold nose touch her hand. Opening her green eyes she gazed at the wolf sitting across from her. Cautiously she reached out and gently combed his soft fur. Tavin giggled like a little girl as he licked her hand. Once again showing trust in her, the large white wolf curled up against her. Leaning into the wolf, Octavian closed her eyes again. Slowing her breathing she silently chanted and waited. Warmth spread through her, tingling over her skin. She inhaled smelling a difference in the air.

Opening her eyes she surveyed the area with _Wolf Sight_ , the first thing she notice was that the colors looked wrong. It took her a moment to realize that she couldn’t different the color green. Even without that color Tavin noticed that everything looked sharper, it was almost like there was more details to pick out on the blanket under her paws. Turning she found the wolf staring her. To her surprise, the creature was now on the opposite side of the clearing, she hadn’t even noticed he’d moved. She could clearly see shock, joy, and surprisingly pride sparkling in his eyes. Dipping his head in what appeared to be ‘Congratulations’ he slipped into the brush and disappeared from view. Sighing heavily, Tavin turned and made her way back to the cabin, tail wagging happily behind her.

Flemeth sat at the table, reading a book in front of her when she felt a bump against her hand. She looked down. A wide grin spread across her face as she regarded the black wolf sitting before her, with vivid green eyes. The green eyes blink, but not before Flemeth noticed a brilliant shaft of silver over lay them. Flemeth gasped sharply, heart clenching in sorrow. The eyes opened again showing the vivid green once again. Though her heart pounded, Flemeth forced herself to act naturally. Leaning down, she hugged the wolf. Arms wrapped around her as the creature she transformed back in Octavian. “Good job, Tavin! I’m proud of you.”

“Thank-you Flemeth. If it wasn’t for you…” Tears shine in the young women’s eyes and it caused Flemeth to frown.

“What is it _len_?” Concern coated Flemeth’s voice. Cupping the younger women’s face, she forced Tavin to meet her gaze.

“Nothing. It’s tears of happiness. Honest.” Octavian’s voice quivered slightly, standing she brushed off her dress, “I have to go back and get the bowl and blanket.”

Nodding, Flemeth watched the young mage race out the door. Her heart aching, over the flash of what she saw. She knew there were more trails to come for Octavian. With a sigh Flemeth stood. Moving to the fire, she gazed into it, loosing herself in the flames and memories of what once was, as a single tear trickled slowly down her cheek.

 

As dusk was falling over the area. Solas knocked on the closed door of the cabin. Neutral of face, Flemeth opened it, “Hello.” Even that simple word gave no hint of weather she was please that he was there or not.

Swallowing awkwardly, Solas tried to smile. He realized he didn’t know how this woman felt about him coming around like this. He also realized at the same time she wouldn’t appreciate the feelings he had Tavin. Feelings that had grown quickly between them. “Is Tavin around?” He asked avoiding her gaze.

Flemeth hid a smile at his actions. He was like a nervous young teen. One uncertain of a parent’s approval and not willing to show it. Flemeth’s tone was cool as she stated, “She went for a walk down by the pond.” Not giving him a chance to speak she shut the door in his face. Flemeth nearly blew her act with laughter as she heard his relieved sigh, and curse under his breath.

Frowning Solas turned away, as he tried to figure Flemeth / Mythal out. He knew this relationship that was developing with Tavin wasn’t right. Although he thought for sure that Flemeth would stop it. However she seemed content to pretend that it didn’t exist. A moment of panic rushed through as he thought of the reasons for her actions – or lack there of. As Solas walked into the glade, he heard an excited bark, and his worries disappeared. He brought his head up and saw the black wolf race across the clearing and leap at him, trying to lick his face. His heart pounded in his chest, momentarily concerned on how she had managed to master the Shape-Shifting with him, as it shouldn’t have been possible. He felt a smile spread across his face at Octavian’s excited, as he grabbed her ruff, holding her in place, her paws on his chest. Leaning down he meant to place a kiss on her nose, however she turned back into a human at the same time, stretched up on her tiptoes, to claim his lips. Arms snaked up around his neck to hold him in place, while pressing hard against him. He stiffened, knowing he should protest, before moaning softly as he felt her trace the outline of his lips, with her tongue. Ardently, he returned her kiss. His arms encircling her. One hand cradled the back her head as he opened his mouth allowing her in. Tongues dueled and caressed each other. The other hand held her closer. He ground against her stomach causing her to gasp as she felt the rigid length of his arousal pressed against her. With a gasp he broke off kissing her and buried his head in her shoulder. Compulsively, he pressed helpless kisses along her neck. Her scent of honey, and cinnamon filled him till he was almost dizzy. Slowly, he trailed kisses up to her ear. Catching it lightly with his teeth he bite down gently, enjoying her shiver and arch against him. Moving to the other side of her neck, he retraced the same path as he had on the other side, tugging on that ear lobe as well. Arching against him again Octavian ran her hands over his head, and along the tip of his ears, finger nails gently grazing. He growled low in his throat. Picking her up Solas held her ass firmly in both hands. He ground himself between her thighs as he claimed her lips once again. Hungry for the taste of her. He nipped and sucked at her lips, loving the sounds she made in the back of her throat. Her arms grasped his neck pulling him even tighter. She shuddered and moaned low, “Solas, please…” She begged her voice thick with desire.

Hearing his name, Solas froze. Eyes closed, he broke off the kiss and released, her allowing her to slide down his chest. Holding her close he lowered his head and rest his forehead against hers, breathing hard. “ _Ir abelas, ma vhenan.”_ Pulling away, he put distance between them trying to bring himself under control.

He shuddered as he felt her follow and grasp his arm. Stepping in front of him, Octavian blocked his escape. “Do you mean the endearment?” Her voice was rough with unspent passion, but it was the question that caused his eyes to snap open.

Looking her straight in the eye, he answered firmly “I shouldn’t. But yes I do.”

With desire filled eyes, Octavian gazed up at him. “Then why did you stop?” Frustration, boiled under the words.

Solas swallowed his own frustrations. “I’m not ready for that step just yet. I need time.”

Confused Tavin frowned. Although she didn’t understand, she didn’t press, knowing that if she did she would get no answer. Or more frightening, he would flee, and not return. Nodding, she slowly backed away, “Will I see you tomorrow?”

“If you want me to come, I will.” As he spoke he watched her expression, fighting for control, tempted to just give in.

Licking her lips she gazed at him hungrily before nodding, “Please.”

Solas walked up to her, his gaze intense. “I’ll come.” Leaning down, he caught her lips gently before breaking the contact and walking away. He turned at the exit to the glade and looked back. Octavian stood, eyes closed and fingers pressed to her lips as if to hold the kiss there. He smiled before continuing along the path.

Octavian stood that was for a long time, body singing with the knowledge that she loved him, and that he hadn’t actually left her at all the last few months.  


 

******

 **Len**  ( _LEHN_ ): child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you know the next chapter is going to be long.... so it might take a day or to finish


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my interpretations of what happens in the past.  
> Italics are flashbacks to the past / or memories

**Eluviesta 9:32**

A gently warm breeze stirred the black curls of the mage and fluttered the papers held down by the inkwell. Stretched out on her stomach, feet lazily in the air, crossed at the ankles, she adjusted the book on the blanket in front of her. Lowering her head, she squinted at the cramped writing in the small book, before turning her attention to her own written notes. Glancing back at the volume she gave it a disgusted look, before growling in frustration as she tossed her quill down with a muttered curse, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand.

“Is this a bad time, _ma vhenan_.” Solas’s gravelly voice brought Octavian’s head up and she smiled.

“No, it’s just frustrating me. I finished the other book and it was interesting. As you said, it was just a romance. This one though seems to be a history, or an accounting of history just before the fall of _Elvhenan._ It’s fascinating. It’s hand written, like it’s someone’s journal. It’s like I should know the word, but it’s not quite right.” Drawn by the book Tavin returned to it. Hearing his chuckle, she raised her eyes, watching as he crossed the clearing then sat down beside her. Flushing, without knowing why she ducked her head, her eyes skimming over the words. As Solas touch her hair, she raised her eyes again. Then rolled over to gaze up at him her eyes roving over his handsome face.

“I could show you something” Keeping his face completely blank, Solas felt his own surprise at the offering. He hadn’t even thought if it. It just sort of popped out of nowhere Almost as if his mind was operating separately from conscious thought. He looked down at her, waiting for her response, a smile curved his lips. Solas snarled slightly to himself. He hadn’t meant to smile. Again, it was if his lips were acting along with the part of his brain that he had no control of. It was as if his entire body had an agenda of their own and had neglected to let him in on it.

Octavian sat up in a rush, her face flushed with pleasure, black hair moving behind her swirling around on the blanket. “Could you?” The excitement shimmered through the words. Her lips curled into a beaming smile.

At his nod, she shrieked and threw herself at him, hugging him tightly. Kissing his nose she leaned back and laughed as he wrinkled it.

A warm smile crossed his own features as he leaned down and gently kissed her lips. Reluctantly, he moved back, and patted the blanket. “Lay down.” Still smiling, he lay beside her, resting on an elbow. The smile slid away as he leaned over her and brought up other hand. Touching her forehead, he whispered, “Sleep.”

_Glasses chimed and clinked against once another as servers moved amongst the guests, serving with polite smiles. Music drifted out though an open window and onto the balcony. The smell of oranges, lemons, and honeysuckle mingle in the air, overlaid with the fragrance of the flowers blooming in the gardens. Elves moved around, talking pleasantly with one another. There was a layer of excitement in the air that was easy to read and feel. Everyone seemed happy and relaxed. Content to enjoy their hosts’ hospitality. They danced, ate and drank the evening away. Mythal had pulled off the impossible. Somehow she had got all the Gods to call a Truce to give people a chance to relax and be happy for a change. Three years had gone by without someone dying a violent death, three years with out fear of being dragged from their homes, three years to speculate what could happen next._

Solas moved up beside Octavian watching her face intently as she gazed around in utter fascination. Suddenly she gripped his arm tight, her face white.

“Is that a Desire Demon?” She pointed to the far side of the room, causing Solas to sigh.

“Yes. Remember what I said? At one time the veil did not exist, spirits and elves moved freely together. They where friends with people here. They had control over their forms, and natures. Even the concepts of what you have over spirits would be incorrect in this time.” Solas drew silent at the frown that appeared on Octavian’s face. He heaved a sigh. “I do not know how to explain it.” He shrugged, clearly frustrated with his inability to explain what he meant. Suddenly, he asked. “How much do you know about the Elven Pantheon?”

Octavian’s frown increased to a scowl at his question. But she answered as best she could. “Not much.” There was a pregnant pause before Octavian continued. “Just that the Dalish still revere them. I may understand some of their language, but that does not mean I understand the culture. It wasn’t something taught in the Circle.” As she slid her eyes over to the spirit on the other side of the room, she missed the frown on Solas’s face. In disbelief, she watched the Desire Demon.

Solas shifted his weight, from one foot to the other. Drawing her attention again, with his arms across his chest and his face guarded. Solas looked cold and foreboding, nothing like the man Octavian had fallen in love with. She could hardly believe this remote elf and ‘her Solas’ where one and the same. It sent a little chill down her spine. He cleared his throat and spoke, voice filled with distain. “The Dalish have got there history wrong. The pantheons were NOT gods. The only one who could have been “classified” as that was Elgar'nan, he was the first. He befriended Spirits. One of them was a Spirit of Justice. Justice grew to love him, and he returned her love. He allowed her to take the form of her choice. She became known as Mythal.

The Forgotten ones where also spirits, who also choose to join Mythal. None of them realized that acquiring real bodies would change them. They left behind there real personalities and natures.” Solas’s gaze became lost in the past as he spoke. “Geldauran became jealous that Elgar’nan loved Mythal. Anaris was jealous of Geldauran’s feelings for Elgar’nan. Daern'thal just wanted more. But he managed to hide his obsession.” He shook his head, and gazed down into Octavian’s green eyes noticing how they where glued to his face. He smiled, despite the seriousness of the conversation. “They managed to live that way for centuries. At some point Mythal found out she was expecting…” His voice trailed off as movement within the memories caught Octavian’s attention.

_The double doors where thrown wide, and trumpets rang out, echoing through the mist. An elf stepped out, towering over the crowds gathered below. He gold hair glinting like fire in the lighting of the gardens. He paused at the top of the stairs and turned to the open doors, holding out an arm to the women who step out after him. She came to his chest, black curls rippling down her back, flowers adorned her head in an intricate crown._

Some of the flowers Octavian didn’t recognize. She felt Solas’s breath next to her ear and she shivered as he whispered, “Elgar’nan and Mythal.” Octavian felt her eyes widen in surprise as she looked at the two ‘beings’ again.

_Elgar’nan was taller then Solas by another head. His gold hair rippled down his muscular back. The mage lights turning the shining mass the color to that of a sunset as he moved. He wore a toga-styled robe that was clasped at the right shoulder with a massive sun spreading over his shoulder. Sandals adorned his feet. His brilliant blue eyes shone down at the women at his side. Love plain and evident in his intense gaze. Mythal looked up at the man at her side, a luminous smile spreading across her delicate face. Her golden eyes dancing with delight. The dress she wore flowed around her body like liquid glass, reflecting the colors of those assembled in a cascading rainbow. Mythal moved with a liquid grace that was surreal. She seemed to flow through the air, not quite floating, but not walking either. The two of them walked to the edge of the stairs, and down the steps together, to mingling with their guests. Occasionally Elgar’nan’s laughter or Mythal’s sweet chuckle rose above the fin of a multitude of voices, as they conversed with those gathered. After sometime had passed, more trumpets echoed out and other figures arrived. Two elven males, identical in ever way except hair color. One had black hair. The other white._ “Falon’Din, and Dirthamen” Solas point to each receptively. _Falon’Din face was twisted in displeasure at first, but a hard look from Elgar’nan made him smooth his features into a more pleasing façade. Dirthamen’s features showed nothing, a blank puzzle that caused other’s to avert their gaze as if staring would bring his attention. A blond elf joined Falon’Din and handed him a drink. Then chuckled at his expression. A serene look of happiness reflected in her blue eyes._

“Sylaise. June her husband wasn’t here for this party he had been called home to deal with an issue.” Solas looked around the memory, a feeling of sadness lingered in his face before he managed to smooth his features into a more natural expression.

_Music echoed out around them coming from somewhere inside the pavilion. Couples in the garden came together and started dancing. Their bodies twisting and turning in a complicated ritual._

Tavin’s head spin at the detail, which went into the dance. She turned as she heard a sweet childlike echo of laughter. Octavian’s green eyes landed on a pixie-haired child.

_The small girl’s white hair glinted as she turned around in a circle trying to emulate the older dancers. The red haired women holding the child’s hands looked down with love and pride warring for a place on her face._

Octavian turned to Solas, a frown on her brow and questions in her eyes. Solas continued to stare at the women and child for a long moment, his expression unreadable. With a start, he returned to himself as he realized Tavin was looking at him. Nervously he cleared his expression and spoke softly. “Ghilan’nain and her mother Andruil, before Ghilan’nain’s murder, and Andruil went mad.” Solas averted his eyes, and moved away from the duo dancing. Walking away from the memory. Quietly Tavin followed still absorbed with the memory. As she walked she noticed elves moving amongst the guest, but the only _Vallaslin_ she saw on their faces depicted their allegiances to Elgar’nan. Solas saw what she was looking at and spoke over the music, “This memory took place in **Halamshiral, this is actually Elgar’nan’s temple gardens. The elves you see are his. The ones with weapons are the Centennials, an elite honor guard. Other’s also had Centennials, but it was consider bad manners to have them join the parties. The Centennials did not get along with the ‘opposing’ groups very well. If we viewed a memory of a party held at another place you would only see Centennials from that specific ‘deity’ present.”**

**A puzzled frown wrinkled Octavian’s brow as she** looked around, “So every one of these ‘gods’ are supposed to be here. Expect June?” She glanced back at Solas and caught his nod. “So…” She continued, puzzling it out as she spoke. “Where is the one called Fen’Harel?” She turned her head to look out over the gathered throng dancing missing Solas’s flash of fear. Clearing his throat, he pointed, across the room. Standing on the tips of her toes, trying to see where he pointed, Tavin could make out a figure leaning back in the shadows, eyes glowing like an animals in the dark. He was watching the women and child dancing. His face was hidden in shadows so Octavian was unable to see his expression.

Tavin turned to Solas, “He didn’t like these parties?”

Solas looked out over the garden at the figure hidden and shrugged. “Not partially.

Tavin turned back to watch the memories, “So… what happens here, I assume it would be a prelude to something bad given the way the other memories you’ve shown me work.”

He surprised her by laughing, “You’d think that wouldn’t you? Truth be told, nothing bad happens at this gathering. Everyone was just relieved that the fighting had finally stopped and they could actually enjoy themselves.” Solas reached out and drew a surprised Octavian into his arms. He held her for a long moment, and then slowly turned them in time to the music, singing the words to it softly under his breath as he stared down in to her green eyes. He allowed his feelings for her to glow in his eyes. As they turned in time to the music, he leaned down and slowly claimed her lips. Drawing back, he whispered against them, his breath fanning her face and the desire’s within. “Wake-up”

Slowly opening her eyes, Octavian looked up at Solas. “You said Andruil went mad, after the death of her daughter?” Sitting up she stretching her back, feeling it pop as it adjusted from laying so long.

Sadly Solas nodded. “Yes, she went mad. I found the memory after a long search. I can understand why she did too. The death of her daughter…” His voice trailed off, as he shook his head, “It was bad.” He paused, “I could show you, if you like. But, I shall warn you now. It is _not_ pleasant.”

Octavian glanced away, then back again. Drawing on her bottom lip she slowly stated “I _think_ I would like to know. I found a book of their known history somewhere. But, what I read doesn’t even begin to match what you’ve shown me in just one sitting.”

Solas snorted in disgust, “It wouldn’t. The Dalish Clans have forgotten their history, what they have remembered and gotten correct has only been a fluke of nature and not in any way accurate.”

Slowly Octavian nodded. Then she leaned over and kissed him gently. “Thank-you for showing me, this.” Her eyes not leaving his face, Tavin once again laid back down.

Solas leaned over her, and touched her forehead again, before whispering “sleep.” Tavin’s eyes closed and her breathing deepened. Solas gazed down at the women sleeping on the blanket, before leaning over and kissing her lips. He whispered softly “I hope you don’t come to hate me.” Then laying down and joined her in sleep.

      _Octavian watched the sun appear in the sky high over head, as Solas stood beside her. She turned in a slow circle, taking in the huge trees circling to their left, bushes lined a small pond to her right. She could see a sandal, and a ribbon floating in the water. A small dress lay rumpled next to the waters edge. The sounds of a whimper reach Octavian’s ears. Goose-bumps appeared on her arms. Her alarmed eyes swung to Solas’s but he avoided her gaze. Instead looking to the forest. Octavian jumped in surprise as twelve_ Halla _, impossibly large galloped from the tree line. A giant black wolf raced beside the lead rider. As the rider pulled to a halt, the group of vallaslin_ - _free elves milled around behind her, before taking up places along the perimeter of the trees. The women jumped nimbly to the ground, knocking her hood back as she landed. Andruil’s red hair fell about her, as her gaze swung around the clearing. The wolf stood beside her, like a giant guard dog, before they both walked slowly to the bushes. Andruil’s hand curled briefly in the wolves’ ruff before she let go, and parted the bushes. An inhumane scream of rage ripped from her throat, as she fell to her knees. Causing more then one elf to jump, and to rein in their mounts. Tears ran like a waterfall down Andruil’s face. Carefully, she lifted the child, and froze as the girl whimpered in pain. “_ Fen _.”_ The desperation in the women’s voice caused an answer ache of sorrow to fill Octavian. Octavian watched as the wolf disappeared, and a cloaked man took its place _. Hands reached out and gently took the child from Andruil, holding the child in his arms, he concentrated on healing her._

_Andruil stood, a strange light flickering in her eyes. Abruptly she turned to the group of waiting elves. “Find him.” The command in her voice caused six of the elves to instantly ride off in all directions. Andruil turned back to watch her daughter and Fen’Harel, Andruil’s lips moving in a silent pray._

_The sun crept across the sky, just dipping below the horizon when Fen’Harel started shaking his head. Sobs of grief emanating from his throat. Screaming, Andruil dropped to the ground beside them. Fen’Harel allowed her to take the child, before drawing them both into his arms. The sounds of receding wolves howling their own Death Cries echoed eerily in the still air._

The scene dissolved around them, allowing another one taking its’ place.

_Lightening lit the air around them. Thunder vibrated the very ground beneath their feet. Temple walls formed from the mist. Doors slamming echoed in the sudden stillness._

The sound causedOctavian to whirl around. For a shocked moment she stared at them, trying to peer into the rain falling.

_The rains parted and lightening illuminated the women standing there. Eyes gazing around blankly._

Octavian gasped in shock as she looked at Andruil.The one from the earlier scene was as different from this one as night was to day.

_Andruil’s long red hair was partly shorn, while the rest was ruff and jagged. A half-healed scalp wounds could clearly be seen, indicating she had done it herself with a knife or something sharp. Her bare arms showed scratch and gouge marks, and her nails matched her arms. They were broken, chipped, and coated with her own blood. Some appeared to have been ripped right off. Her normal green eyes were tingled with the red of madness._

_Movement behind Andruil showed that someone had come in behind her. The doors closed with a wave of his hand. The lights flared to life, as he came up behind the women. Fen’Harel caught her as she stumbled. She would have fallen, but he swung her into his arms. The movement knocked back the hood of his cloak. His hair obscured his face as he kissed the top of Andruil’s head. Tenderly, he cradling her closer as his body absorbed her silent sobs. Fen’Harel shifted the women to a more comfortable position and burying his head against her shoulder. Slowly he moved down the hall, murmuring softly in Andruil’s ear._

Octavian moved to follow them, even walking a few steps before she looked back and realized Solas hadn’t moved. She returned to his side and looked up at his face. An unexpected feeling punching her in the stomach at the heartbreaking expression clearly on his face. She must have made some sound for his haunted blue eyes found hers. She reached up, intending to cup his cheek, but he flinched back as if where a branding iron instead of a soft, warm flesh. Withdrawing her hand, Tavin clasping them behind her back, “We can leave if you want?” she asked quietly.

Solas shuddered, and shook his head, muttering “I’m fine.” Determinedly he set off down the hall following the couple. They entered a chamber that was clearing a sitting room, passing through it to enter the dimly lit bedroom.

Only a few lights on the walls lit, and the flames in the fire places brightening the area before it. So dark was the gloom that it shrouded the room in darkness. Darkness so deep that the lights could not fully penetrate it. Octavian could see enough to understand the bedroom had been destroyed. Furniture was overturned. Paintings on the wall ripped to shreds, or used as target practice. Arrows sticking out from them. Some of them had been burned. A huge mirror that had stood in the corner of the room lay shattered. Shards of silvered glass littering the floor around it. Some, thrown with enough force that they were embedded into the stone wall. Pillows and cushions had been slashed. Feathers and stuffing littered the floor. The canopy of the bed was ripped and shredded. Octavian had seen less damage after looting. It was then, that Octavian realized that all the damage in the room had been caused by magic. A type of magic long gone.

_A soft hiccupping came from the bed. A low voice rumbled across the room, the words to low to make out._

_Andruil’s voice, raw with tears, broke the murmuring. “Why couldn’t you save her,_ Fen _?”_

_More murmuring floated in the air. It was followed by silence. The silence grew._ Octavian could feel herself tensing in response to the silence, a scene of foreboding filled her as the silence stretched on, and on. A moment later she regretted starring at the bed. A blinding flash of light exploded from the darkness. Octavian cried out in alarm. The light faded, and tears streamed down Octavian’s face as her vision cleared _. The only thing left standing in the room was the fireplace. What was left of the bed was_ _strewn around the room. Fen’Harel was on the other side of the room, shaking his head to clear it. He stilled instantly as he felt Andruil grip his hair, rage causing her to shake. He winced as his hair was viciously pulled but didn’t move._

_“This is your fault! You let her die!” Andruil’s voice harsh and tear-laden whipped out like the crack of a whip. Fen’Harel flinched and turned white as snow, while he tired to shake his head, but was held fast. “You promised_ Fen _, you said you would always be there for us!” Releasing the grip on his hair she violently shoved him away. Unable to stop himself Fen’Harel fell back, striking his head off the stone floor with enough force that you could hear the crack from the other side of the room._

_Visibly shaking Andruil crossed the room._

_Fen’Harel lay there for a long moment on the floor before slowly standing, “Andruil, I love you… if I could have saved her I_ would _have.”_

_Andruil starred at him. Disbelief warring on her face before she flew at him, beating helplessly against his chest. Tears streamed down her face, as she screamed her rage and denial at him._

_Fen’Harel tried gathering her close, but she shoved him away. Wildness entered her eyes as she grabbed an object at random and hurled it at his head. Her magic caused other items to start flying about the room. Fen’Harel stood in the midst of the maelstrom of her rage, not reacting, even when shards of the mirror sliced his face. Blood joined the flow of tears as they trickle down his face. There was nothing he could do but watch._

_The storm increasing in ferocity, as pictures ripped themselves off the wall, joining the wreckage spinning around the room. The two stood across from each other staring the grief clear on their faces._

_Finally Andruil’s magic ran out, along with her energy, but the rage battled on. Pieces slowly fell to the floor. Fen’Harel moved towards Andruil, but she held up a hand warding him off. Remorse flashed across her face before disappearing into rage. She turned her back on him. “Get out Fen’Harel.”_

_“And…” He broke off as she whirled, flinging a knife at him. Automatically his barrier sprung to life. The knife bounced harmlessly of it and landed on the floor with a hollow ‘_ wong’. _The sound echoing in the shocked silence._

_“GET OUT!” Andruil screamed with the last of her energy._

_Fen’Harel hung his head. Tears fell freely from his eyes as he obeyed._

The desperation haunting Fen’Harel’s face as he complied shook Tavin. When she heard Solas’s voice, thick with unshed tears, whisper “wake-up’ in her ear, she jumped in shock.

Octavian sat up in a rush, twisting around to look at Solas but found him gone. The place beside her cold to touch. Brushing the tears from her face, she looked around the clearing. It showed her what her heart already knew. Solas was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Molioris 9:32**

_Haunting music filled the air as thousands of elves came into view. An unseen choir joined the harmony of music. The sound of something she had_ never _heard before, music and voices blending in a way that made it seem as if the voices themselves were creating the music. It sent shivers of delight up and down her spine. Slowly, she turned and gazed around, looking for two beings she been fascinated by._

_Elgar’nan and Mythal stood on the top step in front of a bonfire, Fen’Harel beside them. In behind them Octavian saw Falon’Din, Dirthamen, and Sylaise. The blond elvin lady was standing next to a dwarf Tavin didn’t recognize. She almost took a closer look when the haunting music end after the last soprano’s note faded. Mythal paused a moment, before taking a single step forward, her voice carrying to the far reaches of the crowd._

_“We gather here today to remember one of our own. This night would have been Ghilan’nain’s two hundredth naming day.” Mythal bowed her head, black curls cascading down to partially obscure her face. The silence deepened before Mythal held out her hands to the bonfire build in front of her. The wood caught fire quickly. After a few minutes, the flames towered over the heads of those gathered. You could see in the flames the image of a little girl playing with the Halla. That scene changed to show her playing with a griffon. The crowd looked on in silence as the scenes kept changing showing the different animals she’d played with. As the fire burned down Elgar’nan took Mythal’s hand and together they gestured to the pillar of flames. Instantly, the flames died. The pile of wood that had once stood there burning merrily now showed a Halla statue._

_Screaming erupted from the crowd of people, as pillars of fire billowed up inside crowds. The screams came from those people caught inside the fire’s wrath. Mythal stood on her tips of he toes, one hand on Elgar’nan’s should for balance, as she watched the scene unfold like a nightmare. Releasing Elgar’nan, she dropped back down and raised her hands. Shouting a command she sending a blast of magic rippling out around her. The flames disappeared as if they had never existed. Nothing remained expect for the mangled moaning bodies._

_Andruil scream of rage echoed out across the garden, “STAY OUT OF THIS MYTHAL!” Andruil stormed through the crowd that parted for her. Fire and rage burned in her gaze, she pointed an accusing finger at Fen’Harel. “He doesn’t deserve this after letting her die. She was MY daughter. He obviously didn’t want her” She glared up at Fen’Harel on the step, hatred slashing across the ruin of her face. A face that once had been so beautiful, artist had clamored to paint, and sculpt it. Now it was marred with slashes, and gashes brought about by her own nails._

_Mythal and Elgar’nan looked between Andruil and Fen’Harel in shock, Mythal step forward. “That’s not true…”_

_Andruil screamed, throwing her arm out. A magical blast slammed into the three of them knocking them back a step. Elgar’nan’s face became a mask of rage to match Andruil, but Fen’Harel ignored him. Stepping in front of both them, he stood before Andruil his hands by his side, showing he meant no harm._

_He looked down at Andruil, seeing the madness in her eyes. Even though the half-healed wounds on her body were clearly visible, there was something wrong and it just wasn’t her madness. No it was something else. Something he could not explain but… felt? Then he noticed her veins. Surreptitiously, he glanced at his forearms. His veins had a_ blue _cast to them. Her veins were red. No, he mentally shook his head, they weren’t just red. The red was tingled with black. He blinked, and then knuckled his eyes, feigning the removal of tears. Lowering his hands he stared at her – at least her arms. Fen’Harel’s heart sank. He hadn’t been seeing things. The veins were still red, tinge in black. The area scratched as if she was trying to remove an itch that was permanent. He had no idea what kind of ‘illness’ would cause such a reaction. Was the madness so deep that it changed her blood, the way it had changed her eyes?_

_“Andruil, Ghilan'nain was my daughter as well, I would have given my right and left hand to have her live.” Sadly he shook his head, looking down at the once beautiful women, “Let me help, you.”_

Octavian watched the scene and felt tears burn, she tried to swallow, almost gagging on a sob as she glanced at Solas, who had moved across the room to stand beside Andruil. Her breath caught as she saw the expression of deepest sadness line his face. Her eyes flew to the Fen’Harel standing on the step above them. She looked back and forth between the two men, trying to convince herself she that was seeing what she wanted to see. Fen’Harel wasn’t as well built as Solas. He also still had hair. Fen’Harel didn’t seem as serious as Solas, he actually looked like he had laughed more. She started intensely at Solas, before swinging her gaze back to Fen’Harel. Octavian froze. They each had the exact same scar just above their right eyebrow. Glancing back at Solas, Tavin closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply. Her eyes snapped open at the smells that lingered in the air filled her nostrils. She remembered the other memories he had shown her. The very _first memory_ he had taken her to, hadn’t really been a memory. It had been as if Solas had taken her to a place that was a piece of history. A place of time and event. While it had been intense, it was nothing like the ones involving Fen’Harel and Andruil. Then it hit her. The realization rocked her. While the Fade could duplicate memories, the smells would only be the same, if the person had been _there_. When it happened. These were _true memories_ , not stories he had found. A sob catch in her throat as she watched Solas.

Solas’s expression was bleak and broken as he wander slowly back towards her.

Swallowing with difficultly, Octavian looked out over the scene once again feeling her heart pound with the horror, and shock that came with knowledge.

Fen’Harel stood beside her.

His face became a mask as he stood beside her, watching his memory play out. Silently, he cursed himself for showing this to her. Out of all the memories he had he, couldn’t understand why he showed, _this_ one to her. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and felt his breath catch. Slowly, Octavian turned her head, as she watched the _people_ with avid interest, on her face.

_Andruil laughed coldly, “You can’t help anymore! I’ve got what I need. I will have my revenge…” Hissing she gestured around her, “I thought of not showing up, but that would be no fun.”_

_Fen’Harel’s blue eyes narrowed, “You didn’t have to kill anyone.” His arm trembled slightly as he pointed down to the people on the ground. “This was a memorial for the daughter you claimed to have cherished.”_

_Andruil shrugged and laughed that bitter laugh again. A laugh that was tinged with insanity. “Their lives mean nothing, just like you mean nothing” She turned and walked away, nodding at something no one could see. Then arrows where raining down on the crowds._

            Octavian lay awake on the blanket for a long, long time, silent tears running down her face. Who or what she was crying for she didn’t know. The knowledge that the one man she loved was in fact an ancient elf, and hadn’t told her, was heartbreaking. Or at least it was until she thought it through. There was no way Solas could have told her and expected her to believe what he said. She gave him a watery smile as he leaned over her, his face filled with concern, a lingering touch of sadness in his blue eyes.

            “Are you alright?”

Octavian nodded and sat up brushing the tears from her cheeks, “What happened next?”

“One time, the ancient ones had no need of _lyrium_. They where that powerful. They _never_ needed that boost. They would use Foci, if they needed to do a complicated spell, as they would siphon off the extra energy from the object.” Solas looked past Octavian towards the trees just starting to bud, before returning his attention back to her. “After the murder of her child, Andruil hunted the one who had dared to commit such a veil deed. Once found, she did to him, what he had down to her daughter.” Solas closed his eyes briefly, before one again meeting her gaze. “What no one seemed to realize was that she had merge with two spirits. Rage and Vengeance. They helped her steal the knowledge to pass into the Abyss. No one even knew why she wanted that knowledge. While there she came across a corrupted for of _lyrium_. _Red Lyrium_. What she didn’t know, nor did anyone else at the time was… that it was…” He shook his head, unable to fine the correct word, and finally settled on, “It was bad. She had started to show signs early that something was wrong, but no one could say what. _Everyone_ just put it down to grief.”

Hearing the pain in his voice, Tavin closed her eyes. As she felt Solas’s hand running through her black hair, she relaxed. His voice slowly trailed off. Silence reined over the clearing, only the occasional bird singing in the trees as they lost themselves to their thoughts. The two lay side, by side. Just listening to the harmonious note that floated around them. The song brought a type of peace to their souls that had been missing for some time.


	12. Chapter 12

****

**Ferventis 9:32**

_Clinking_ and _clanking_ merged with the cawing of a raven’s laughter and echoed out into the woods. “Kilsil, that’s enough!” Solas chuckles at the sound of vexation that flavored Tavin’s tone. He quickened his pace as he strode down the path.

Entering the clearing, he found Octavian hands balled in to fists as she glared up at the raven in the tree, holding a bucket in his beak. Opening his beak he cackled with glee as it fell. Solas sniggered. Octavian dove to the side, as the bucket fell, hitting the pile of the other buckets with a loud _bang_. Glaring up at the raven, she rolled to her feet. Octavian whirled, and placing hands on her hips to frown at Solas, “It’s not funny.” The pout was audible in her tone.

Solas couldn’t help it. He laughed out loud. “What’s wrong?”

Ignoring him, Octavian stalked to the pile of buckets, black hair whirling behind her like an ebony cloak. “I’m trying to pick berries,” She shot the raven a withering look, “He is _NOT_ helping.” Growling under her breath, she bends over. The leaf green material of her dress pulled tight over her buttocks, showing its round fullness. Solas swallowed stiffly and averted his gaze.

Grabbing a bucket, she strode back to Solas, and shoved it at him, “Just for laughing, you can help.”

Grabbing her own bucket, she walked to the bushes and knelt down, totally ignoring him and the raven, who continued to pick up buckets and drop them, enjoying the racket they made.

Solas looked down at his bucket. Then at Octavian. He felt his face flush and a sweat break out on his skin. Trying to hide his unease and embarrassment, he knelt beside her, coveting watching what she did. She seemed intent on her work, looking at berries tossing some to the side. Most went into the bucket though. He reached for a berry, freezing as she said name, he glanced at her.

An unreadable expression crossed her face, before it quickly faded, “only the blue ones, make sure they are whole and don’t have…” She showed him a half eaten berry which she tossed to the side. Returning to her berries, she continued picking. She stole glance at the man beside her, covertly watching him frown as he carefully and slowly picked one berry at a time. Looking at each one carefully, before gently placing it in the bottom of the bucket. The look of sadness on his face, called out to her soul, causing her to swallow. She cast about in her mind for something to say. After several long moments of silence, Octavian hesitantly asked. “What happened to Andruil after that last scene you showed me?” She held her breath as he stiffens at the question.

Closing his eyes briefly Solas drew a deep breath, “Andruil continued to deteriorate at an alarming rate. Her descent into madness, sent shock waves out. Andruil acquired slaves, and marked them with the _Vallaslin_  she created. That was when others’ first started to realize something was truly wrong.” Drawing a deep breath, he released it slowly. The pain on his face showing that he was still bothered by the past. He ran his lips over dry lips before continuing. “The second indication was her need for hunting, it intensified, and soon animals where not enough. She started hunting those same slaves!” Solas glanced at Octavian trying to gauge her reaction.

Tavin on drew a sharp breath, whistling breath. Part of her wanted to demand that Solas stop. The pain in his face, and voice was more then she could bare. _However_ she kept quiet. She just had to know what happened.

Solas tossed the berry to the side that he’d smeared all over his hands, whipping on them on the grass before forcing himself to continue. Keeping his tone as neutral as possible. “When she brought back the _Red Lyrium_ , she had made present of it for her siblings and their father. Mythol did not get one, nor did Fen’Harel or June. I assume they did not receive any because Mythol had opposed Andruil to many time to count. Fen’Harel because she still blamed him, for the death of her daughter. June didn’t get one, but Sylaise did. June wasn’t as affected by it as the others were; he seemed to have a higher immunity. He also wasn’t around much as he had to deal with issues at his home, _Kal-Sharok._ ” Solas stopped as he saw Octavian’s frown. He gave her a soft smile. “I take it you are under the assumption that June was Elven?” Octavian gave a hesitate nod. It turned the soft smile into broad grin. “No, June is _Durgen’len_. Or if you prefer, dwarven. He meet Sylaise at a peace treaty, Mythal was hosting. June, decided he wanted to go to _Elvhenan_ , with Sylaise. It caused a few eyebrows to rise at first, but finally everyone came to accept it with good grace. Which is more then I can say for some of the other decisions that had been made.” Solas starred off into space before forcing his attention back to the berries he was supposed to be picking. “Anyway, the _Red Lyrium_ , caused small changes to the others’ personalities, but it quickly escalated to a point even Mythal could not ignore. When hordes of ‘things’ attacked Mythal’s land from Falon’Din, she went to investigate, and found out Falon’Din have become obsessed with wanting to be worshipped, if someone opposed him, or refused too. They where killed. Mythal convinced Elgar’nan, June, Sylaise, and Fen’Harel that something must be done. Dirthamen was not to be found. The five of them travelled to Falon’Din’s temple and meet horror upon horror on the way. The land was dying around his temple. ‘Things’ attacked them all along the way. They made their way through the temple and after a fierce battle they ‘convince’ him to surrender. With June’s help, Fen’Harel searched for the _Red Lyrium_ and found it. June took it to study to see if he could find a way to reverse the damage.” Abruptly Solas stood. He strode back and forth, hands waving. His deep harsh with emotion. “Can you comprehend centuries to an immortal? It never ended. There are countless wars that have been lost to time. Lost even to the _Fade_ as newer wars have been fight on the same grounds. If you try looking it would be almost impossible to differentiate which war is being fought. Most times the wars were petty and vindictive over some imagined slight.” Solas clenched his fist, and turned to face Octavian, unable to hide the hell in his eyes. “After Mythal’s murder, all-out-war happened. Nothing Fen’Harel tried slowed the tide of death, without Mythal to back him no one would listen. He did the only thing he could, he stole knowledge on how to create the veil, and separate the worlds.” He paused, as if gathering his thoughts. Swallowing thickly, it showed just how much hell he was still suffering. Solas forced himself to continue. “Having no choice, he forced them all (Elgar’nan, Andruil, Sylaise, Falon’Din, and Dirthamen into _uthenera_ , and locked them away.” His voice dropped so it was almost a whisper. “It was a desperate pitch to save the people. Fen’Harel left, leaving the others to themselves. He, himself, slept going to sleep for thousands of years” Solas let out a bitter laugh, “The fool, it was possibly the worst thing he could have done.” He shook his head in disgust. “He couldn’t have known what would happen. That power was reserved for Mythal only.” He stopped as Octavian frowned, then explained. “The power to see the future is a gift _only_ Mythal had. So there really was no way, Fen’Harel would know the consequences of his actions. Or rather _lack_ of actions. _She_ might have been able to give him direction if she’d survived, but with her gone…” He spread his hands expressively, “The nobles rose up anyway and fought amongst themselves. All in the name of their chosen ‘God’. Giving them titles and ideals, then worshiped them. Fen’Harel becomes known as “The Great Betrayer”, even though it was his belief he was trying to do the right thing.” Solas lapsed into silence. Closing his eyes, he listened the sounds of the forest around them, letting the singing of birds bring a calm to him and his soul.

Once he no longer felt bruised and beaten, Solas returned to his spot. They picked in silence, each lost to their own thoughts. The raven was currently eating the berries tossed to the side, scolding them when they didn’t provide him one fast enough. After filling six buckets, Octavian rose, automatically dusting off her hands. She moved to the bag Solas hadn’t noticed before, and she pulled out a blanket. Snapping it open, under a tree in the shade. Sitting, she pulled out a couple bottles of wine, a chunk of cheese, a loaf of bread, and some sliced meats wrapped in waxed cloth. “Come eat, Solas.”

With a sigh he sat across from Octavian. Solas accepted some food. Not saying anything he ate, mulling over the past. Octavian opened the bottle of wine, and felt a flush appear on her cheeks. He raised an eyebrow at her, causing her to laugh softly. “I forgot cups,” she whispered, embarrassment flooding her.

Shrugging Solas took the bottle, taking a long drink before passing it back, a silent dare on his face.

Wrinkling her nose at him, she did the same. They ate in silence before Tavin asked a little on the apprehensive side. “You mentioned before that Andruil had found the Red Lyrium, What exactly is it? What did it do?” Setting the bottle down, Tavin held Solas’s gaze. Her heart seemed to cramp at the haunted look burning his blue eyes.

Again, Solas sighed. As much as he hurt, he wanted her to know the full story.

“ _Red Lyrium_ was actually called _Era’Durgen_ or Dream Stone. Normal lyrium was called _Elgar’Durgen_ , or Spirit Stone. She found it. Only it was a huge massive piece that she brought back with her from the void. Like I said she had presents made. The red Lyrium would _sing_ , and whisper false promises.” He visually shuddered. “I found one memory were one of them tried get another to hear the singing.” He swallowed. “They inflected horrible tortures on the subject in question, trying to get them to ‘hear’. Other’s it brought out the need for violence and induced paranoia to an exceptionally high rate.”

Solas rolled his shoulder’s trying to ease the knot of tension in his back, “Did you notice the lines on Andruil’s arms, the red ones tinged in black?”

Octavian hesitated a moment before slowly answering. “Yes.”

“Apparently if abused as much as she abused it, it can physical started to change the body. That is what happened to her.” Closing his eyes at the memories, he grabbed the bottle and took a long drink. It almost caused him to choke as his throat closed off with unshed tears. They snapped open at her next question.

“You said that Fen’Harel slept for thousands of years? Did he awaken?” She silently cursed the wine for making her tongue talk independently of her brain. Firmly she held his gaze as they searched her face.

“I think he did. What he plans to do though remains to be seen…” Solas shifted uncomfortable, as he watched different emotions cross Octavian’s face. Desperate to stop to change the subject he asked a question of his own “Tell me about your life growing up. You seldom speak of it.” A flash of relief shot through him as he noticed the looking in her green eyes. She understood his desire to forget. Gratefully he listened to Octavian’s tale.

Absently, she watched her fingers turn a piece of bread into crumbs. “I don’t remember much of my early childhood. Only little things. I remember the first time I healed someone. I was about four I think.” She heard him hiss, and glanced at him, “Yes, I was very young. I remember the feeling of pride that I had done it. Mind you it was only a small thing. A splinter on my father’s finger. But, the blood on his hand scared me. I just reached out without thinking and drew my hand along his. Then showed him the sliver of wood nestled in my hand. He turned white, and picked me up, making me promise that I would keep it a secret. I did. I would have done anything for the man. He was my world.” She smiled slightly. “I can remember some nights I would be unable to sleep and would go curl on his lap in his study and he would hold me telling me impossible stories, feeding my thirst for knowledge…” She fell silent, and took a drink from the bottle. “I had a stool in his study; it was where I would sit as he worked on his papers. I can remember one incident where my mother came in and tried to get me to leave, saying I was bothering him. He looked at her and said, I could stay. Mom left quietly, but there was this look of sadness on her face.” Swallowing, she continued, “I don’t remember doing _Active Magic_ in front of my mother, I think I unconsciously knew it wouldn’t be a good idea. She was very devoted. I knew she loved me, but still. By the edicts of religion, the moment a mage manifest magic, they are supposed to be sent to the circle. I don’t know if they hid it together, or if she ever knew. I remember the day everyone found out though. We had gone to service that day like any other day. It was cold. Snow had fallen the night before.” Flicking a look through a fringe of black lashes, she explained. “It was unusual for Ostwick to have snow. Normally it was just a cold, miserable rain. I remember being excited because I wanted to go play. We where leaving the service when an Initiate slipped on the ice, and fell down the stairs. She broke her leg in three places, and slammed her head on the ground. My father tried to hold me back, but I slipped away. Dropping to me knees beside the women, I closed my eyes. It was like a song lit inside me, I don’t know how long I was in a trance. When I ‘awoke’ the Initiate, and the Grand Cleric, where staring at me in horror. I remember hearing my mother crying. My father picked me up holding me like he wouldn’t let go.” Tears rimmed Octavian’s eyes, blinking she brushed the tears off her face and took another drink, “His expression was broken, like his world was collapsing around him, and he was powerless to do anything, but watch in horror. Within a week, Templar’s showed up and took me away, I was six years old. I saw my parents a few time throughout the years, but as it came closer to my Harrowing, they where denied entry. They were told it would interfere with the process. I received word just after I became Senior Enchanter that my mother had passed.” Octavian swallowed thickly. The tears in her voice clearly heard. “I wasn’t given leave to go home, I was sent to the armies here in Fereldan to be a Healer for the Wardens.” She finished off the bottle, and opened the second before Solas moved and intercepted her. Claiming her hand, he pulled her close. Having those strong arms enfolding her, made Octavian feel warm and sheltered. It was something that was lacking in her life.

Holding Tavin against his chest, Solas quietly asked. “Have you gone home since?”

Tavin shook her head. Her black curls bounced with the movement. “No, I’m scared too. I’m classified as an Apostate now. I don’t know what my father would do. By the law, he has to turn me back over, so they can make me Tranquil. I prefer not to have my memories of him, and everything I’ve done destroyed. Fear of him doing so has kept me away. So I haven’t gone.” Lapsing into silence she allowed Solas to continue holding her, enjoying the feel of his arms around her. Gradually she felt her eyes grow heavy and then finally shut. She vaguely heard him whisper softly as if in a dream. “I won’t let you go, _emma lath._ ” Before sleep finally claimed her.

Solas / Fen’Harel looked down at the women in his arms. A feeling of warmth and love in his chest. He knew he had to make a decision soon. If he didn’t, she might figure it out before then. He was uncertain of how would react that happened.

***

 **emma lath**  ( _EHM-mah lath_ ): my love

 **Era’Durgen** : Dream Stone

 **Elgar’Durgen** : Spirit Stone

 **Kal-Sharok** is a [Thaig](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Thaig) and one of the remaining [dwarven](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Dwarf) kingdoms in [Thedas](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Thedas). The capital lies deep beneath the [Hunterhorn Mountains](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Hunterhorn_Mountains), between [Orlais](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Orlais) and the [Anderfels](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Anderfels).

 **Durgen’len**  ( _dur-JEN-len_ ): Children of [the stone](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/The_Stone). The original Elvish term for the [dwarves](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Dwarf).[[21]](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Elven_Language#cite_note-20)[[16]](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Elven_Language#cite_note-WOT-15)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be a few days before the next update. I'm super excited for the next DLC (I have to finish the game with the new character) - I really hope it answers the million question I have. I hope what I've written hasn't conflicted with what were are about to find out, but knowing my luck it will.
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****NSFW*****
> 
> Should also note, that this chapter turned out be extremely long, so I've cut it into five sections.

**Solis 9:32 (Part 1)**

Closing his eyes, Solas willed himself to sleep. Entering the fade easily, he searched for Octavian, knowing he had to stop doing this.

_Finding her, he was content to watch her sleep, but then she rolled onto her side and murmured his name. He felt his heart swell with a multitude of complex emotions. Cursing himself for a fool, he reached out touching her gently on the shoulder. A smile curved his lips as she awakened and roll over to look up at him, a smile automatically spreading across her face. “Solas…” Breathing his name, she reached up and cupped his face, drawing it down for a kiss. He felt her breath against his lips before she ran her tongue along the seam. Opening his mouth, Solas slide his tongue and touched hers causing her, to gasp. Unable to stop himself he stretched out beside her, running a hand down her side, and pulling her tighter against him. Octavian’s breath caught as his arousal pressed against her stomach. Moaning deep in her throat, she arched against him, her body felt as if it were on fire. Her bones seemed to melt away as his hand slid under her shirt, and cupped her breast. Octavian offered no resistance as she was gently pressed upon her back. The soft tic enfolding her, easily shifting with the movement._

_Laying partially on her, Solas watched the emotions chase each other across her face. The look of want caused his stomach to lurch. He knew he shouldn’t be here, but he just could not stay away anymore then he could stop himself now. The moans Tavin made as he gently teased her nipple with a calloused thumb only increased his need of her. To his shock and dismay, Octavian pushed the hand away and abruptly sat up. Before he could do anything but groan in disappointment, she stripped of the shirt she was sleeping in. The natural glow of the fade shone against her pale skin. For several breaths, he lay looking up at her, eyes glowing as he devoured her. Raising one hand, he ran it from her bare hip up over her flat stomach to embrace a single breast._

_Octavian moaned low in her throat. Eyes half-closed and mouth parted invitingly, she arched her back thrusting her breast fully into Solas’s hand. When he grasped it, she bonelessly slide back down to the mattress. Her fingers embracing his head as she steered it towards her. Again, Tavin moaned as his mouth hungrily sucked on her nipple. Sensation after sensation rocked her as his tongue whirled the peak, before releasing it and moving to the other. Her back arched as his hands gently gripped her bare hops and pulled her hard against him._

_Releasing her nipple, Solas moved his mouth down her stomach to tease her belly button the way he had her breasts. The soft moans and gasps she made drove his desire even higher. Slowly, he moved his mouth back up her body, leaving a moist trail of liquid desire behind. Octavian gasped as he lips claimed her, in a hard, demanding kiss. Her mouth opened under the gently pressure allowing his access to the sweetness inside. A flash of disappointment shot through Octavian as Solas unexpectedly drew back. Tears rimmed her eyes as he moved away. The rustle of clothing only enhanced her pain. It hurt even more that, even in her sleep he still rejected her._

_A cool breeze waft over her naked body as the covers were stripped away. For several long breaths, Solas stood gazing down at Octavian. In the cool light that was the Fade, her body looked like it had been carved of ice. He knew he should just walk away. Leave now before it was too late. He shook his head. It was took late. He could not leave now. Solas could only pray that as this was the Fade. A place of dreaming. That Octavian would believe this all to be a vivid dream._

_The tic gave way as he placed his knee on it. A frown creased his brow as Octavian continued looking away. Gently, he captured her chin and turned her to face him. His breath caught at the tears on her face. With trembling fingers, he gently brushed them away. “_ Ma Vhenan.” _He whispered his baritone voice even deeper, echoing around them. “Do you not wish this?”_

_Octavian swallowed and damn near chocked as the lump in her throat blocked the movement. “With all my heart.”_

_The quivering, tear threaded words tugged on Solas’s heart. Half-Sitting, half-kneeling he swept her into his arms. Lovingly he kissed each tear away. There salty tang only increased his need to comfort. Octavian’s breath caught as she lay across his lap, hands to his chest. His naked chest. It was then that Tavin realized that Solas was as naked as her self. If this was a dream, she didn’t want to wake-up ever!_

_His hand trembled slight from want, her skin was hot to touch and damp with a light sheen as he slid a hand down her stomach. Reaching the black curls, he cupped her gently causing her to throw her head back and arch her hip. His own desire leapt forward as she gripped his shoulders. Her lips trembled under his as she moaned and begged._

_“Please Solas…”_

_Solas smiled gently, running a finger along her the curved of her womanhood, before finding the opening. Carefully inserting one finger, he found her wet. The hot muscle contracted around his finger as he slide it in and out slowly. Octavian twisted beneath him moans and gasped emitting helplessly from her. She tried rotating her hips, but he pinned them in place. Removing his finger he slid it up into her curls. Searching for her clit. He smiled as she shivered when he found it. Solas groaned deep in his throat as he watched her face, bottom lip caught between her teeth. Her hands traced along his head before her nails grazed his ears, tracing a path along the tip. Shiver after shiver raced over Solas. He couldn’t believe just how many nerves were there, and it seemed as if Octavian found every single one. His breath caught as Tavin leaned forward and caught his ear with her teeth, tugging it into her mouth, before rolling the lobe with her tongue. He had wanted to take things slowly, but it was impossible, her yearnings drove him to deeper depths, arousing him further than he had felt in years._

_“Ma emma lath, ma emma vhenan’ara.” He whispered with reverence_ , _before claiming her lips, without waiting to see if she understood. Greedily he drank from her lips greedily, pulling her hard against him. Rubbing his shaft between her legs caused both of them to moan. Gently, he laid her down, and settled between her thighs. Gazing at down at her for a long moment, he gently ran a finger along her cheek, before thrusting his hips forward. She gasped and arched against him, as he slid in. Clamping her legs around his waist she reveled in the sensation of being filled._

_He closed his eyes as he entered, biting his cheek to keep from exploding right there. It had been so long since he had made love, that it was hard to hold back and make sure of her fulfillment before allowing his own. Leaning on his elbows, he watched her face as he slowly withdrew. Holding still momentarily, before sliding back in. Groaning and thrashing her head, Octavian moved her hips in concert to his. Her arms around his neck, she clamped her lips to his, her mouth opening automatically, as Solas plundered her mouth as his speed increased. He could feel her muscle contract around him, pulling him in deeper. With a cry, he desperately pulled his mouth free. Bending down, he racked his teeth gently along the side of her neck, shivers racing over skin, causing her to moan, as desire old than time rushed upon her. Octavian’s thrusts became harder, and more frequent. A cry broke form her as she shuttered around him. Solas bite his lip, as he continued moving drawing out her climax before he too exploded with a guttural shout._

_Tavin wrapped her arms around him, feeling him release deep inside her, heart bursting with the love she felt for him. She didn’t care what he called himself, Solas or Fen’Harel, she loved them both. So enraptured by the moment pinpricks of tears threaten. Holding Solas to her, Tavin stroked his back, enjoying his weight on top of her as she drift back to sleep._

_Solas lifted his head as she relax, looking down, he saw her eyes closed in sleep. As carefully as he could he slipped from her, and rolled to his feet. Love filled him as he looked down at her. His heart constricted as he saw the trail of tears on her face. It was like a giant fist slammed against his gut, his first instinct was that he had hurt her. Then guilt settled up him like a heavy cloak. He new that, tomorrow, he had to tell her the truth. Who he was, who he had been. She deserved that much. Dressing quickly, he leaned over her and kissed her forehead, whispering. “Wake-up, Lath.”_

Solas walked through his temple before leaving that morning, frustration and guilt warring in him, especially after last night, even though she might think it only a dream, he was afraid that she would figure it out. It had been ‘no’ dream. Solas knew that he should be thinking about gaining the power to open the orb, and fixing his mistakes. However, his entire thoughts, as well as most of his days where filled with Octavian. She was like a drug to him. The more he saw and learned the more he wanted her. She seemed to accept him for himself, and it half terrified - half elated him. He smiled gently as he thought of her. A smile that turned to a grimaced when he realized that if he continued, and actually got the orb to work, he’d loose her. None of the other’s would accept a human as a mate. He ran his hand along his head, and growled a curse.

Turning, he ducked down another corridor, and paused at a non-descript wall, slapping a hand against the wall he sent the surge of his magic in and stepped into the door that appeared. Nestled in the room was a small alter and his orb. It glowed a faint green in the darkness. He gazed at the orb for a long time, before making a decision. He loved Octavian, he knew he did. He had waited over 6000 year to find someone like her; he would love her forever, even after she died. For now he would put his plans on hold and spend the time with Octavian and selfishly take the time he had with her before continuing with what he had to do. Covering the orb with the silk scarf lying on the floor Solas turned, heading for the door. Pausing he looked back and felt a kind of peace settle over him. Smiling, he stepped out of the room allowing the door to slide shut behind him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Solis 9:32 (Part 2)**

Solas felt nervous as he led a blindfolded Octavian through the woods by the hand. He knew that he had to do this if he wanted to be with her, but at the same time, he was petrified of all the _what if’s_ flowing through his mind.

Reaching the cave entrance he bade Tavin to wait. While he touched the barrier causing it to disappear, he felt the ripple of magic move through the air.

Lighting his way with magic, he took Tavin’s hand again pulling her forward, cautioning her to watch her head. Following a twisted path they descended deeper under ground. Reaching the room he wanted, he stopped, and untied the scarf covering her green eyes. As she blinked her eyes to adjust to the light difference, he drank his fill of her, imprinting her image on her mind if this went badly.

Her wide green eyes meet his own blue ones, and she saw the sadness he tried hiding, “What’s the matter?

Solas shrugged and averted his eyes, “Nothing, _ma vhenan_.” He turned and gestured to the giant mirror on the other side of the room. Her eyes went wide, as she slowly walked towards it.

“It’s an _Eluvian_.” At her puzzled gaze, he chuckled “They are a gate way. At one time during the _Elvhenan_ era, they didn’t use roads. This was how they traveled.” He gestured to the mirror. “Just after the disappearing of the ‘Gods’, it was found out that they had become infected with what is now called the Blight.” He walked towards it, and pointed at the etchings on the side, “As you can see these etchings are blue, I have determined that the blue is a sign of a healthy _Eluvian_. The red or worse black are not.”

“What happens if you use an infected one?” Tavin wanted to bite her tongue when Solas when white, and visibly shivered.

“The lucky ones where sucked in, a flash of green light following their wake, never to be seen from again. The unlucky…” He swallowed uncomfortably before continuing. “Their skin was stripped from their body and they were days in dying. They couldn’t even be ‘helped’ to pass.” He touched her arm, bringing her eyes back to his face, “The likely hood of finding a working or even nonworking _Eluvian_ is very small. Even if you did find one, then you would need the specific key that opened that mirror. Each one has its own key.”

They lapsed into silence, studying the mirror before Solas moved forward and activated it. A flash of white, then blue filled the air as the mirror lost its reflection, rippling and moved like it was alive. Nervous and a bit apprehensive Octavian brushed back her hair and walked closer to the mirror, tentatively reaching out a hand to touch it. The magic reached out and tickled her hand as the face of the mirror ripple like stones on water. Lifting an awe filled face to Solas, Tavin grasped the hand he offered, entwining his fingers in her. She flashed him a small smile. He tried offering one back, while biting his tongue as he didn’t want the thought “Don’t hate me later” escape. Together they stepped up into the mirror and Tavin gripped Solas’s hand as she felt the mirror grab hold. It was then followed by the sensation of falling before stepping out the other side.

Momentarily disoriented, Octavian shook her head, and then felt solid ground beneath her feet. Letting go of Solas’s hand, she looked around in avid interest. At first all she could see was a graying mist, it swirl and moved through the air, curling around her body before drifting aimlessly along. She saw grass under the ‘feet’ of the closer mirrors, and noticed the weird trees lining what appeared to be a cobble stone path, leading to different mirrors. As she walked forward, Solas following quietly behind. She saw that most of the _Eluvian_ appeared to be broken in some way, some were just shells with the shards of the mirrors missing. Some looked like they had been hit with fists and broken, some had cracks running from corner to corner.

“It’s easy to become lost in here, isn’t it?” Tavin turned and looked at Solas as her voice echoed out and around her.

He chuckled, “You’d think so, but no it’s not. There is a pattern, I promise. One I might show you, but for now I wish to show you something else, if I may?” Once again, he offered his hand, smiling she took it. Allowing him to lead her along a path only known to him. As they walked her frown grew more pronounced until he had to ask, “What’s the wrong?”

Octavian glanced around, “There is no sound, and no smell. Why? It couldn’t always be like that, there are trees here.” She pointed at a tree as if he couldn’t see it, and he smiled thinly.

“I see the tree, lath.” He shrugged uneasily, “The ‘reality’ is different here, time flows but slowly.” He paused, glancing around before meeting her eyes. “If it where possible to spend one year here, time on the outside would only gain a few minutes. It is has similar aspects to the fade, but it is not the fade either.” He looked at her, and grimaced at her bewildered expression. “I honestly don’t know how to explain it, and it’s not because you wouldn’t understand, it’s because I’m not sure I understand how it works.” He chuckled at the irony of that in his head. “Let me think about it, and see if I can find a better way to describe it, fair?” He looked at her and she nodded.

            “What is this place called?” Shivering as her voice echoed back at her, she looked up at Solas.

“Era’Banalhan.” The flatness in his voice caused Tavin’s eyes to widen, but say nothing as Solas continued walking lost in his own thoughts.

Octavian continued to look around, noticing for the first time that some of the _Eluvian_ had shapes engraved onto the tops of the mirrors, or statues standing beside them. Some of the statues she didn’t recognize, but knew they where works of art. She had been impressed by the statues the one time she had been Val Royeaux, these statues eclipsed that. There where no other words for it, the statues where phenomenal. Solas stopped at one of the mirror and concentrated on activating it, while Octavian looked at it, noting the clear blue light in the etches and then glancing at the top and seeing the cravings of a wolf’s head thrown back as if howling. He stepped back and smiled at her. Suddenly shy and nervous again, Tavin lowered her eyes. At the nod he gave her she stepped across.

 

*******

**Era’Banalhan: Dream of Nothing (my name for the Crossroads)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Solis 9:32 (Part 3)**

They stumbled out of the Eluvian, their feet buried in the lush green grass. Octavian turned looking around the area, awed by the massive trees in what appeared to be a garden. Flowers and vines had long taken over. Stone benches could be seen underneath the foliage, and a large fountain appeared to be in the center. High walls circling along the back behind the mirror. An arch way stood across from the mirror that deactivated as they move away from it. Solas noted her looking around, and felt a moment of sorrow for what it had once looked like, before shutting it down. He strode forward leading the way to the arch, slowing when she called his name. Octavian caught up to him and laced her fingers into his and smiled up at him. He tried smiling back, feeling it come out more as a grimace before leading her onward. Side by side they walked down the hallway, avoiding debris that had cluttered it in the centuries since it had been abandoned. Octavian could feel the tension radiating from Solas, and felt a loss of how to help. So she looked at the walls and tried seeing the painted murals behind the flowers and vines covering them. They passed a few doors that lay on their sides in their archways. She noticed the clutter of broken furniture in the rooms. One even had statues set around the room at intervals, but it was bare of any other furnishing. He turned down a short side hallway that opened into a circler room. This one appeared to be another garden. There was a white path of crushed stone that lay on the floor. Stones that had grass growing in-between and around them, vines covered the walls, and entwined with the benches that were laid around the perimeter. A small alter stood set opposite the door. Releasing Solas’s hand, Tavin moved into the room, looking around. She could see the glimmer of color on the walls behind the vines, but wasn’t able to see what was being depicted. Walking up to the alter, she looked down at it, noticing the cravings etched into the stone. They were half hidden by the dirt of time. She turned and looked at Solas standing by the door stiffly, “It’s a beautiful temple, Solas.”

He snorted, “It used to be better.” Sarcasm rolled off his tongue as he looked around, letting the memories of another time fill his vision. He jumped as Octavian touched his cheek. He hadn’t even heard her move. “At one time, this is where Fen’Harel would bring slaves he had ‘stolen’, taking away their _vallaslin_. Helping them adjust to a life of ‘freedom’.” He moved away from her, turned back and laughed bitterly, “Freedom to die, sure. They fought for him, and he used them. Sending them to their deaths just the same.” Solas ran a hand across his head, and then glared at his hand. Forgetting he had no hair to run it through.

Octavian stood where he had left her, her heart aching as she saw the shame on his face, “Did Fen’Harel keep slaves?”

Turning he pinned Octavian with a look. “Fen’Harel may not have had ‘followers’ as you understand the term but he did have people who would fight for him. He didn’t demand servitude. They served him freely.” Closing his eyes, he turned unable to look at her as the guilt of his past ate him.

“Then why the guilt if _‘you’_ kept no slaves, you said they served you freely. Surely they where aware of the risks.” She walked towards him slowly as she spoke, reaching him she wrapped her arms around him. Leaning against his back, she could feel him shaking trying to rein in his emotions.

When he spoke his voice was thick with emotion that still had the power to overwhelm him. “What about the ones who had no choice?” His eyes snapped open as her words finally penetrated the fog of his guilt in her mind. His breath quicken as she sighed.

“You mean the ones who had no choice, but to serve,” She shrugged against his back, “Sometimes, fear is a great motivator. Everyone has a choice, slave or not. I imagine some slaves served out of fear, or vague promise, or over the life of a loved one. Some served because they wanted to. Isn’t that what the centennials did? Serve willing. They where slaves, no matter what else they said, they served for the prestige of serving a ‘God’. You can carry the guilt of all who died, but from what you’ve shown me. Wars where a necessity in your society. The slaves, who died, died doing so because they chose. Some chose right, some chose wrong. It’s what they do when presented with that choice that determines their fate.” She finished speaking as he moved away, and looked back at her as if he’d never seen her before in his life, he fell to his knees and started to shake.

“How long…” Solas choked off, swallowing the lump in his throat, Solas closed his eyes. Opening them again when he heard her move, “How long have you known?” He whispered, looking up into her eyes.

She continued walking towards him and knelt down in front of him. Taking his face in her hands, she forced him to continue looking at her, “How long have I known what?”

Shuddering he shook his head, unable to ask his question again. He could hear his heart slam against his chest as she smiled warmly at him.

“I’ve known for months, Fen’Harel.” She rubbed her finger across his lip, “When you started showing me memories in the fade, I noticed there was an odd smell, almost a fake smell. When you showed me ones from further back, it baffled me. Until I came to realize the fade can only imitate the memories. For the sounds and smells to exist fully, you would have had to been there to experiences it.” She paused and looked into his wide blue eyes, “When you showed me the memories of Andruil, I could see the heartache on your face. I also noticed the similarities between the two of you. Fen’Harel might have had all his hair then, my love. But you haven’t changed that much.”

Solas, also once known as Fen’Harel, took a deep breath, “Then why didn’t you run, you surely knew all the stories the Dalish have come up with about me?” Disbelief colored his tone.

Octavian smiled again, “When I realized you are also Fen’Harel, I was already completely in love with you. I fell in love with you the day I mastered the wolf form.”

Fen’Harel frowned, “What? Why?”

Octavian laughed, “That was the day I realized, even though you had said _you_ couldn’t continue the relationship, you never stopped coming around. You where there everyday.”

He felt himself flush, but still said “I don’t understand”

Octavian frowned at him, “Fen, I knew the wolf was you. Not only did you not run when you walked across the clearing as I ran to you, you didn’t even seem surprised. Also, love, wolves don’t smell of spice. Earth yes, spice no.”

He blinked as he looked at her. Slowly, his hand rose to cup her face allowing her to lean into his hands, “You are amazing.” Leaning forward he gently brushed his lips over hers, “I was terrified you would leave if you ever found out.” He blinked back the tears that suddenly gathered, showing that although he was one of the ‘Great Elders’, he still could show emotions. “I never imagined you would figure it out on your own, and then say nothing.”

Shrugging she leaned towards him, “I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me. I felt that your secret didn’t make a difference in how I felt.” Octavian paused that added firmly. “I love you.”

She gasped as he crushed her to him as stood pulling her up. Looking down into her face he felt a smile appear on his face and in his eyes, “Ma’arlath.” He leaned down and captured her lips relevantly, lifting his head, he trailed kisses over her face, whispering loving words in a combination of Elvish and Trade, before resting his forehead against her own, “I love you too”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little treat while we all wait in anticipation for Trespasser!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Real life has been a hassle.
> 
> ALSO - NSFW

**Solis 9:32 (Part 4)**

Fen’Harel stepped back and felt peace settle over him as he looked down at Octavian. Her black hair swirling around her, and her vivid green eyes met his squarely. His heart swelled at the glow of love that shone in her eyes. Reaching out a hand, Solas smiled broadly as she caught it without question. Trustingly, Octavian followed him through the temple. In a short time, they reached a small room, and ushering her inside. Curious, Tavin looked around. There where blankets and furs piled in a corner, papers strewn on the table and around the floor. Small supplies of food where on the shelve next to the fire place. Releasing Fen’Harel’s hand. Octavian walked over to the table. Uncertain, she looked back at Solas. The smile he gave her made her breath catch.

Fen’Harel walked across the room, and stood on the opposite side of the table. Picking up a paper he passed it to her.

Octavian stared in shock as she gazed at the papers, looking at her face set on them. She swung him a quick glanced at him. “Did you do these?”

He nodded and confessed huskily, “I’ve been in love with you for along time Tavin. I just couldn’t admit it to myself. You’ve caught and held my attention since the first day you told me you where translating the novel. Your spirit and soul is the brightest I have ever met and it called to me, not allowing me to walk away.”

A joyous laugh burbled in Octavian’s throat as she moved around the table. Approaching Solas, she deliberately moved her hip seductively and sensuously.

Solas was not immune to the actions. The lump in his throat almost choked him as he swallowed thickly. His hand clenched into fists as Octavian finally reached him. A shock, much like a lightening bolt but no were near as deadly, shot through him as her finger tips touched his chest. Sensations after sensation rocked, Solas as the nerves on his chest danced. He hadn’t realized just how many nerves where there. And, she found every one of them as her nails gently racked down his stomach.

Standing on the tips of her toes, Octavian ran her hand up Solas’s chest, smiling as he visibly shuddered. Encircling his neck she drew his head down, pressing her lips against his. She gasped as he crushed her to him. And turned the kiss into something more passionate. Octavian’s joy knew no bounds as he hoarsely whispered against her lips. “I want you.” His breath puffed warmly over her face with each word. “I want you here, I want you know. I need this to be real, and not just a dream.” He pressed hot kisses against the side of her neck, over her cheeks, then gently teasing her lips. Tantalizing her as his lips just brushed her and moved away before she could even respond. A grin flashed across his face as Tavin groan in disappointment and rising passion. His lips trailed over her face leaving hot liquid desire in their wake. His eyes closed with rising passion as he continued trailing his open mouth along her jaw bone then down her neck and along her collar bone.

“I want you too…” Octavian gasped around the moans that rumbled in her throat. Desperately she clutched at his head, trying to bring his lips back to hers. Her stomach lurched has he complied, crushing his lips against hers passionately.

With a growl, he wrenched his head away. He wanted to taste more then just her mouth. Tenderly, Solas kissed each part of her body as each article of clothing was removed.

Embracing her naked shoulders, Solas moved back and drank in the sight of her, the light from the fire turned her skin a reddish-gold. Pure happiness and love burned like flames in his eyes. No one he had every known could hold a candle to Octavian’s natural beauty. He made no objections as her trembling hand unclasped his belt. It was what he wanted her to do. A shiver rand over him as Tavin slid her hands under his shirt. Her eyes were full of uncertainty as she gazed up at him. He smiled kindly, and pulled his shirt off, tossing it aside, not caring if it made the room messy.

Enfolding Octavian in his arms, he once again kissed her. The feel of her bare body in his arms was more of a delight then when he held her in ‘The Dream.’ For this was real. Raising his head, Solas smiled down at Octavian, drinking in the love that shone on her face. He chuckled as she eagerly helped to remove the rest of his clothing. Solas stood by the fireplace, allowing Octavian the pleasure of taking in his state of undress.

For several moments, they stood looking at each other before reaching out and embracing.

Octavian moaned with rising desire as she felt his passion press into her stomach. A squeal of surprise slide from her as Solas picked her up and gently placed her upon the pile of furs that served as his bed. Laying beside Octavian, Solas claimed her lips with an urgency that thrilled her, and one she matched. While kissing her passionately, he gently feathered his hand down her back as she moved against him, rubbing her breast against his chest. Tenderly, he pressed her flat and settled between her tights. His shaft jumped as it brushed against her skin. Leaning on his elbows, he looked her in the eye. “I can’t wait.” He panted harshly.

Reaching up, Octavian caught his neck in her small hands and wrapped her legs around his waist. “Neither can I.” With a thrust of her hips, she swallowed him. A gasp of pleasure slid from her as he drove in even deeper.

Solas shook and fought for control as her warmth enveloped him. He put his head next to her neck, desperate to claim some small bit of sanity. It shattered as he felt her nails rake his back and her teeth latch onto his shoulder. Their harsh breathing filled the small room as they rocked together. Wanting to see the desire in her eyes, Solas drew back with a hiss of steely determination. He could feel her contract around him. Before he prematurely exploded, he withdrew from her, desperate to slow things down, but immediately thrust back in. Her cry of surprise mingled with a bit of pain, almost drove him wild. Unable to stop himself, he increased the thrust of his hips in time with hers. The whimpers of need arising from Octavian washed over him, nearly driving Solas mindless. She whimpered under him and with a cry her back arched as she found her released. With a hoarse cry, Solas shuddered and followed her over the edge, shouting her name.

Solas shifted and withdrew. Laying beside her, he pulled a blanket over the two of them. Then shifted to hold her, her back was back was warm and slightly moist, but was defiantly not a distraction. Sliding his arm around her waist he pulled her even closer. Octavian rolled over, and gazed lovely into his face. A sigh of relief slide from her at the look of peace that was on his face and not one of guilt. Her breath caught at the smile he gave her.

Leaning down Solas kissed her. “I love you, Octavian. I refuse to feel guilt about that any longer. However other emotions may take a while long to deal with. But I regret nothing!”

Octavian smiled back. “I love you too, and I don’t care what you call yourself. Solas or Fen’Harel. It doesn’t matter. Both are one and the same, and I love both.” Tilting her head with a gently finger under her chin, he gave her long and lingering kiss. A kiss meant to show his love and not an act of arousal.

“Sleep _lath_ , I’m not going anywhere.” Tugging her closer, Solas relaxed as sleep claimed them both.


	17. Chapter 17

**Solis 9:32 (Part 5)**

Tavin sat in the middle of the furs on the floor, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, a plate of food in hand, as she gazed across the room at the naked elf pouring them wine.

“What happened to your hair?”

Solas turned to look at her, confusion and shock written across his brow. “That’s what you have to ask?” He shook his head, a smile hovering over his lips. “My hair…?”

A red blush burned across Octavian’s cheeks, as she nodded her head.

Chuckling he walked back to her, handing the cups to her, as he crawled onto the furs before accepting the cup back. For several long moments, he watched the firelight reflect off her hair turning the ebony strands into flickers of red. Casually, he sipped his wine before answering. The pause was so long that Tavin was afraid that she had upset Solas, and wasn’t going to answer. She opened her mouth to apologize when he finally spoke. “After I woke from my sleep, I found the world was not like I expected. Elves had been nearly wiped out. They were either living in _City Alienages_ , or as the _Dalish._ I also found out that they had lost much of their history when _Arlathan_ fell. I attempted to live amongst the Dalish, but they feared and shunned me. For a long time, I roamed alone before I heard whispers of Andraste. It was an extremely emotional reunion for me when I found out she was merged with Mythal. I pledged my support to her. I became Shartan, and with Andraste helped we created a background that people would readily believe.” Sipping his wine he gazed at the fire. “After she was betrayed, I attempted to get her free, but it was a vainful wish. Tevinter wanted blood, and I was unable to get close. I attended the burning in hopes of freeing her. Originally I went to appear at her trail to help her all I could. Trial.” He spat the word vehemently. “There was NO trail. Twas not but a witch hunt and she had been condemned on the spot and roasted alive! Afterwards I wanted no further part of it, and I fled. I couldn’t stand the pain of loosing yet again.” He paused, tipping the cup back and taking a long swallow before sighing heavily. “I retreated back here, and magically removed my hair. I slept again, not as long or as deeply. I’m not even sure when I awoke again. For an undetermined time, I just drifted. Visiting new places, and acquiring more memories and history. I was trying to figure out where it went wrong.” He gave an almost bitter laugh, choking it off as Tavin reached out and gently cupped his face.

“Solas, why exactly did you lock them away? What was the tipping point?” She held his gaze, compassion in her eyes.

Gently pulling away, he ran a hand across his head once again half startle and half annoyed. There was nothing to comb back, but the gesture was so ingrained, he was unable to correct it. “Mythal’s murder” As her eyes widen, he continued. “Dirthamen killed her in retaliation of the attack on Falon’Din.” He winced as she gasped, lowering his gaze he forced himself to finish, “It broke Elgar’nan a little, when he found out. Mythal had been the only one able to calm his rages. In retaliation the sun blazed for many long years. Burning everything upon the ground. People where dying. Lands where changing all over the world. Mountain’s that had existed, no longer did and where there had been no mountains suddenly held them. Even the deepest of lakes dried up. Andruil set upon the masses left, and wreaked even more havoc.” He raised haunted eyes. “I decided I couldn’t watch them destroy the world any longer. My efforts for freeing slaves as part of my rebellion dwindled until only a few remained. I stole knowledge from the Abyss and from Elgar’nan and created the veil. I tricked the others into a meeting, then overpowered them, one at a time, expect for June for he was not around at the time. Then I forced them into _Uthenera_ , and locked them away on the other side of the veil.” Finishing his drink he rose and moved fluidly across the room. Grabbing the bottle, he brought it back with the same sensuous moved that only an elf could do. Reclining on his side, propped up by an elbow, he gave a bit of a toast. “I didn’t anticipate the consequences. Locking them away also locked all forms of spirits on the other side.” Placing the glass down, he moved around, and placed his head in her lap, and smiled up at her. “You are so beautiful…”

The reverence in his tone caused Octavian to blush. Bending down, she claimed his lips in silent acknowledgement of the compliment. Before it could lead to pleasant things Tavin straighten and forced herself to ask. “What are you planning to do…?”The words froze on her tongue at the frown that formed on his brow. Swallowing, she continued in a rush, “Don’t you want it to go back to the way it was?” Holding her breath she waited, watching the emotions play across his face.

Rising to his feet Solas held his hand out to her. “Come” The blanket pooled at her feet as she rose to her feet. Firelight flickering over her skin, revealing that she was no more clothed then he was. Passing her a robe, Solas lead her out of the room, while belting his own. He led her down the hall to a blank section of wall. Placing his hand on it, he closed his eyes and gathered his energies about him.

Octavian felt the surge of magic, and something else respond sluggishly on the other side of the wall. She swallowed her surprise as the wall slid to one side and the torches of _veil-fire_ on the walls sprung to life. Curious, but cautious, Octavian looked around the barren room. There was an alter set against the far wall. For some reason a shiver rippled over her as she looked at the silk covered object upon the alter. Solas strolled towards the alter, offering her a reassuring smile. Tavin almost called out for him to stop, the feeling of apprehension turning to fear, but the words caught in her throat as he whipped the silk covering off.

Time lost all meaning as Octavian stared, transfixed at the object, glowing a faint green. As if in a trance, she stumbled towards it. His voice was so far away not understanding the words. Reaching out, she gently ran a finger along the circular orb, the green light intensified, then flashed brightly. Images after image flashed through her not allowing her to understand one before another took over. They jumbled together in a cascading swirl of emotions. Nothing made sense, frozen she was lost in a tide she didn’t understand. She could feel laughter well up inside her, as tears tried forcing them past the lump in her throat. Panic over road everything else. She couldn’t break free. Mercifully, everything went black.

Sound slowly penetrated the darkness surrounding Octavian, she fought against it not wanting to leave. Confusion swirled inside her. Something hard connected with her cheek. Her lashes snapped open. Blinking dully she look up at Solas’s concerned face.

“Are you alright?” There was a hint of fear that could not be masked under the words.

Unable to speak, Octavian slowly nodded. Left over images swirled confusingly inside her mind. Tenderly, Solas ran a hand across her cheek withdrawing the sting from the slap.

For several long breaths, Octavian gazed into startling blue eyes, fear and guild glittered in their depths. Why those emotions were there, she did not know or understand. Slowly, she became aware that she was being cradle by strong yet, gentle arms, and that the majority of her body lay across a thigh. His thighs. A name floated through her mind along with imaged of her and this elf, but nothing seemed to make sense. Confused and a bit frightened, Octavian closed her eyes and shook her head trying to shake some sense into it. Slowly, the words of endearment seeped into her, along with a name. Solas. Then memories returned. She was with Solas in an old, half-ruined temple. They had made love. Tavin flushed at the images that accompanied that memory. After he had told her why he had locked the ‘gods’ away, then had shown her a room. Then… Then… Tavin shook her head against. Her ebony locks flowing with the movement, couldn’t remember anything else but awakening in his arms.

Openings her eyes again, Octavian realized they were still in the same small room. Struggling, she tried to stand, but could not. Her body trembled with the effort, but was too weak to do anything else.

Solas lips thinned. Rising, he helped Tavin to her feet. She took a trembling step and fell heavily against him. With a muttered curse Solas, swept Octavian into his arms, he had been struck dumb with shock over the Foci’s impact before. He knew what it was like, he just didn’t understand how she had affected it.

Octavian stared at the Foci resting on the alter, noticing immediately that the green light imitating for it was fainter then earlier. “What…” She broke off swallowing at the pain in her throat, and tried again. “What happened?” She looked in to Solas’s unreadable eyes.

Solas glanced away, and looked at the orb before licking his lips. “I’m not sure. I was going to ask you the same thing? Do you remember nothing?”

Slowly Tavin shook her head, and looked at the orb, before turning her green eyes – green eyes that reflected the same intensity as the orb on the alter - back to his. “Only overwhelming emotion. All of them intense, all different and all at the same time.” She swallowed and touched a hand to her throat as the pain intensified. A sigh of relief slid from her as she felt his healing touch along her throat. “Thank-you.” She whispered gratefully.

Offering her a warm smile, Solas carried her from the room, returning to the pile of furs beside the fireplace. Gently placing her on them, he settling beside her, and just cradled her in his arms needing to hold her as much as she need to be held.. “I’m not sure exactly what happened. When we entered the room, I didn’t even notice anything was wrong. It wasn’t until you touched the Foci that I felt a surge from it like I haven’t in many a long years. You stood locked frozen like a statue, before you screamed and collapsed.” He shivered over the memory. He could still hear the scream like a knife in his heart. “I’m not ashamed to admit it scared me, I couldn’t break you free. It was like you where frozen to the orb. I thought I was going to loose you and when you collapsed my heart faltered. Only once you were in my arms did I realize that you were still alive” He nestled his head against hers, kissing the top of her head. “When you finally passed out, the orb flared once more and reached towards you before settling back to the way it’s been for the last 4000 years. Which was? Nothing.” The flatness of his voice betrayed how much this had affected him. He thought he hurt when Andruil had left, and he had, but not like this. When Octavian collapsed it felt like the world around him had crumpled. He tired pulling her closer, but she placed her and on his chest.

“Solas…?” Her voice trailed off as if unsure what she was asking or wanting to know.

Smiling, he shook his head and spoke straight from the heart. “It’s alright _Ma Vhenan_. I had already decided that my time with you is far more important then trying to fix my past mistakes. If I ever do…” His smiled widen as he gazed into her eyes, “It doesn’t seem as important as it once did.” Leaning down, he claimed her lips, before succeeding in pulling her closer. His lips slid along her check, “I love you.” He whispered in her ear.

Long after Solas had fallen asleep, Octavian lay staring up at the ceiling. Tears trickle down her cheeks. Why she was crying she couldn’t have said, she just felt an underlining fear of the future.

 

****

**Ma emma lath, ma emma vhenan’ara:** you are my love, you are my heart's desire

**Vhenan** : heart

**Eluvian** (ehl-LOO-vee-ehn): mirror. Literally, "seeing glass."

**Elvhenan** (EL-vehn-ahn): Place of our people. The name of the elven civilization before the arrival of humans in Thedas.[9] Also could be translated as: "Our hearts".

**ma vhenan**  ( _ma VEY-nahn_ ): my heart

**Vallaslin** (vahl-ahs-LEEN): Blood writing. The art of tattooing adopted by some elves to more prominently (and some might say belligerently) display their worship of the traditional elven pantheon.

**Ma’arlath** : I love you

**Lath** : love


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about adding these to the beginning of the chapters, but felt it didn't set the flow for the rest that followed.  
> Enjoy!

LETTERS Between 9:31 and 9:34

_‘Lana,_

_All is well, and I am taking care. I travelled the lower half of Fereldan after Zevran got me out of the castle that night. It has been a bitter sweet experience. However, I have meet some fascinating people. One who has taken me under her wing, teaching me things I never knew possible. It’s been phenomenal. I’m currently in the process of learning how to shape-shift. It is a frustrating process, I assure you. Have you heard any news from the rest? I miss you guys every night before I fall asleep._

_Love Tavin._

_******_

_“Tavin,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you know what you are doing wondering around Thedas. It does sound like you have meet some friends though. I don’t know how much you have keep up on events in the world. The Circle of Magi in Starkhaven burned to the ground, the surviving mages having moved to Kirkwall, now making it one of the largest circles in the free marches. What that could mean, I don’t know. There are some disturbing rumors going on in Kirkwall. Makes me glad you are no longer part of that anymore._

_Adding to the tension in Kirkwall, is the appearance of a large force of Qunari. They were ship wreaked in a storm there recently, claiming a ship is on the way. So far from what I’ve been able to learn, there is no ship. But I hope I prove to be wrong._

_There is also news out of Starkhaven, it appears the ruling family has been murder, leaving only Prince Sebastian who is a sworn brother of the Chantry left. What will happen there I am unsure._

_I am currently traveling with Oliver as he tries to ferret out some Darkspawn that have been lurking. We will be traveling to Denerim soon, to check on Alistair. Apparently he has decided on taking a wife._

_I must go, take care and write back soon._

_Love Leliana._

_****_

_“Lana,_

_Do you know how the Circle burned down? The news that they have all moved on to Kirkwall, is not surprising. It is the only circle big enough to hold any surviving mages in the Free Marches. Ostwick isn’t big enough. I don’t know the Grand Enchanter there, but have heard rumors of Knight Commander Meredith. She has a very strict view on mages and blood mages, but overall seems to have a fair sense of justice._

_I hope Oliver and you are taking care. Have you heard from Zevran, when we split that night, he had mentioned something about a score to settle with a few Crows. (You should know what that means). As for Alistair, I’m not surprised he has found someone he wants to marry, he is a good man and will make someone a very happy._

_Miss you._

_Love Tavin._

_****_

Writing in a masculine hand:

_Tavin,_

_Lana, is having me write, as she has broken her arm. We haven’t heard from Zevran, but it doesn’t surprise me he has gone after The Crows. Leliana and I just said good-bye to Oghren, as he is set to travel to Vigil’s Keep. We are to meet up with him later, he says he has his heart set on joining the Wardens. I haven’t decided if this is a good idea._

_Sten has gone to his home, and after stopping at Denerim briefly we are going to meet him at his home._

_Have you heard any whisperings of Morrigan on your travels?_

_Take care_

_Oliver and Leliana_

_(PS. Leliana broke her arm falling out of bed, nothing serious I assure you. However the guard learned not to shout outside the door.)_

_****_

_Oliver, Lana_

_I hope you arm is better. I am glad you are going to visit Sten, tell him I say hi. (Tell him he should also get a new name)_

_I’m not surprised by Oghren desire to become a Warden, he lost much in your travels together. I had been hoping he would go home, but sometimes the lose is to much._

_As for Morrigan, no I have not heard a whisper of her. I don’t know if I want too._

_Love Tavin_

_*****_

_Tavin,_

_Have you heard the news the news out of Kirkwall? A women from Fereldan named Hawke found a Primeval Thaig, and recovered amazing riches in it. There where rumors that the expedition leader left them down there to die, but as she came out all right. I assume those rumors false._

_Oliver and I have parted ways for the time being. We each have business that takes us away from each other that can’t be done together. I can admit to you this makes my heart heavy. I hope you can find the love I know you deserve._

_I must go before this letter makes me sappy._

_Love Lana._

_****  
Lana,_

_Would it surprise you to hear, that I have found my love. It’s taken a while to convince him I’m not going anywhere, but I think I have finally managed. I’m sorry to hear you both had to separate for a while. Hopefully the separation will not be for of a long duration. I hope the business that separates you is not dangerous._

_Tavin_

_****_

_Oliver,_

_Don’t ask how I know of this, but Morrigan has been poking into things she should not. I have found out from an extremely reliable source that she is trying to play with magics beyond her understanding. So far she hasn’t managed to kill anyone that I know of. If you confront her, be careful. I remember how upset you were when you found out she had taken off after the last battle._

_Tavin_

_****_

_Tavin,_

_I found Morrigan and allowed her to leave through what she called an_ Eluvian. _I honestly can say I didn’t understand half of what she said. However I can say that I don’t regret anything now, even if she won’t let me meet my son. I have no idea if Leliana ever knew what I had done, but I would like to believe she would understand. I don’t understand how you found out what happened, it may have something to do with being a mage. If Leliana ever asks you, don’t lie to her. Tell her I did sleep with Morrigan, wanting to have a chance at life I knew I wouldn’t have otherwise._

_Oliver_

_****_

_Tavin,_

_Is it true?? Oliver tells me he slept with Morrigan the night before the last battle to convince a child, believing it would allow him to live. I can honestly say I was livid. (It was a good thing I was naked) If I had weapons on me, I don’t know what my reaction would be. He urged me to write you, claiming you had known, but had kept quite. I didn’t believe him, but he swore he was telling the truth, so know I ask. Did HE?_

_Oliver and I have decided, for now, to give it a bit of a break. He has some warden business to take care of, and I have been invited by my old mentor, Dorothea to visit her._

_****_

_Leliana,_

_I’m sorry to say. But, yes. It is true. I knew the moment they rode into camp. I even understood a little as to why. The magic permeating the air that morning was surreal. I can still feel it tingling on my skin, and that morning it was worse. Don’t be mad at either of us, him for taking the chance, and me, for keeping it from you. For all of Morrigan’s fault, in this one instance, she did tell the truth. Only a child could have saved his life. As the soul of the Arch-Demon would enter it, the child is nothing to be feared though. So rest your fears on that, the child is innocent. He will have no notion that he is different, he will be a completely normal, innocent little boy._

_As for taking a break, maybe it is for the best. It will allow you both to determine if this is something you wish to continue in the long run. Forgive me for saying, but your relationship started in much the same way Alistair’s and mine did. I hope you are able to resolve it better then we did. For what it is worth, I believe yours is meant to be._

_I love you, and I hope you can forgive me._

_Octavian_


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are little flash back memories Solas shares, while they might contradict the game a little, with the new information provided in Trespasser, I didn't change this.

****

INTURLDE :

_Octavian inhaled the smells emerging from the memory, and listened to the sounds of people talking, voices blending together gave it a feeling of truth as the gathering of people mingle._

_A warm breath reached her ear as Fen’Harel leaned in and whispered, “It was a party, celebrating the end of Falon’Din’s rampage.” He shook his head and looked around, “I never thought it would end.”_

_Fen’Harel watched the scene and Octavian as she moved around the group, listening in on conversations from a different time. He watched as she stiffened, and frowned as her head whipped around looking for something._

_Octavian felt the breath slam out of her as she heard the voice drift out of the voices mingling in the space. Darting in between the figures she searched for the voices, faltering as she found it, and stared in disbelief at the dwarf standing in front of her. His blond hair was caught up in a small pony tail at the base of his neck, and his blue eyes sparkled and laughed as he charmed the dwarven companions he was talking too._

_Fen’Harel raced after Octavian and caught her elbow, turning her to face him, blinking at the confusion on her face as she opened and closed her mouth a few times. “What’s wrong?”_

_Octavian blinked up at him with huge green eyes, “I know that dwarf, but he’s…” She trailed off at the look of sadness on Fen’Harel’s face._

_“June…?”_

_Octavian jumped in shock, “June? That’s June?…” She inhaled sharply as Fen’Harel shook his head slowly._

_“Yes, that’s June, when he married Sylaise. Elgar’nan granted him his divinity.”_ _He looked at June, then turned to Octavian, “When I locked the other’s away, and created the Veil.” A grimace twisted Fen’Harel’s sculptured lips. “It had a different effect on the dwarves though, all of them lost the connection to the Fade.” He sighed heavily, guilt still showed itself on his face. “I was never able to find June after that.” Puzzled, Solas paused a frown marring his brow, “What do you mean, you know him?”_

_Licking lips. That had gone dry, Octavian averted her gaze. “A few years ago, I meet a dwarf that claimed to have found a young man in the Deep Roads. That man’s name is Sandal.” She closed her eyes briefly then meet Fen’Harel’s intense gaze. “That man and this one are identical in every way. They look the same, sound the same. The only difference, is Sandal is now ‘simple’” She paused for a breath, “He doesn’t seem to understand much, but if you give him an enchantment and weapon… The results are surreal.”_

_Fen’Harel gazed at June standing there, allowing the scene to freeze, then fade before shaking his head in bitterness. “I destroyed him, he was a great man.”_

_Tavin reached up and caught his check, “You couldn’t have known…”_

_Pulling from the touch, Fen’Harel shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. My hand is still to be blamed.” Bowing his head, he accepted the hug Tavin gave him._

_*****_

 

_“Fen, can you hold this scene please? Octavian’s voice echoed into the stillness as Fen’Harel complied. Watching in interest as Tavin moved forward and leaned over the dagger laying on the table. Elgar’nan sat frozen in mid-blink, Mythal and Fen’Harel stood across from him. Mythal’s face a look of resignation, Fen’Harel’s one of anger. Tavin ignored them all concentrating on the dagger, she huffed out a frustrated breath. “I wish I could touch it.”_

_Fen’Harel blinked in surprise, but moved forward. “You can.” He reached out and grasped the dagger by the hilt and passed it to her. He watched her face and she took it, she brought it up and looked at it minutely. Turning it over, feeling the sharpness on her finger. She closed her eyes, and touched her magic to it… She dropped it in shock, and lifted a white face to Fen’Harel’s, missing the way it settle back into it’s spot on the desk as if it had never been moved. “Fen, it has the blight!”_

_He moved back and snorted, “It does not, it’s not possible.”_

_Octavian grabbed his arm, “I’m serious, I can feel it. It’s the same corruption that I could feel in Alistair and Oliver. Or any Warden I’ve meet. If you look beneath the surface, you can see the boiling darkness inside.” Her voice insistence._

_Fen’Harel smiled softly, and drew her close, “It doesn’t Tavin, I know it doesn’t. At one time, there had been a rumor going around that the ‘Gods’ had found a new weapon to fight with. I found out what it was and locked it away inside the Abyss. No one knew.”_

_Tavin shook her head against his chest, “Fen’Harel, you are being deliberately obtuse. You are denying the truth..” She pulled away, and flung her hand at the dagger, “I hate to point out, it does have the blight. How or why I don’t know, but it makes some sense. If you locked it in the Abyss, and Andruil found the Era’ Durgen there, is it not possible The Forgotten Ones mixed the two?”_

_Fen’Harel stilled, looking at the dagger. Not wanting her words to make sense. His hand shook slightly as he reached out and ran a finger down the blade on the table, and felt the horror well up inside him at the touch. Shame bowed his head, as he realized she was right._

_She reached out and encircled him in her arms, “What happened to the ‘objects’ after you locked them away?”_

_“I destroyed them. The only one I didn’t manage to find was Andruil’s idol. I never figured out which Dwarven clan, June gave it to. I also couldn’t find June, it was like he dropped of the face of the world. After a time, loneliness got to me, and I slept.” He bowed his head and rested it against her shoulder, accepting the calm assurance she provided._

_“There are similarities between Era’ Durgen and the Blight, madness, or physical changes. I’ve seen people suffering from the Blight, it’s not what you’ve shown, those people just go mad. It’s like the combination of the Era’ Durgen changed the originally purpose of the Blight, and focused it somehow. It doesn’t explain how the Blight is still separate though, I’ve never come across the Era’ Durgen, but there have been rumors of dwarfs going mad after finding shafts of red Lyrium.” She felt Fen’Harel stiffen under her, and glanced at him. “Let’s go, I don’t need to see more today.”_

_Fen’Harel nodded with relief, “I love you. Wake-up”_

Cradling Tavin’s body against his own, he let his thoughts settle working through what he now knew. Tavin kept silent allowing him the time needed. Solas was grateful for that. After a time he spoke, his voice rumbled through his chest and into her ear, “I don’t think they are exactly the same thing.” His voice was soft, yet deep as he slowly spoke his thoughts out loud. “The Era’ Durgen may be tainted by it, but I still believe they are separate entities. You have to understand when I locked the ‘weapon’ away, it had no name, nor had anyone found out how to use it. It was something dreamed up and created by Falon’Din and Dirthamen. I had found out where they were creating it, and one night I stole the knowledge and locked it away. I never expected it to get free…” He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed Tavin had convinced him to acquire. Resting his elbows on his knees he started into the fire. He smiled as he felt Octavian move and wrap her arms around him.

            Laying her cheek on Solas’s back, Octavian snuggled a bit closer. The warmth of his skin against her cheek was like the gentle warmth of the sun. It was a sensation Octavian would never tire of.

            “How do you think it got free then? If not through the Era’ Durgen? Do you believe the stories the Chantry claim?” Her tone was soft and curious.

            Solas turned to look at her from over his shoulder. He made a face as all he could see was the top of her head. Her ebony locks shone like the wing of a raven in the firelight. Although a beautiful sight, he would have preferred to see her lovely face, “I don’t know. The only way that would be possible would be if they had physically entered the fade. You have to remember that time was different, the fade didn’t exist then, it was only created after I locked the other’s away. I’ve never entered it. Not now, not after how it’s been changed... To enter the Abyss physically…” he shuddered. “It wouldn’t be pleasant. If they did, then that worries me.” Fen’Harel turned his head and stared at the flames dancing in the fireplace.

Tavin kissed his back, before asking. “How did the Eluvian’s get infect with the Blight, if you locked it away?”

Solas froze, and slowly shook his head clearly unable to give a reason before loosing himself to his thoughts.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last of the letters.... The last letter takes us right up to Matrinalis 9:34.

More Letters :

_Tavin,_

_You are not going to believe this, but the Qunari attacked Kirkwall!! The reports of why, are varied and almost improbable to believe. Do you remember me mentioning a women named Hawke in earlier letters? She, the Guard-Captain of the Kirkwall guards and a few others stood, up and fought them. Hawke even went one on one against their leader. The viscount unfortunately died, leaving the city under the direct leadership of Knight Commander Meredith, who had from all reports has become obsessed with mages using blood magic, imposing tighter sanctions on the mages in the circle. It got to the point were even the Seekers looked into it._

_I also have some sad news. I received word that Divine Beatrix has finally passed. There has been no news as to who the replacement is yet._

_On to more cheery news, once again I have been again invited by Dorothea to visit her._

_I also am happy to report the Oliver and I have gotten together again. You where right. When given a chance to think about it, I couldn’t deny his choose of wanting to live, even if it meant sleeping with THAT women. He’s travelling with me to Val Royeaux, we are to separate from there. As he must travel on to Weisshaupt Fortress._

_I hope to see you soon, and hope to meet this man you are remarkable tight lipped about. I laughed as I wrote that. For normally you are chatty, and love to talk. However, I am glad you are happy._

_Love Lana_

*****

_Tavin,_

_I know I have given you no chance to reply to the last letter, but I have more news. Some of which is shocking. So, dearest be prepared and read on._

_Dorothea has been chosen as the new Divine, and has asked me to be her left hand. It’s been a bit of a shock to me, but I must admit. It’s everything I could want. (You know me. I love gossip.) I now have a chance to use that gossip for something good, and something I believe in… I have no words to describe just how I feel, but Tavin, you know without me trying to describe myself._

_My second bit of news is of a more personal nature, I have heard and confirmed the rumors before sending this off, so I know it to be true. It is something I am finding difficult to write, as I really don’t know what you opinions are in regard to this. But I felt you should hear from a friend. Your father has remarried, and is expecting a child. The women he married, is not of nobility, but her parents are extremely rich and in trade. She is a widow with two small children. I could not find information on her previous husband before sending this off. What I have found out though, is after he passed, she went back home, to live with her parents. Helping them run their business. It appears that your father and her met and developed a bond over his horse breeding that I must say has become all the rage. It has every appearance of being of a true love match. I regret to say, but I don’t know how you will take the news. I felt again that I should tell you, just in case you learned of it from else where._

_Love Lana_

*****

_Lana,_

_Thank-you for telling me of my father. I don’t know the man he is today. However, the memories I have of him present him as a good man. Even knowing that his new marriage is a love match, doesn’t hurt as much as I expected. As a child, I loved the man. He represented my entire world. Papa was the one who fed my thirst of knowledge. I believe he loved my mother, but what I remember is a strange. Their was nothing wrong with the relationship they had to each other. What I recall, is I rarely spend time with my mother. Usually, I was with Papa. Hwever there seemed to be a lingering sadness I did not understand. I have no idea what I mean. Remember this is all from my perspective of the memories of a little girl who was about the age of five or six. However, I can honestly say that if papa is happy, than I am truly happy for him._

_On the advice of my love, I even wrote him a note, congratulating him on his marriage._

_I may be tight lipped when it comes to him, but there are many reason why, and none I can explain on paper. Please, PLEASE believe me when I say HE is a good man, and treats me as I deserve._

_I must also congratulate you on the posting of Left Hand. I believe you may finally find you calling. Lana, my dear, as you know it is not Gossip, Gossip is such a hard word. It brings to mind the thought of nosy ladies repeating things, they no nothing about. As in the nature of my papas marriage. Call it ‘Gathering of Intelligence.’ Laugh as I know you will, but it does sound so much better, does it not? It is a tough post, and one I don’t envy. However I know you will do excel at it._

_As for the Qunari, I felt it was only a matter of time, before they acted as they did._

_Take care_

_Love Tavin._

*****

_Bann Trevelyan,_

_Father, I am having a hard time finding the words I need to explain this, and I have no idea how to do this after years of the silence that came between us. To prove I am you daughter, Octavian, I will tell you that when I was about four, I healed your finger after you sliced it open on the wood surrounding the fencing for the new stud you had just bought. The stud you allowed me to name, and in my infinite wisdom of a four year old, I called him Getty-Go._

_I also have no idea how you feel with me writing you after all these years. Or with the knowledge that I must now be classified as an Apostate. I must tell you truthfully that I left the chantry of my own free will. I could no longer stand the prison it represents after working with the Gray Wardens in Fereldan. I can’t tell you to much about where I am. This way, if there is even an ounce of you left that cares, you can accurately disavow knowledge of where I am._

_I have only fond memories of you as a child. Because of that love, I am writing to you now. I have receive word that you have remarried, and that the women has two small child. Please believe me when I say this does NOT cause the pain one would expect. I truly am happy for you. I believe you deserve happiness and if this women brings it, I can only rejoice. I regret to say, I have little knowledge of the type of person you are today, or the relationship you had with my mother. What I remember was of a respectful marriage and kindness. But there also seemed to be a touch of sadness that I never understood. However, I wish to congratulate you on your marriage, I hope this one is filled with happiness. I would also like to make note of one thing. From the memories I have of you, you fed my thirst for knowledge and never denied me that. So please, give that thirst of knowledge to this child you are expecting. I can honestly say, for everything that has happened, I would not change that. That thirst for knowledge has intensified over the years, and led me to place I never expected. Know that the memories I have of you are that you where a good, kind and love father, and that is the memory I cherish._

_With best regards, your loving daughter._

_Octavian_

_PS. If you wish to respond, send you letter to Leliana, the left hand of the Divine, she can find me if it is needed._

*****

_Tavin,_

_Your father sent this to me, asking me to sent it on. I understand why you did this, and have no fears. I have no issue with this._

_I will send another letter later, there is so much going on at this time, that I have no time to spare._

_Take Care_

_Love Lana_

_PS. My official handle is now The Nightingale. How’s that for irony?_

*****

_Dear Octavian,_

_Daughter, I will admit to being surprised and touched by the arrival of your letter. I realize you don’t know me now, and I blame that on the Chantry. I am not as religious as I once was. There is so much surrounding you mother and I that you don’t know about. But I can say that you are right. There was a sadness in our relationship. A sadness that_ nothing _that had nothing to due with you. It was my own fault and one that may be better explained in person, if you feel that you wish to know. I have no fears that you are classified as an Apostate, and could care less that you are. In fact, I am glad that you have escaped the ‘prison’ that they are. You where not born, to be locked away on the pretense that you could do something. I’ve meet some remarkable people that are Apostates in every sense of the word, and I have more respect for them, then I do the Clerics that preach of the evils of mages._

_I am glad that you do have good memories of your childhood, and I’m please you have gone on to pursue that knowledge and let it grow. It was a promise I made to someone, and am glad to know it is being fulfilled._

_As for the women I have married, her name is Tonya. I will admit I do love her. It is a different kind of love I have for her, then I had with your mother. And, again I’m sorry, but it cannot be explained properly on paper. We are truly partners, neither having power or control over the other. Tonya was a widow before I married her, and has a four year old daughter named Alexis – we call her Lexi for short – She also has a seven year old boy named Ronan._

_She has no fear of the horses, and is currently out racing across the fields, heavy with child. Something I can not convince her to give up. (The horse riding that is) I am excited for the birth of our child and I can promise you that I will pass on that thirst for knowledge._

_I hope you are happy, and possibly sometime in the future I do wish you would come home and meet my wife and your new siblings. There is no pressure and it is completely up to you._

_Your Father,_

_Bann Lucien Trevelyan_

_****_

_Father,_

_I am happy for you father. You will be a good father to her two young children._

_As for me coming home, I don’t know if I have the courage yet. Maybe someday. I am happy though, I have the love a good man. A small home, and hopefully an exciting event in my ‘own’ future. Whatever happens after that, we will see._

_Octavian_


	21. Chapter 21

**Matrinalis 9:34**

 

Octavian looked down at the letter she had just finished writing, then looked around to see if anyone noticed the flush on her cheeks. Even knowing no one was there at the moment, she could not stop the reaction. Sighing, she rested a hand on the slight rise of her stomach, smiling in pleasure. She stood and carefully stretched, then sealed the paper, before walking outdoors to find Kilsil. Finding him easy enough, all she had to do was listen. Bribing the raven with fish, she attached the letter in the message tube on his leg, and put the directions, and picture of her father in his head, then tossed him into the sky. For a while, Octavian watched him flying north until there was no more then a speck. Turning as she heard Flemeth approach from the garden, her gold eyes tracking the raven flying away.

Smiling, Flemeth walked up beside her, “Today is the day, huh? Do you know what you have to do?”

Octavian smiled, “I do. I’m slightly frighten though, this will be the first time, I try this by myself.” She nibbled nervously on her bottom lip. “I hope I won’t fail.” Feeling the Eluvian deactivate, Octavian glanced down the trail. Missing the sad look that crossed over Flemeth’s face. The look was gone in an instant, by the time Octavian turned back, she was once again herself. Octavian flew into the house grabbing the bag she had packed earlier. Returning outside, she gave Flemeth a quick hug. Absently, Tavin call, “wish me luck.” Without waiting for a response, Octavian ran of down the trail.

Flemeth bowed her head, and brushed the tear from her face, “I have no luck to give… I’m so sorry daughter.” The softly spoken words hung in the silence. Heavy of heart, Flemeth then went into the cabin and shut the door. There was nothing she would do, but wait for the inevitable. Sitting by the low burning fire, Flemeth lost herself to her own bitter memories.

 

Octavian met Solas on the path to the pond. Her eyes grew soft and velvety, like the carpet of a newly mowed lawn as he walked towards her. The love in his gaze caused butterflies in her stomach. Trying to quell them she pressed a hand hard against her abdomen. It was incredible to her, that just watching Solas draw closer could cause such a reaction. She was sure it just nerves and not something else. A smile spreading across her face as he jogged the last few paces to her. Swinging her up and around before claiming her lips in a searing kiss. Loosening his hold, he allowed her to slide down his body until their lips separated. “I missed you.” He whispered softly, his voice sent shivers up and down Octavian’s spine. The husky timbre was something she swore she would never tire of hearing. To Octavian the only three words better than ‘I’ve missed you’, were ‘I love you’. “I have no idea how you convinced me it was a good idea for you to stay here with Flemeth, she’s not helpless you know.”

Octavian smiled and shrugged, “I can’t very well tell her the truth, I thought you didn’t want anyone knowing you are in fact Fen’Harel.” Stretching up she claimed his lips softly, pulling away when she felt him grimace. “What’s the matter?”

Not wanting to spoil the mood, Solas shook his head. Taking her hand he led her towards the pond. He had no idea why she thought Flemeth didn’t know who he was, but he did not want to press Tavin for a reason. Maybe, she truly believed, Flemeth didn’t know. Mentally shaking his head, he felt excitement flood into him as they walked slowly towards the pond. “Are you nervous?” He looked down at her, watching her black hair ripple as she shook her head.

They walked into the clearing, moving to stand beside the pond. Tavin faced him, and bite her lip, “Fen, I have a surprise I need to share with you.” Her green eyes looking up at him wide and appealing.

Not wishing to be distracted, he smiled and shook his head. “Tell me after you pass.” He chuckled as she sighed heavily and sat down. Sitting across from her, knees touching, Solas gazed at her a long moment. His heart was once again full by just looking at her. He could not describe the pride he felt. Octavian was one of hose rare creatures that accomplished the seemingly impossible. She never gave up and kept on trying until she meet her goal. He knew some Evanuris couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to do the same. Reaching out he gently encircled her neck with a single hand and drew her forward for a kiss. Lifting his head, he brushed his lips over her lips. “ _Ma'arlath_ , _ma vhenan.”_

“I love you too, Fen.” She whispered, drinking in his gaze. They could have sat there for hours just gazing at each other. Time passed without a word, until Solas blinked, breaking the spell they had fallen under. Almost angrily Solas mentally shook his head. At his age, he should be well in control of himself and his emotions, but around Octavian, he felt like a young teen, he had once been. A flush burned his cheeks as she raised her brows. Had Octavian picked up on his emotions? He didn’t think that was possible, deciding it was because she could feel his heart beat quicken, he closed his eyes and bowed his head. A smile twitched the corners of his lips as he heard another heavy sigh.

Drawing a deep breath, Octavian held it for a moment, then released it slowly. She inhaled again, closing her eyes, trying to find her center. She started as warm lips touched her forehead, she opened his eyes briefly to look into Solas’s blue eyes, before closing them again. Grass crackled as she heard Solas lay down beside her, and slipped into sleep. Keeping her eyes closed, she continued to breathe slowly, and deeply waiting for the right moment, she released her magic sending herself into sleep.

_Octavian snapped her eyes open. Her nose wrinkling at the fetid and putrid smell, confusion ran rampant through her, as she slowly looking around. Gray mist covered everything insight. It swirled in little eddies as it was blown softly across the ground. She could she vague shadows moving within. Slowly, she moved forward, nervously brushing her hair back as magic tingle along her skin. “You aren’t supposed to be here…”The whispered hissed in her ear. Startled she whirled and prayed as she peered into the mist. Desperately trying to see, what or whom had spoken, but was meet with only vague shadows. Tension tightened her muscles as she watched and waited for something else to either appear or speak. In disbelief, Octavian starred as a shining white shape materialized. It pulsated as it ‘spoke’, “You don’t belong.”_

_Octavian swallowed uncomfortably. “I don’t know where I am.” She whispered, head bowed in embarrassment._

_“I know child. I also assume, Fen’Harel didn’t know you are carrying his child either.” The coarse words held the edge of a sigh of regret. Octavian started. She hadn’t told ANYONE about the child._ Except _Flemeth. Misunderstanding the corner for pity, Tavin flinched away and tried to defend herself._

_“No, I was waiting till after I passed. I was supposed to find him here.” She looked up and blanched as the shining white light, slowly formed into that of a white dragon. One taller then her, but not my much. with glowing blue eyes._

_“You misunderstand. I’m sorry Octavian, my wrath is not directed at you, not completely anyway. It is at myself. It is not often I have to fill my role as Guardian. To be a Guardian to one with such a bright soul and touched by Fen’Harel is going to be difficult.” The dragon sat in front of her, regarding her with those glowing blue eyes, as if he found her a curiosity he couldn’t figure out. “I suppose I should introduce myself, I am the Spirit of Duty, and a guardian of this part of the fade. It is one of the gateways, deeper inside. I am tasked with helping the souls who land here, make it back to the land of the living. Normally, this wouldn’t cause an issue. However…” The dragon shrugged and looked off into the mist. Standing as he did, “We must move and more quickly.” He took off at a trot, break the mist apart and lighting path that Octavian could follow. She did for a few moments, before she stopped. “I don’t understand… Why would carrying Fen’Harel’s child make a difference?”_

_The dragon glanced back, “You can move and talk, please. It is important to keep moving. It is harder for the demons to sense you then.” He waited to until Tavin moved into step beside him, before continuing, “You know the ritual Morrigan completed with the Warden?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but continued on talking as fast as his feet trotted, forcing Octavian to jog beside him. “The demons trapped here think, in a twisted sense, that if they manage to get killed they will be reborn into your child. They don’t understand, nor do they care to that it doesn’t work like that.”_

_Octavian paled and placed a hand protectively over her stomach, “Can’t I just wake up, or can’t you wake me up?”_

_The dragon regretfully shook his head, “No. Because you’re not actually sleeping anymore. Your body is still in the glade where you left it, however…” He paused briefly as if searching for the words. Then, unable to find them he blurted. “Your soul is no longer with it.”_

_Octavian couldn’t help it, she stumbled and fell to her knees, looking at the dragon in horror, “Do you mean I’m dead?” She climbed unsteadily to her feet, her breathing increasing with fear._

_The dragon stopped and looked at her. Shaking his head, he trotted of again, forcing Tavin into trying to keep up. “Not exactly. Your body still breaths, however it is your soul I am talking to now and not your mind. There IS a difference, you know. It is similar in certain aspects to your Harrowing, but on a higher level. That is done in the protection and set up of the circle. This is not. This is the home of demons, both great and small. If you wish to get home, you’ll have to pick an arch. What the arches show, I have no idea. One will speak to your soul, while the others will show you your fears, or your hearts desires. You can pick which ever one you want. But.” he warned, his tone sharpening a bit. “Be prepared that the feelings from the others will try and override the one Calling to your soul.” The dragon gave her no chance to respond but continued trotting while Tavin continued to jog. Her mind rebelling against everything the spirit had told her. She was so caught up in thinking that, when the dragon beside her roared and belched flame at demons climbing over the rocks to the side. Octavian screamed, and scrabbled backwards. Tripping in her haste to get away, she fell heavily onto her backside. Scream after high pitched scream rent the air as more demons descended on them. Protectively, she huddled in a ball, desperate to save her child. A hysterical laugh bubbled in her throat as she caught the dragon demanding her help. What could she do?_

_“I can’t!” Octavian cried. “I can only heal.” Uncurling, she frantically looked around hoping to find something on the ground that she could use._

_The dragon snorted as he took off trotting again, the smoldering bodies of the demons lay tangled in heaps. “Not here child. Your magic can do what you want. This isn’t reality here, nor is it fiction. It just it. Your magic works differently here then it does in the material world._

 

Fen’Harel woke with a start, his heart pounding. He looked around the clearing noting immediately that the sun had crossed a good portion of the glade. Glancing at Octavian, he frowned. She was still sitting beside him, but her hands no longer resting on her knees but had them placed over her stomach protectively. He drew in a sucking breath, rolling to his knees as he saw a tear trickle slowly down her check. He reached out to brush the tear away and found himself flung across the clearing, landing with a crunch against a tree. He hit it hard. Hard enough that the breath was knocked out of him. Gasping, Solas slowly, rose to his feet and knelt in front of her, being careful not to touch her again. Curling his hands into fist, he called softly, _“Ma Vhenan.”_ Intently he watched her face to see if she heard. Her expression didn’t change. Clenching his hands into first, he called louder. He shouted! He begged! Nothing, made any difference. Tears gather in his eyes and then trickled down his face. He couldn’t understand what went wrong. His blue eyes locked on Tavin’s unmoving form. Watching the tears slowly crawl down her face. His heart sink as blood appeared on her dress. It pooled beneath her, to soak the ground. A flickering in the bottom of the shield drew his attention. Terror held him frozen. The flickering was fire. Octavian was trapped inside the shield. Desperately, Solas screamed her name. Searing pain slammed into him as the shield, unable to hold against the strain, exploded. His last conscious thoughts were of him being flung backwards. His head cracked against a tree. Crumpling to the ground he knew nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive the slight divergence from in game content. I couldn't figure out another way to get this done. So I made this up, as we still don't know exactly how the fade works.


	22. Chapter 22

**Frumentum** **9:34**

Octavian drifted on a wave of pain for weeks, refusing to awaken, blissfully enjoying the oblivion of not facing reality. Even when she slept, she didn’t dream. It was like the dreams no longer existed. She woke. Slept. Slept and woke for weeks, feeling the burns and wounds both in and on her body slowly heal. She never spoke. Never cried. When Tavin woke, she refused to think. Refused to feel. Refused to do anything, even with Flemeth coaxing her. It was easier to just do nothing. She didn’t know why it took so long to heal. She never asked. Never cared. When she woke she could tell Flemeth had tried healing her, but never said anything. Once, only once she had listened to the voice commanding her to help, and she had tried. But she couldn’t touch the healing that had once been so much a part of her. It had caused her to panic, allowing the magic to escape as fire that burn along her skin. Octavian thrashed, and screamed before once again loosing conscious. Now she just laid there, accepting the food or drink placed against her lips. It was easier to do that than fight. Then she would drift off again, back to that place of oblivion. A place where nothing existed.

 

Flemeth stood at the doorway gazing out into the dusk of the sky, shivering at the silence that had descended over the forest. She glanced back at the women on the bed and sighed, slowly shaking her head. Walking outside, Flemeth pulled the door shut, and cast a Barrier around the building. She looked at the setting sun once more before casting her mind free. Black smoke billowed up around her. When the mist settled, she was gone.

The moon light played amongst the branches and vines as Flemeth appeared in the black smoke. Smoke that frothed before the alter standing covered in the fauna of the clearing. She could hear catcalls of animals from the tears and bird serenading the sun, and the rising moon. Turing in a slow circle, she looked around the Circle, half expecting it to be filled with elves. There was nothing but overgrown plants and crumbling pillars. Moving into the small space behind the alter, Flemeth knelt down. Brushing off the dirt, she severed the veins growing there with a slash of magic. Placing her hand on the stone, she sent a brief pulse of magic. There was a click as the stone gave way sliding down to the side. She looked down at the box that was exposed, and picked it up. Slowly, Flemeth traced the pattern on the box, feeling the rush of emotion as memories assaulted her mind. The intensity of them startled her, causing her to shake her head. Casting her magic over the box she opened it. Carefully she removed the bottle nestled within, then set it to the side. For several long moments she gazed at the box, before closing her eyes. Allowing the memories to float in to the surface. The sting of tears that followed surprised her. Oh, how much had changed. Opening golden eyes, she heaved a sigh that boarded on the regretful side. Once again, Flemeth placed the stained ebony box back in its place. Light flicker over its satiny finish bring out a bright reddish glow. It was almost as if the box had been coated with blood. With the wave of her hand, the stone slid into place, hiding her treasure once again. Grabbing the bottle, Flemeth stood and marched back into the clearing. Determination marked her face as the black smoke billowed up once again and she vanished.

 

Flemeth removed the barrier from around the cabin when she returned and entered. Placing the bottle on the table she moved and looked down at the women on the bed, noting she hadn’t moved so much as an inch while Flemeth had been gone. Even with bandages on Tavin’s face that covered her eyes, Flemeth could still see the wounds from half healed burns covering the younger women’s face. Flemeth knew that the other burns covering the body where hidden by the soft sheet. Looking down, Flemeth felt the welling of anger and guilt rise up, choking her. Kneeling beside the body, she closed her eyes, suddenly weak from self-hatred. She hated that she had made the deal with Mythal all those years ago. The wasted years of plotting, revenge against people that no longer existed. Interfering in the lives of people, some who meant a great deal to her… She was sick of it all.

Flemeth opened her eyes, and made the mistake of looking at Tavin lying on her side on the bed, seeing the potential of her own future and knowing that she had moved events so that had happened as they had. Pushing the regrets away, Flemeth rose, grabbed the bottle and placed it on the floor. Beside it, she placed the new bandages, water, herbs, and the bowl and cup, and then knelt back down. Placing her hand gently on Tavin’s forehead, she sent Tavin into a deeper sleep. The most serious of the wounds on Tavin was on her side. It was here, that Flemeth started. Flipping back the sheet, she removed the bandage, flinching slightly at the smell emitting from it. Carefully, she washed out the wound. Flemeth knew that there was no point in trying to heal Octavian with magic as self-loathing, and self-hatred was making the girl fight any and all attempts of a quick and less painful healing. It was as if Tavin, for whatever reason, was trying to punish herself. It was something Flemeth understood only to well. Picking up the bottle, she opened it, pouring some into the cup, watching as the clear liquid turned a riot of colors. All the colors stayed separate, never mixing. Placing the cup to the side she leaned over Tavin again. Carefully, Flemeth tipped the bottle allowing a single drop of liquid to fall onto the wound. Holding her breath she waited an intense moment before she saw the results. As if in slow motion the rounded drops flattened. It seemingly multiplied, creeping across the wound like liquid lighting. It seeped into every crack and fissure, until the raw flesh was evenly coated. The color rolling amongst its self, as it moved across the wound. Every time it hit a particularly noxious area, a thin puff of smoke would waft and curl its way upward before dissolving into the air. As the iridescent colors spread without ever blending, Flemeth noticed that the pungent odor of decaying and rotting flesh slowly dwindled. Reflexively her lips thinned. While the potion healed the deep cuts, and stabs that had begun to fester, it had not touched the burns. Flemeth heaved a sigh of despondency. She didn’t have enough potion to heal everything, she could only heal the worst areas. The ones that were infected and threatened to overwhelm Octavian’s defensives. Flemeth knew that if left untreated blood poisoning would set in and kill her. After a few minutes she could see the inner wounds begin to heal, and then seal. Leaving behind clear, clean skin. Not even an outer hint that anything had happened, except the surrounding area. Closing her eyes briefly, Flemeth breezed a sigh of relief, then moved onto the raw, weeping slash on the back. Then to the one on Tavin’s left leg, she’d noticed earlier that morning that the wound had begun to fester. She repeated the process a dozen of times before changing positions. Rising up onto her knees, Flemeth leaned over Tavin and gently pour the liquid onto her face. The colorful liquid didn’t pour over the blackened and crusted area, but actually spread along the wounds filling them. To her surprise and joy that tears formed in Tavin’s closed eyes, and trailed down the sides of her face, and dropped onto the sheets. It wasn’t that Octavian was in anymore pain that she had been. No, it was a sigh of healing. The encrusted tear ducts were now healed and were now flushing on there own. Moving over Tavin’s face, neck, and head, she spent the rest of the night, healing as much as she could, drop by slow drop. It was near dawn when she was just finished the back of Tavin’s head. To her surprise she noticed the stubble of _red_ hair appear on her scalp. Holding the bottle up to the light the smile faded as she noticed how little was left, sighing she set it aside. Slowly, Flemeth stood, wincing as cramped muscles protested their disturbance. For several long moments, she carefully stretched each and every muscle repeatedly. There was no point trying to move until the cramping eased. If she had, she would have either fallen, or the muscles would have tightened well passed the painful point. Once more limber, Flemeth cast a healing barrier around Tavin, keeping her in a deep sleep. Now that most of the more serious wound had been healed Octavian’s defenses were down, allowing the true healing that her body so desperately needed.

Turning from the sleeping women, Flemeth looked around the little cabin. With a grimace of distaste, Flemeth cleaned up the slight mess she had made. Not that she particularly liked to clean, but it was an evil necessity. She hated disorganization and messes. She made a quick breakfast and wolfed it down without tasting much of it. Once her little cabin was finally cleaned, she lay down to rest. Sleep hit her all at once as she didn’t even remember her head touching the pillow.

 _Tavin drifted. There was no other word for it. She was literally moving_ without _walking. Slowly she moved through the mist. Not looking at anything. Not even touching anything. She could hear a voice she didn’t recognize call her name. She fought against that voice, knowing that if she listened she would have to face the pain and loneliness she knew awaited her. It was far easier just to drift._

_“You can’t stay…” The voice echoed out from the mist, and reverberated in her mind, “Please awaken, Tavin. Octavian, please. I won’t let you be lonely… please awaken Tavin, I need you.”_

_She shuttered, and shook, shaking her head. “No, leave me demon.” Her voice was faint and barely audible._

_The voice panted at her, as if it was difficult to speak with her, “Not a demon, Tavin, a friend… please awaken.” The voice continued echoing around in her mind. It didn’t matter home much she protested, the voice was persistent. Finally it succeeded in calling her to awaken_.

 

Octavian knew right away something was different. Even with her eyes closed. She no long felt bandages on her skin, and the never ending pain that had seared her skin was gone. She felt a cup touch her lips and hesitantly sipped the potion, tensing and grimacing at the half expected taste. Her eyes flew open. The first thing she saw was Flemeth, as the taste exploded in her mouth. When the cup was raised again, she eagerly took a sip. Her eye closed in bliss, trying better to call to mind the multitude of flavors, and was unable to name a single flavor that lingered on her tongue. She could feel it tingling all through her mouth and down her throat. Healing the raw and damaged tissues as it went, as well as quenching a thirst nothing had touched before this.

Flemeth smiled gently at the expression on Tavin’s face but said nothing. She placed the now empty cup on the small table beside the bed. Carefully, Flemeth moved the red hair out of the way as she sat down. Tenderly, tucking a lock of red hair behind Tavin’s ear as the girl opened her eyes again. Flemeth felt her breath catch as she gazed into eyes that had once been a vivid green, now they were silver. She watched as tears filled them turning them, turning the irises molten silver. To Flemeth’s shock and dismay tears spilled down Tavin’s wan checks. Without hesitation, Flemeth drew Octavian in a firm embrace, and held the women as she cried. Heartbreaking sobs wreaked her frame. Whispering soft words with little meaning, Flemeth rocked the women, and smoothed the hair.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was really only a few minutes, Tavin spoke quietly into Flemeth’s shoulder, “Why couldn’t you have just left me? Why did you make me live? I killed him.” Tavin’s voice was rough and raspy, both with emotion and the damage from the fires.

Briefly, Flemeth closed her eyes, “Would you really rather have died? To give up? Is that what Solas would have wanted?” Flemeth allowed a small hint of scorn enter her voice and felt Tavin stiffen at the name, then shake her head against Flemeth’s shoulder.

Forcing Tavin back so she could look into her eyes, Flemeth steeled herself against the heartache she knew would be there, “I feel your pain, Tavin. Solas loved you child. And, he wouldn’t want you to mourn him.”

Octavian felt the whelming of tears again, “I know, but it hurts.”

Flemeth nodded, “Yes it hurts, but pain lets you know you are alive. It’s better to hurt then not feel. It lets you know that you care.”

Blinking Octavian looked at Flemeth, looking more through the women, that at her. In her mind the words spoken echoed in her father’s voice. “Who or What are you?” She asked, the disbelief evident in her voice, daring to ask the question she’d never had the courage to ask before.

A smile of surprise passed Flemeth’s face, “Never mind that for now. Let’s get some food for you. It’s been weeks since you’ve had solid food. Then you can have a bath.”

Tavin shuddered. Realizing that she was filthy, and starving. As she ate the meal set before her, Tavin watched as Flemeth pulled the tub over and filled it with water, heating it with a wave of her hand.

Taking the bottle she had used to heal Tavin, Flemeth poured the pitiful amount left into the water, rinsing the decanter in the water so as to get every minute drop.

Smiling Flemeth helped the younger women up and over to the tub. It was nestled before the cheery fire, so there was no change of Octavian catching a chill. In her weakened state a chill could kill her.

Tavin looked down into the water. Her breath caught at the sight of the riot of colors swirling around and around. She glanced at Flemeth for an answer and was conveniently ignored. As Flemeth moving the room gathering soap, clothe and a towel, setting them beside the tub, with in easy reach.

“Relax for a bit. Let the potion do its work. No,” A shake of her head accompanied the word. “I will not explain. You need not know what it is nor where I got it. When you’ve soaked I will help you wash your hair.”

Frowning Tavin pulled out a lock of red hair. “Is the potion responsible for this?” Unease sliding through her, as she starred at the flame colored hair.

“Yes and no.” Came the maddening answer. “Concentrate on Healing fully and then, maybe, we can discuss what happened.” There was a hint of begging in Flemeth’s voice which surprise Tavin. She had never heard Flemeth beg for anything. Agreeing Tavin crawled into the tub and laid back, her eyes widening at the tingling of the potion healing her skin. The heat from the tub, filtered past her defenses and she finally closed her eyes and allowed the hot water to relax her.


	23. Chapter 23

U **mbralis** **9:34**

 

Waking with a start, Tavin rubbed the sleep from her eyes, blinking in the morning light coming through the window. Worriedly she sought to recall the half remembered dreams, or where they nightmares? And the voice. The voice made no sense. It scared her, into thinking she was possessed, but the voice swore he wasn’t like that. It was something he would never do to her, or anyone else. Octavian wasn’t sure. None of this made any sense. Desperately she fought the panic rise up in her, even as she lay upon the bed. With a snarl, Tavin threw the coverings aside, and quickly rose to her feet. Her bare feet made a slapping noise as she strode over to her trunk. When she chose, she could be very light on her feet and make only a soft sound. However, when she was upset, the opposite happened. Lifting the lid, she chose a clean dress, and laid it on the bed. Removing her nightdress, Tavin picked up the cloth by the basin. Forgetting the mirror was there, Octavian looked up and froze the wet cloth half-way to her face. Tears gathered in her eyes – eyes that were silver and NOT green – as she took in the wreck of her body. It was covered in still vivid scars. Once she could turn the head of every man in the room, and some females. Not anymore. Oh their heads my turn alright, but away in revolution.

Octavian shoved the uncomfortable thoughts away. She was told to only think of the positive. She was still alive. Tavin made a face. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to be alive, but she no longer wished herself dead. She would have to take each day as it came. Straightening fully, she ran a critical eye over the scarring, and cringed as she took in her scarred and pitted body. Flemeth’s potion had done a remarkable job, but still massive scars covered most of her body. Some looked leathery, and dry. Others had bubbled the skin underneath then healed that way, taking away the smoothness that had once been there. While others looked shiny, as if they had been polished. She could even see where she’d had stab wounds, as they where perfectly fine, it was only the burns that had not healed properly. She looked down at her hands, and flinched at the damage done to them. She had taken to wearing gloves even inside as she couldn’t stand looking at her hands, the gloves also seemed to sooth the tenderness of her skin. She noticed that areas that had been healed – that is healed with magic - were also darker, much darker – then her normal skin had ever been. It was almost coffee-colored with a hint a milk mixed in. Upon deeper probing, Octavian realized that it hadn’t been magic that had changed her skin color, but the fire. Like someone who had been laying in the sun, tanning their body. Only for her, it had been the incredible heat of the fire, being burned had permanently darkened her skin. Her hair had grown out at a fast rate and now hung below her shoulders. A swirling massive of straight flame colored hair. Her eyes had taken the most to get used to, being silver and not green. In certain lighting her eyes looked completely white. Like there was no iris color in her eye at all, only a black pupil in a sea of silvery white. Her left leg had suffered the most damage and now she was trying to make it strong. However, she noticed she was compensating for it a lot as she limped to the bed. Tavin had just pulled on her dress, over her clean body, when Flemeth entered holding a bundle, which she laid on the bed.

Pulling on her gloves, Tavin faced Flemeth, who gestured wordlessly to the bundle of wrapped leather. Frowning Tavin untied the twine and pulled the leather back. Her gasp filled the silence in the room. Octavian gave Flemeth a startled look, but the older women ignored her. Swallowing, Tavin reached out a shaking hand and pulled her coat out, and then her leathers. Nestled on the bottom were her sheaths and all her daggers. Including the dragon bone ones Zevran had repaired, after having Sandal enchant them. At the bottom was her phylactery bottle, completely intact.

            “Why did you lie?” Tavin choked her voice thick with unshed tears. Relevantly, she ran a hand along the blade. “Why did you hide them?”

            “I knew you would need a reason to keep going. Those daggers taught you an invaluable lesson did they not? To never let you guard down. Watch your back... etc. It’s time to start thinking about moving on, I can teach you no more.” Flemeth drew a long, low breath, using all the techniques she had gleamed over the years to keep her voice cool and emotionless. “As much as I love you child, you need to go and live your own life. You can’t spend the rest of it, in the woods with an old woman. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, go and find it.” Flemeth held Tavin’s gaze as she spoke watching the tears appear, she unbent enough to smile and add, “However, you don’t have to leave today. But you will soon enough.”

            Tavin nodded. Lowering her eyes, she once again starred at the daggers. Daggers she thought she would never to see again. Her eyes snapped up at Flemeth’s next words. “You have one thing to do before you can leave. You have to redo Solas’s lesson.”

            Tavin went white. For a couple of breaths, she stood swaying then before she fell and hurt herself she dropped onto the bed. It made a ‘whomp’ of a sound. Stunned, Octavian stared up at Flemeth, her hands clenched into the bed sheet. “I can’t!” Her voice was as white as her face. A face that had looked tanned just a moment ago. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t remember what happened…. I can’t.” The words were a bare whisper, as panic set in, Octavian’s chest tightened, making her pant as she struggled for breath. She could not understand the feeling of claustrophobia that settled over her. She jumped as Flemeth’s hand brushed over her head.

“Relax child.” The words barely brushed her ears, as the familiar feeling of the calming influence of magic course through her.

Fighting the feeling, Tavin shook her head, “You want me to redo something that killed the man I love,” Her voice caught on a sob, but she pressed on, “I’m not even sure I remember the correct way to do it. Hell, I don’t even know what when wrong this time.” Tavin’s voice was heavy with scorn and pain as she glared at the older women. “How can you expect me to do it again?”

Flemeth sighed sadly, “You have to, and I can help bring the memories of how to do it back.”

Octavian stared at her disbelief written across her face, “You don’t even know what he was teaching me…”

Flemeth shrugged, “I may not know, but I can still make you relive the lesson.”

Octavian stared at her, disbelief warring with anger shone on her face. Neither won. Slowly, she shook her head. “Maker help me, I can’t.” Standing, she quickly rose to her feet, and crossed the room. Grabbing a cloak by the door, Octavian slipped out. Leaving the daggers on the bed, and Flemeth standing in place. Sorrow clearly etched con her face. Disbelief echoed through Flemeth at the prayer that had crossed Tavin’s lips. “ _What had Fen’Harel done?”_


	24. Chapter 24

**Cassus 9:34**

_“It’s time, Tavin. You know you have to do this, Flemeth wants you too, and I want/need you too. It’s time.”_ The voice echoed into her mind.

 _“If you’re not a demon, am I going mad?”_ She asked, knowing she shouldn’t be conversing with whatever was speaking to her.

 _“No child, I’m not a demon, and you are not going mad. Please, don’t fight Flemeth today. I promise you it will be alright.”_ The voice faded as Tavin opened her eyes.

 

            Octavian was dressed in her leather’s, weapons in their proper place on her hips when Flemeth came in.

Raising an eyebrow in surprise Flemeth glazed at the young women. “Is something the matter?”

            “No, Flemeth. I’m ready. Help me remember what I need to know.” Tavin’s voice was not as firm as she would have liked, but it didn’t crack like she had feared.

            “I see.” Flemeth regarded her with gold eyes for a long moment. Making her decision, she crossed the room. Placing a hand on Tavin’s forehead, she focused her magic. With a delft touch, she refreshed the lessons Solas had taught Tavin, oh so long ago.

A frown marred the red-head’s forehead as Octavian relived the lesson. Something was missing, but she was unable to place a finger on it. Once Flemeth stepped back, Tavin offered her a weak smile of thanks, and pulled on her jacket. “I need to do this myself, Flemeth. You may walk me there if you wish, but I need you to leave me alone.” Doing up the ties of her jacket, Octavian pulled on her gloves and looked at Flemeth’s surprised face. “I, I don’t know if I can do this. If I can’t I would rather not, have to have the knowledge that I killed you as well. Please, let me do this by myself.” Tavin eyes locked with the older women. A steely look burned in Tavin’s silver eyes, although hidden in there depth was a begging light.   

Flemeth nodded, and walked to the door, allowing Tavin to precede her out, she pulled the door shut behind them and accompanied Tavin to the clearing. “Should you have brought a blanket…?” She flicked Tavin a look as she snorted.

Tavin smiled grimly, a hint of bitterness lingering in the silence and held up a hand allowing a ball of fire to appear. “I won’t need a blanket Flemeth. Fire is the only thing I can touch.” A certain note of sadness coated her voice. Determinedly, she walked ahead of the other women not wishing to talk anymore.

            In no time at all they arrived at the entrance to the clearing, both pausing on the outside. A slight smile lifted the corners of Tavin’s mouth as she turned Flemeth. “It’s been an honor, Thank-you for all you’ve done.” For a long moment, Tavin gazed at the older women. Impulsively, she reached out and caught the older women in a quick hard hug, cutting off anything Flemeth was going to say. Letting her go, Tavin jogged the rest of the way into the clearing, not looking back.

            With a heavy heart, Flemeth watched Tavin go. She bit her tongue in order to keep from calling her back. Resisting the urge to stay and watch, she sighed heavily and turned and headed back to the cabin.

            Trying to ignore the destruction of the glade, Octavian walked into the clearing. She couldn’t. Turning in a slow circle, she noted that all the trees had been burnt to stumps. No grass grew on the ground, the pond a barren waste of mud. A rush of pain and guilt flashed through Tavin, bringing tears to her eyes. She just couldn’t look anymore. Guild would not let her. She had to close her eyes against the senseless waste. Resolutely she pushed the anguish away, and forced her burning eyes open. For once, Tavin was glad tears blurred her vision, for she couldn’t see the destruction around her that she had caused. The ground was uneven as she stumble to the same spot she and Solas has sat all those months ago, just before everything had gone wrong. Sighing, Octavian closed her eyes, bringing Solas’s face to mind. Her breath caught on a sob, and tears threaten. She gave in, and let them fall. Almost obsessively, she brought forth all the details she could remember about him. How laughed. How he would run a hand across his head when frustrated. His frown. His smile. His eyes. Tavin cried until she made herself sick. Crawling away from the spot she lost the contents of her stomach into what had once been the pond where she had swam months before. Now it was nothing, but a cracked and muddy hole in the ground. Once her stomach was empty, she moved back to her original spot. Eyes closed, she calmed her breathing, using the techniques Solas had shown her. Thinking back to that morning. She knew something was missing from her memories. But what? Hopefully, if this worked, it would give her the answer she needed. Continuing to breathe slowly, she reached out with mental fingers and twisted, sending herself into sleep.

_Opening her eyes and holding her breath as she did. Octavian looked around, dreading to see what she’d find. She glanced around, breath whooshing out in rush as she took in the clearing, alive and verdant once again. Water rippled in the pond, and birds sang in the trees. Voices drifted to Octavian’s ears, as she rose to her feet._

_A strangled sob reached her ears, as she gazed at Solas leading a_ black-haired _Tavin into the clearing. The couple moved to stand by the pond, before settling on the grass. Their whispered words sounding like nonsense at first. It took Octavian a moment to realize she understood them, but they made no sense. Who was this Fen? With shock, Octavian realized it was apparently Solas. For he, responded to her other self._

_Settling down across from the pair, Octavian waited. Watching the sun slowly pass over the clearing. After a long time a strange flickering caught her attention, causing her to scramble to her feet. Approaching herself she could see the vague outline of a shield surrounding her body that was sitting on the ground._

_She jumped in surprise._

_Solas suddenly turned his head and drew in a sucking breath as he rolled to his knees._

_Octavian screamed as Solas reached out a hand to touch her other self’s cheek. A flash momentarily blinded her. Blinking rapidly, she shook her head to clear her vision. When she could see again, Solas was slowly struggling to his feet. Walking slowly towards her form, he knelt down in front of her, begging for a response. He got nothing._

_Octavian watched as blood formed on her gown. Slowly, it seeped into the ground, staining it a rich red. The sinking feeling in her stomach grew as tears track down Solas’s face. His entire attention was drawn to flickering within the shield._

_A shiver spread across Octavian as he screamed her name, the desperation, sorrow, and love warring for space in his tone._

_Octavian held up an arm, and stumbled back as a fireball exploded out from her sitting form. Solas flew back and hit the trees again, with a sickening crunch._

_Octavian gazed around in horror, as trees exploded from the heat of the fire, the water sizzled and boiled in seconds, creating steam to mingle with the smoke. The acrid smell of burning flesh filled the air, and scorched her nose. In horror Octavian glanced down at the blackened body of herself, laying on the ground. The clothing she had been wearing, gone. Blood trickled from hundreds of little cut and wounds on her body. She blinked back tears as she gazed around, in a daze. Time stood still as she watched the fire spread out, consuming everything in its path. The smoke and ash obscuring the sun that had shone down so brilliantly moments before. Even animals not fast enough to out run, or out fly were safe. Tears trickled down Octavian’s face, as she looked around the devastation, knowing nothing would ever grow here again._

_The snapping of a shield drew her attention to the stand of trees Solas had been flung at. Fear filled her being, as a giant black wolf with burning red eyes rose from the ground, where Solas had been. Slowly it ambled towards her still form. Octavian step back in surprise as the wolf changed back into Solas, but instead of blue eye, his eyes where still the glowing red. Solas dropped heavily to his knees. Gathering her body carefully in his arms, while tears streamed down his face. Gently he cradled her against him, unheeding of the soot and blood._

_Octavian shivered as the air hummed with energy as he tried healing her blackened and bloody form. Feverishly, he begged for her to hold on. Smoke drifted around them from the fires that still burned._

_Footfalls sound on the path behind Octavian, caused her to turn. Her breath caught in surprise as Flemeth entered the clearing. She was dressed in armour Octavian had never seen before. It almost seemed to be a form of dragon scale, with a helm of dragon horns. Flemeth’s golden eyes slowly tracked around the destruction of the clearing before looking at Solas’s bent form._

_“Fen’Harel…” The name and tone of command caused Octavian to blink in confusion._

_Solas lifted his head, haunted eyes burned red with a suppressed rage as he gazed at Flemeth._

_“YOU!” Gently he placed the broken body that had once been Tavin on the ground. Setting a healing barrier around her form, Solas stood faced, Flemeth, rage making him shake. “Mythal, why did you allow this to happen?” He clenched his hands into fists in an effort to control his emotions._

_A scornful bitter laugh echoed across the glade, “If I could have stopped this. I would have! That’s my daughter!” Flemeth’s hand trembled as she pointed to the charred body, her voice harsh with emotion. “Do you think I enjoy seeing her this way?”_

_Octavian started, ‘Mythal? Daughter?’ She shook her head in denial and realized Solas was doing the same._

_“She can’t be your daughter!” Disbelief was written all over his tone and face._

_“Why can’t she?” Mythal asked softly._

_“I love her!” Solas’s voice rang out in a burst of passion. Silence descended over the clearing as the two people stood opposite each other._

_Mythal gazed at him helplessly for a moment, “Fen’Harel, you can’t afford to love her. She would become a prime target, and what has happened to her here, would pale in comparison to what would be done to her if the other’s got her… Can you image her in Falon’Din hands, or Andruil’s?”_

_Fen’Harel paled, and slowly shook his head, “That won’t happen. The orb doesn’t have enough power… The only time it’s responded was to Tavin. Since then it’s been even lower…” Bowing his head he gazed desperately at the women on the ground._

_“It could, Fen’Harel. Tavin almost ripped the veil right here in this clearing, by getting trapped in her own spell._

_Solas started in surprise, and lifted his head “How?”_

_Mythal shrugged, “I don’t know. She’s special. Remember, she managed to bond with you, and assume your form. That is something that should not have been possible either. Octavian is going to change the world. But she can not do that at your side. You have to let her go…”_

_Fen’Harel tensed, and shook his head. “NO! I can’t. Octavian loves me… She’s accepted me for who I am, and what I’ve been…”_

_Mythal moved forward, and gripped his chin firmly. “You both have destiny’s that take you in opposite directions. Would you deny her that chance? Do you love her enough to let her go?” Her voice was surprisingly compassionate as she gazed into his red-rimmed eyes._

_Fen’Harel wrenched his head away. Turning he dropped to his knees gathering the still form of Octavian, into his arms. Bowing his head he wept. Great gasping sobs shook his shoulders._

_His anguish brought answering tears to Octavian’s eyes. After a time, he lifted his head, and gently kissed her forehead, softly whispering._ “Ma vhenan'ara, ma vhenan, ma emma lath. Ma Era. Ma'arlath, Ir abelas.”

_Grief slammed into Octavian. Dropping her to her knees as she mentally translated the words in her head, “My heart’s desire. My heart. My love, My dream. I love you. I’m sorry.” A searing pain speared between her eyes, and across the top of her head. Octavian screamed and clenched at her head. Memories rushed, and all the missing pieces settled with a sigh._

_The scene dissolved around Octavian, with a whisper of sound. Rocking back on forth on her knees, she wept heart-breaking sobs. Her arms wrapped around her waist, cradling her empty womb. It was too much to take in. She collapsed upon the ground, sobbing as if her heart was broken. Her body shook with each gasp of air. She was crying so hard, she could not breath. Desperately she wished she hadn’t come here._

_How long she cried she didn’t know. When she finally stopped, she realized she wasn’t alone. Something was gently stroking her hair. Startled, Octavian sat up and gazed listlessly at the figure._

_“I won’t hurt you, I want to help…” The soft words echoed around them._

_Closing her eyes and slowly shook her head. “You can’t help me, but I thank-you for the offer.” Octavian opened her eyes, and gazed at the spirit in front of her, tears rimmed her eyes._

_“I can make you forget again…” The spirit offered. A frown marred its brow, as Octavian drew back._

_“No. I_ need _to remember…” She swallowed hard before continuing. “Fen’Harel already took my memories once, I don’t want to loose them again. As much as they hurt. I want and need them.”_

_Confusion rippled across its face as it gazed into Octavian’s silver eyes, “Why? The memories hurt.”_

_A deeper voice entered the conversation, “Compassion. Memories can make one strong, if they learn the lessons from them.”_

_Surprised Octavian twisted to stare the new comer. “You! You’re the voice I heard in my head!” The figure wavered and slowly transformed into a white wolf. One of massive size sitting where the stranger had been._

_“I am. I also believe you still need me, as I need you. We can help each other.” Red eyes, met silver as they stared at each other._

_“How can we help each other?” Octavian’s voice was hoarse and scratchy sounding. Somehow she knew, the hysterics moments before coupled with her injures had changed her voice forever. Octavian almost wept again. Her voice was ruined._

_The wolf couldn’t smile, but gave the impression he did, “We can give each other purpose.”_

_Angrily, Tavin shook her head and snapped, “I don’t want to be possessed…”_

_Laughter echoed in the air around them, “No child. You misunderstand. I don’t want that. I want to be with you at your side. Fen’Harel was inspired by rebellion. I want to inspire purpose. I will be your strength. Your determination and perseverance. You need to fight and continue. Your spirit and soul is the brightest I have seen in an eternity. It was no surprise to us here that you caught and held Fen’Harel’s attention.” His voice was firm and steady, but filled with longing it caused an answering ache in Octavian’s own soul._

_At the mention of Fen’Harel’s name, Octavian closed her eyes. The wolf’s words washed over her and eroded her resistance. Slowly she nodded her head. Gentle warmth reached out, and touched her heart. The warmth joined with her, holding her gently easing the grief, and pain. Its gentleness helped Octavian adjust to some of the memories. Filling her with purpose, and gave her the will to fight and continue. She knew it was part of the wolf and part of herself. Two entities that had become one. The warmth and glow of approval from the wolf, released the rest of the tears, and she let them fall. Knowing that they were tears of mourning. The healing had begun. It didn’t get rid of all the pain, but it lessened the crushing loss. She also knew this wouldn’t be the last time she cried tears over them both, and all that could have been. It helped, knowing that it wouldn’t always hurt as much._

_Compassion watched the two souls entwine with one another, creating a seeming that completed one another. He blinked back tears of happiness, before another cry of pain called his attention, and he slowly faded from view._

Tavin opened silver eyes and took in the clearing, noting that the sun was just breaking the horizon. She lay there for a long moment, sorting through the memories, and felt tears threaten when a rough tongue reached out and licked her face. Startling she rolled into a sitting position and gazed at the wolf in amazement. “Are you sure?”

The wolf nodded his head clearly and turned to look in the direction of the path. Tavin followed the wolf’s gaze and saw Flemeth walking towards them. A deep angry rose up in, choking her as the memories surfaced. Fluidly Octavian rose to her feet and faced the Flemeth, hands on her hips, and back stiff with barely contained rage.

Flemeth paused and stared at the wolf with narrowed eyes, before turning to the red head. There was a difference in Octavian that immediately set Flemeth on guard. “Oct-”

Tavin held up a hand, cutting the older women off. Angrily, she spat and spoke in fluent _Elvhenan_ , “ _Mamae_.” Tavin watched in satisfaction as Flemeth paled, “Oh, yes. I know that is who you are. YOU should have said something way before this.” Her damaged voice sliced through out the glad, her magic echoing in response before she brought it under control. She stood across from Flemeth, watching the confusion written on her face.

Baffled Flemeth just stood there, blinking. “I don’t understand, Tavin.”

Octavian snorted her laughter, “How hard is it to understand your own tongue. I know you are my birth mother. And the women I’ve always thought was, isn’t even related to me.”

Stunned, Flemeth shook her head. “How?”

“You, with all your power, never even knew what Fen’Harel was teaching me. Did you?”

Slowly, Flemeth shook her head.

“I’m a _Dreamer_ , just like he is.” Tavin’s tone was flat. She glanced around the destruction of the glade, fighting back tears. Her hand automatically curling into the wolf’s thick fur, taking comfort from the fact he stood beside her.

“I saw everything… Mythal.”

Mythal bite her lip, flushed, then paled, then flushed again, as her anger rise. “I’m a shadow of what I once was, but yes, that was my name.” It came out as a hiss, anger tingeing it black.

Releasing the wolf, Octavian marched across the clearing and stood in front of Mythal, anger making her shake. “You may be a shadow of what you once were, but, you still set this whole thing in motion. If you hadn’t introduced us, you could say this wouldn’t have happened.”

Mythal raised her head, and starred into Octavian’s silver eyes. “It had to happen. It was to put you both on your path to your future…” She broke off in shock as Octavian slapped her check, her head snapping to the side from the force of the blow.

“That’s for playing us like we were pieces in a game of chess. I may have been born of your body, but, I have feelings of my own. I loved him. I loved him as Solas, and I loved him as Fen’Harel. I loved the child I would have had.” Octavian choked on the emotion clogging her throat. “I looked forward to that future. And YOU! YOU alone took that away. You knew I was pregnant, and you let me leave the house anyway. You knew what would happen. You took my son. You took my lover. You took the future we could have had.” Hands clenched in fist Octavian raged at Mythal a shield of magic cracked around her, flames flickering along the edges, as fires rage burned in the depths of her eyes. The wolf stood at her side, pressed against her, helping her from holding onto the tenuous grasp she had on the magic. “You allowed this to all happen.”

Mythal backed up. A shield automatically sprang to life around her. Swallowing, she dismissed it, and stood facing Octavian. Back straight, and calm in the face of Tavin’s justified rage. “You’re wrong. I cannot see everything. I never could, I can only see bits and pieces. If I knew what would have happened… I-” She swallowed, and shook her head, “I can’t say I wouldn’t have let it end the same. It doesn’t work that way.” She paused and drew a deep breath. “I just know something is going to happen, something grave. What, where, why, when or how I don’t know. I just know that you are going to be central to the events to come. If this had not happened, the future would change for the worse.” Flemeth felt the weight of Tavin’s angry strain in her shoulders, but refused to lower her gaze.

Octavian glared at her, and slowly relaxed the fire barrier, allowing it to dissipate. “Where did he go?” The anger draining from her in a flood of defeat as Flemeth slowly shook her head.

“I honestly don’t know, Octavian. After he kissed you, time stood still like it was frozen, and I was unable to move. When I finally could, he was gone.” She closed her eyes briefly then opened them again.

“If you knew, would you tell me?” The question hung in the air between them for a long moment of silence.

Before Mythal shook her head, her tone flat as she spoke. “No. What’s done is done. It’s in the past. You had to know you had no future together. You’re relationship with the Dread Wolf, was impossible. Fen’Harel _must_ fix his own mistakes.”

Octavian closed her eyes and felt tears gather and fall down her cheeks at Mythal’s words, “If he fixes…” Her eyes snapped open, widening in horror at the implications. “That could destroy the world…” Swallowing hard, she saw Mythal nod.

Walking away, Tavin paused and turned back to gazed at the women who had birthed her. Sadly shaking her head, “Good-bye mother.” Turning she walked, halting only when she heard Flemeth call out.

“Can you forgive me, Octavian?”

The desperation in Flemeth’s voice brought more tears to Octavian’s eyes. Clearing her throat, she called over her shoulder, “Octavian’s dead. You both saw to that.”

“What should I call you then?” Flemeth spoke quietly.

Octavian turned and looked the other women in the eye, “Nuria. It means God-Fire. As much as I love him…” Gasping back a sob, pain filled silver eyes meet, bewildered golden one. “Neither one of you have the right to change _this_ world. It may not be the best, but neither was yours. I will find a way to stop him, _even_ if I have to kill him myself.”

Octavian Lucille Trevelyan turned leaving the stunned woman standing there. The giant wolf was at her heels as she left the clearing and the last four years behind her without a backwards glance.

****

 **vhenan'ara -** ( _VEY-nahn-AHR-ah_ ): heart's desire

 **ma vhenan**  - ( _ma VEY-nahn_ ): my heart

 **emma lath**  - ( _EHM-mah lath_ ): my love

 **Ma Era -** my dream

 **ma'arlath**  ( _MAR-lath_ ): I love you

 **Ir abelas** \- ( _eer ah-ba-las_ ): I am\I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next part is currently in progress. Just working on editing it before I put it up.
> 
> Again, I hope people have been enjoying this.   
> If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions. Please don't hesitate to bring them to my attention.


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